Calm, GAL and pancakes. Liking the idea of 1 to 1 with the kids, very innovative things to do to please and delight, children are such a delight when they are engaged and occupied.
What does W do in her room? What does my H do in his?
The mystery, but at least I have quiet in my life whilst H is on his iPad. It is not a mystery I want to solve, good luck to them.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
This evening I was at home for 20 minutes and managed to anger my wife to the point she swore at me.
I got in said hello. W was busy and so I got my dinner. While I was eating I sent her an email with updated draft agreements. Went uostairs and got changed to go out
Came down and she accosted me and started having a go about how it shouldn't be the final settlement and that I was bullying her into it but she is 'f******g done' with me so she will sign it
I carried on getting my stuff so I could go out. She got annoyed at this. And then got more angry to the point she said she was done.
A couple if times I said I had to go because I would be late (which I nearly was). She got annoyed I had plans.
She wanted a definitive answer about money which I wasn't prepared to give so more spew.
She told me I shouldn't find it funny and said this is my 'pathetic retribution for me divorcing you'. I didn't laugh but i stayed perfectly calm and I was half out the door - it looked like I didn't care. I did say I don't understand why she thinks this is some kind of retribution as I'm doing what she asked.
I did what she asked today, then told her I'd done it
She is really annoyed about my position on the finances but I would be being stupid to do any different.
Things I think I did wrong. - emailed her before speaking to her which meant she initiated the conversation. She talked about me hiding it. - didn't validate her - went to leave while she was still talking but didn't actually leave.
I guess it would easily look like I was being petulant and passive aggressive by emailing her, not talking to her then going out
Thinking of texting her now to say.
'Hi, apologies for not speaking to you before sending you the updated draft. I didn't mean to add to any concerns. I'll be sorting out the cash transfer tomorrow so its just a question of how long it takes to clear '
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Jim, I think this is spew and not the "this is her feelings" kind that you need o validate. Sounds to me like this is her being angry and frustrated at her situation. Deflect and move on. GAL.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Its all spew and meaningless. All because you enforced a boundary.
Spew is feelings, out of control irrational all over the place, this minute, need my own way, whats the meanest thing I can say? I want to throw my toys feelings. Spew comes from fear and frustration. The inability to articulate, and you cant talk someone out of spew. It cant be rationalized, its not rational.
Jim, once again however you presented this, standing on your head, carrying a bottle of champagne with caviar, the gift of the gab. Would not make any difference. W has called herself names before, indicated she might move to another county, blamed you for her poor relationship with her children. STOP this is more spew. Do not ever validate spew.
STFU, walk away and let L deal with it. Keep on using email.
She will sign because she moved too fast, trapped herself without an escape route to purchasing a property. She needs fast and you can do slow if you want. Fins first then D much later. YOU are in control and W dislikes it.
Are you getting any closer to seeing this spew for what it is? Think horses not zebras.
Vanilla
Last edited by Vanilla; 01/12/1509:34 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
She is signing tomorrow. Says she didn't want it to be the full final settlement yet but 'I've backed her into a corner so she has to Sign it to get away from me'
She said that 'I couldn't resist one last but of control' to get at her.'
I said I thought her only concern was child maintenance and the new draft covers that off (says its excluded from the settlement - legally can't be in anyway)
So I've given her exactly what she asked for while protecting my interests and somehow she sees this as retribution. I'd really like to know what not retribution looks like.
So yes I see the spew, but fear this is making reconciliation impossible.
Last edited by jim0987; 01/12/1509:50 PM.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Jim, reconciliation is not going to be more possible just because you placate W. In fact I would say you reduce your chance. It makes her believe she can tantrum and it's effective and her feelings are right.
Do you need space to check with L. Is this watertight, can W apply for court adjustment? witnessed, sealed?
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 01/12/1511:27 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
