newcomer now receives mail in Hell

[Karma12]

That sounds very positive. Baby steps.

[bravo61]

Kinda sad today. Missing my family. Watched a rick warren sermon in youtube called fighting for your marriage. Very powerful. A lot of the things he mentioned we didn't do right or know.

Its difficult cause she was so strong spiritually wnd since she's been here thwts gone. Added to her poor choice in associates there are No positive influences in her life. Well I'm one but she can't/won't see that.

The other night I had such a real dream that we were in our old house and she came up behind me & hugged me from behind. It woke me up it was so real.

Im sure part of why its so bad is cause I miss my kids. Just down today. Still don't understand the rush to r divorce. She's not any happier.

[bravo61]

Excited to get the kids this morning. The XW was there and had clothes on to go to bed including no bra (she worked graves last nite same as me). She seemed excited to share work stories and I told her how proud I am of her to do such a great job. That seemed to please her, which is cool but not my intent. I am sincerely proud of her work!

Got the kids and was heading out the door to church when she reminded me of the show (Downton). She said she'd like to watch with me again this week but can't Sun nite due to work. I said fine I. DVR ing it and if I'm free when she's ready we can watch together. Still just looking at it as watching a show together. The kids will be in bed so it will again be alone time. Still no pressure.

Hope everyone is doing well.

[bravo61]

and the yo-yo continues.

XW called and said that she had S because school called and he had a fever. she brought him by to drop him off to me. he was miserable. gave him a big hug when he came through the door. we chit chatted a little (she told me of her house hunt) and she asked if we could watch the show tomorrow nite after i put the kids in bed. i said sure and noticed that she was lookin around while talking to me. she noticed that i had a slide show on the computer monitor of a lot of our pics through the years. didn't say anything but i could see her make a mental note.

anyways, we walked her out as we were going to pick up D from daycare. she opened her arms and i said S go get your hug. she smiled and said it was for me. he hugged her and then i hugged her (10 second hug with arms around waist) and kissed her forehead. when i pulled back, my hands were still on her waist and she had a smile on her face when i looked in her eyes. in that moment, i so wanted to kiss her.

S reached out to hug me and pulled her in as well, it felt awesome!! and i know she felt it too, she kinda squeezed me in and my face was pressed against her neck. walked her over to her car and opened the door for her. she reached out for another hug.

forgot to mention on sun, when we left she said "bye, i love you all".

it is what it is, can't control any of it, only continue to work on me. it still [censored] though!

[bravo61]

even my S pointed out how good the hug was and how happy it made him feel. almost like a family according to him

[bravo61]

well just spent about an 1 1/2 hrs of alone time w/XW. it was a good time. she came over after the kids were asleep. when she came in, i helped her off w/her jacket and scarf and hung them up. turns out she had made an offer for a house and it was accepted. she's stressed, excited, nervous, etc. she even said that she would love to have me live in the same area if i can.

we watched the show and shared a beer. we had a good time and smiled and laughed together. i noticed a couple of times she was kinda looking off into space thinking hard. when she was getting ready to go, she gave me a big hug and thanked me for watching the show with her and had a good time. i helped her into her jacket and wrapped the scarf around her neck, or tried to but didn't do it quite right. walked her out to the car (what i've always done-Southern gentleman safety thing) and she wanted another hug before getting into her car. kissed her forehead and she left.

part of me wonders if this time spent together is her wanting a ringside seat to watch to see if i really am different without committing and/or risking hurt and her heart.

oh well, nothing i can do about that. not gonnna get my hopes us but it was nice and if more came of it that would be nice. but i have no expectations of that. she does know that i will never be just "a friend".

one thing that bothered me was that she said that S has really been down the past couple of weeks. i know its because the reality of the situation is hitting him hard but i guess she can't/won't see that. unfortunately, it's not for me to point that out. she has to come to that conclusion herself.

hope everyone is doing well.
Good luck out there...

[bravo61]

I'd love to get some input. Am I doing any of this right?

[bravo61]

Bump

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Hey Bravo,

So let me get this right.

Your wife, who divorced you is spending quality time with you, and you want to know if you're doing anything right?

Well...you're not doing stuff that makes her want to stay away.

Right now seems like a good idea to keep letting her see the man she misses, and I'll suggest she misses you cause she is spending time with you. She could be anywhere, instead she's watching reruns of Dawson's Creek with you. (Sorry going ot make fun of that.)

[bravo61]

hey Jack,
thanks so much for the reply. for the record its not Dawson's Creek. i've graduated from a teen show to a girl show (Downton Abbey).

i just didn't know if this was positive or not. i know the concern for the friend zone is pretty rampant around here. i have made it clear to her from the beginning that i will never be "just friends".

also early on during the begging/pleading stage. i laid out for her how a reconnection would look to me (she asked for specifics). i told her that we would take time getting to know one another hence building trust. examples were given of spending time together so she could be sure that i was not the same man. time taken SLOWLY and not rushed or pressured by me (ie temp checking, unwanted physical touching). i also stressed that the kids would not be told until it was on a very firm footing.

positives: i only cry every once in a while;
the kids and i are really close;
i've got a much better attitude about life in general, like going on adventures and trying new things;
i don't hate her;
getting plugged into church and MUCH closer relationship with God;
learned and practicing unconditonal love and teaching that to my kids;
she's receptive and intiates hugs;
she seems to like it when i kiss her forehead;
learned patience;
anger is no longer an issue;
she's not dating yet

negatives: we're still divorced;
memories sometimes come in waves;
kids say things to her she sometimes blames on me;
she's surrounded herself with questionable characters;
she rarely talks to me on the phone;
she's painted me as a monster (would make it harder to reconcile);
oh yeah, AND WE'RE DIVORCED!

doing the best i can to be a better man. any suggestions for me or my sitch would be greatly appreciated!