You know I am watching! WPS!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not going to be able to sleep tonight if they keep playing this well and I have to work tomorrow. Lol
Sounds like things are going well for you too. I join Little in cheering you on.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Boundaries clearly stated by me and thoroughly ignored by W. She has stuck to electronic NC but is insistent on getting the chance to see OM when he comes back into town in late January. Her claim (eyes rolling) is that she only wants to talk to him to get more of her beloved "clarity". I'm at a loss as to how understanding him more is even relevant if she's committed to our marriage. We're at an impasse there.
My DB coach has recommended letting go and giving her the freedom to make her own choices (no smothering), but using the time we have to rebuild our relationship to the point that OM does not have the same effect. (oversimplified, but that's the gist) I can't chain her to the radiator, and she's going to do what she's going to do regardless of what boundaries I set. I'm not sure what my options for enforcing those boundaries are besides separating if she continues down this path.
I wondered when someone was going to pick up on 'WPS'. Dawn and I have used that in the past in our posts to each other. The 'WPS' is internet shorthand for "Wooo Pig Sooie!", a common greeting among fans of the University of Arkansas Razorbacks. My beloved alma mater played the University of Texas in American football last night and beat them like the proverbial rug.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
My DB coach has recommended letting go and giving her the freedom to make her own choices (no smothering), but using the time we have to rebuild our relationship to the point that OM does not have the same effect.
Your coach is correct. Let go.. You can be perfectly happy with or without her. Life is good.
Women are attracted to Happy, confident, emotionally strong men......
Quote:
I'm not sure what my options for enforcing those boundaries are besides separating if she continues down this path.
Please live in the now. The moment.. Worry is unnecessary emotional waste of energy.... some people get addicted to worry... Once one worry is behind them, it's on to the next worry...
First thing is to let her go emotionally and be a happy, confident, emotionally strong man...
I don't have answers for this question, but I'm going to throw it out there anyway:
If you set a boundary of no OM contact while you're working on your M, and she goes and has OM contact anyway....
What's that mean for your boundary?
I know the DB coach suggests doing what you can so that OM doesn't have impact, but you laid out a very clear expectation of something you would not tolerate (you're not telling her what to do, you're telling her what you won't tolerate). If she pole-vaults over that boundary....it's disrespectful and tells her you'll put up with her stepping over your clearly delineated lines.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
[quote=Starsky309][quote=Rzrback] Well, demanding has gone over like a lead balloon, so in that case it's Robx's approach.
I thought that's what I was doing. . . .
Starsky, are you advocating that I separate from her if she insists on seeing OM again?
I'm suggesting that you re-read the RobX "speech." You've never tried presenting anything even CLOSE to that to your wife. I think you're cherry-picking out the easy "I don't care what you do" parts (and even those, you've never SAID to her) and ignoring the entire "hey I'm moving on because this isn't working for me and I realize now that I deserve better" part.
There's NOTHING in there about "working on your marriage" while your wife continues to flaunt re-contact with OM in your face.
Rzr - there are a couple well worded nc letters that may be of some value to you on Dawgy's thread.
Starsky, wonka, sandi (others) - any chance you could look into my latest situation, I feel like I am at a turning point and could use some guidance and wisdom. thank you
Last edited by u-turn; 12/31/1401:00 PM.
Me-45 W-44 S21, S18, D15 T-27, M-21 BD Jan 2014 PA revealed March 2014 In-house separation - April 2015 I filed - Aug 2015 She moved out Oct 2015
Hope everyone had a happy new year. I know "happy" is a relative term for many right now, but despite everything, the turn of the year always brings me some hope.
Things "look" better on my front. W and I have been closer the last few days. She still does this weird thing where she's fine for a while but then crashes. No more cruel spew, but she still talks about feeling "lost". She's no longer insisting on meeting OM.
Her rhetoric seems to be more focused on her own guilt. She's wondering aloud why I still love her, worries about if or when I throw in the towel if she can't get her s*** together. I did say this weekend that I'd hate to see her piss away everything she has in front of her chasing this fantasy OM. I did let her know in no uncertain terms that while I was not giving up yet, that I have a finite amount of lifespan I'm willing to burn. She acknowledged for the first time last night that she's done enough that she wonders why I don't hate her.
MC picks back up on Monday.
The weird irony is that as things seem to be thawing between us, I'm dealing with my own WAS impulses. Right now I'm the one questioning whether this M really fits any more. I always want what I can't have? I don't know. I did a lot of STFU the last few months and maybe I'm just working that built-up resentment out of my system.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
