Double check your settings, G. My understanding is that if you've turned if off so that others can't tell when YOU'VE read a text, it goes the other way, too (you shouldn't be able to see when THEY'VE read it).
I could be very wrong, but that's my understanding.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
G - Apple forums usually have good articles, but I don't think so.
I know it's hard to imagine the best with too much information and it all has a way of being a nuisance, no matter if you imagine them miserable, happy, or anything else.
Happy New Year to you, I am inspired with all the joys and goals you're going after.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
Happy new year my dear! One way I do it is to send the message and then delete it from my records so I can't see if they read it. Does that make sense?
Not useful if you like to keep a history but useful for detaching! Send then delete, can't check if they read it and can't obsess as much...
If you turn off your read receipts it still shows theirs.
I totally get what you are describing with the reading your messages in the middle of the night. Like you said it could be any manner of things: different time zone, out partying for his b day, woke up in the middle of the night because he was depressed and went to sleep at 7pm... Who knows!
Thanks, Little, for the suggestion. Sounds like that won't do the trick.
Hey Zelda. Thanks for stopping by my thread. Glad to hear you find it inspiring! I'll head over and check out your sitch soon.
Wow, Lisa. Delete the evidence? I'm not sure if I could do that! I'm a bit of a hoarder when it comes to texts and emails. Good suggestion though. I envy your ability to let go sometimes! Hope things are ok in your circles.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Ugh. Having one of my impatient, frustrated, needy days today. Probably because I let my mind go wild with the idea that H might actually respond to my bday text having turned a leaf after his trip back home.
Sometimes I just want to call him up and say: “Look, what’s going on here? Is there someone else? What are your plans once we’re eligible to file? Personally, I don’t really get this. I know things weren’t great in the lead up to BD but they weren’t always that way. After all my reading and IC sessions I’ve reached the conclusion that we are a totally normal couple with really common problems that just need to get worked through. There are MCs, couples retreats, so many things available to couples like us that have problems like ours. Why don’t we just hanker down and get this done? If we don’t they’re bound to resurface in our new relationships and we’ll have to work through them then. I’d much rather do that work with you because - in spite of everything - I actually still like you and am attracted to you. Do you still have feelings for me? You seem like you do. OK then, take my hand and lets do this!”
Right then. Just wanted to get that off my chest...
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Not just you having those feelings, I'd love - just love - to be in a position to say the same to w, but I suspect I'd get "its not that simple" back either that or "nothings changed since..".
Not sure about you but its the Mr Fixit in me, somethings broken, it appears to be fixable so the problem is... Last months have been about me looking closely at those drives and realising I can only change me, if w choses to be off in her own world with her own edited memories then I cant do much about that except sort myself, 180 and be the best me I can starting with how those changes appear and then making them a core of me.
It does seem so very counter-intuitive and complicated when it feels it shouldnt be though.
Short version, you're not alone in feeling that way.
Hang on in there.
Edz
M:44, W:46, S:10 M 13 years, T 15 BD:23/7/2014 W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014 My new place: 21/11/2014 W/S back to flat 22/11/2014 W coming closer, talking 4/2015 Piecing 5/2015 Moving in again 6/2015
On the text front are you using straightforward SMS (GMS messaging) or the IOS version (imessage) you can tell as mms/sms's are green imessage texts are blue.
Config is different depending on which you're using which may be causing you issues.
M:44, W:46, S:10 M 13 years, T 15 BD:23/7/2014 W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014 My new place: 21/11/2014 W/S back to flat 22/11/2014 W coming closer, talking 4/2015 Piecing 5/2015 Moving in again 6/2015
Hi Ganb8te, sorry you are having one of those frustrating days, I hate those. You just want to smack some sense into them or at least find out what is "going on". Sadly, it won't work.
I too am a hoarder of messages and then deleted them in a fit of anger one day. Then it became easier to delete as I went along. The other day in a fit of anger I deleted almost all photos of him from my phone, even the cute ones where we look super happy.
There are some ways to download all the message history to the computer and then you can delete them from the phone but I think it is a bit complicated. I looked into it before. As usual with these things google is your best buddy!
Those of you talking about imessage I'm afraid that you can see their read time even if you change your settings so that they cannot see yours. I know this because these are my settings on my phone and I can see their read times. Maybe there is a way to change it but it isn't automatic. My best advice is to delete it. But I know that is hard!
Hope summer is treating you nicely Ganb8te! Those of us in the cold north are jealous, well, at least I am!
Sometimes I just want to call him up and say: “Look, what’s going on here? Is there someone else? What are your plans once we’re eligible to file? Personally, I don’t really get this. I know things weren’t great in the lead up to BD but they weren’t always that way. After all my reading and IC sessions I’ve reached the conclusion that we are a totally normal couple with really common problems that just need to get worked through. There are MCs, couples retreats, so many things available to couples like us that have problems like ours. Why don’t we just hanker down and get this done? If we don’t they’re bound to resurface in our new relationships and we’ll have to work through them then. I’d much rather do that work with you because - in spite of everything - I actually still like you and am attracted to you. Do you still have feelings for me? You seem like you do. OK then, take my hand and lets do this!”
Right then. Just wanted to get that off my chest...
Heyyyyyyyy, I may or may not have said something similar to my H in the past. It got a mixed response with the end result being, he's still not home. *throws confetti in the air* he is talking to me though. So, maybe slight progress.
Re: read receipts. Unless your H turns it off on his end, you're going to see it. So, either you'll have to delete the text after you send it, or be faced with the knowledge that he read it and didn't say anything.
I'm assuming he hasn't said anything?
This is so hard. I'm sorry that you're having to go through this. I know how infuriating it is when text messages aren't responded to. I know how unsettling it can be to want to work on so,etching so much, but have to wait and see. IT blows.
So, you just got back from a trip, what's next on the GAL scene?
Personally, I'm binge watching shows on netflix, training for a competition and going to go and start spending time helping my family at our mountain house.
Hugs to you.
M:32,H 32 T:10, M5 BD/H Move Out: 9/2014 - extreme anger H Mental Illness Diagnosis: 4/15 Served D Papers: 10/15 Divorced: 11/15
