Jefe - Climbing out of the mire - #8

[labug]

And why do you know so much about her FB doings?

[PeterV2]

And why do you know so much about her FB doings?

Yeah, stop snooping.

And don't mention any of your changes. Just let the results speak for themselves.

And don't take the temperature of your R with her. Just carry on your positive movement.

As for Grandma, it reminds me a little of how a WAW thinks - talking about things that didn't happen. Rewriting history.
But not to make light of it, that's par for the course as folks age. I wish you and her all the best - I know it's hard sometimes. My W & I run a senior's home. Just have to be gentle & loving. Let them age with dignity.

But all in all, Jefe, it seems like your on the right path. May 2015 bring you and your W back together in a new marriage.

[SunnyB]

Hi Jefe, thanks for the update. Sounds like things might be on an upswing. But I agree, do be careful with expectations. Labug told me the same thing the other day, "stay your course". She's a wise one, that bug.

[Jefe]

"I think you're doing a wonderful job keeping up with the girls and the house and work. I'm blessed to have you as their father."

Hi Jefe,

Have you responded at all to this text?

By this I mean an acknowledgement of some sort so her positive behavior is reinforced?

Absolutely. I sent her a text thanking her about 5 minutes later. She promptly called me and we had a very pleasant conversation about it. Earlier that day we had exchanged several phone calls and texts and overall it was all very nice. I've been doing a pretty good job of mirroring the positive actions she displays and ignoring the negative. We had a exchange Fri that could have turned negative quickly, she even lobbed a few grenades but I refused to engage in the battle. I calmly stated my position, stood my ground and she de-escalated almost as quickly. So feeling pretty proud of myself there. Don't know if that qualifies as a 180 but it's a damn good start.

*I never received an answer to my question "Moderators", why is it that Hope414 is STILL on lockdown? Seriously, almost a solid week to review a response?*

[Jefe]

And why do you know so much about her FB doings?

Yeah, stop snooping.

And don't mention any of your changes. Just let the results speak for themselves.

And don't take the temperature of your R with her. Just carry on your positive movement.

As for Grandma, it reminds me a little of how a WAW thinks - talking about things that didn't happen. Rewriting history.
But not to make light of it, that's par for the course as folks age. I wish you and her all the best - I know it's hard sometimes. My W & I run a senior's home. Just have to be gentle & loving. Let them age with dignity.

But all in all, Jefe, it seems like your on the right path. May 2015 bring you and your W back together in a new marriage.

Thank you Peter. We are going to have an MRI done on Grandma. We are starting to thing she may have hit her head on that last fall a little harder than initially thought as we all agree that her mental capacity and ability is vastly different since then. And I agree, she has been rewriting history. It's so hard watching this part of the aging process.

Don't think I have taken temperature or mentioned any of my changes but since you brought it up I am going to examine myself a bit and pay closer attention to what I'm saying and how I'm acting/reacting.

Happy new year, Peter!

[Jefe]

Hi Jefe, thanks for the update. Sounds like things might be on an upswing. But I agree, do be careful with expectations. Labug told me the same thing the other day, "stay your course". She's a wise one, that bug.

I'm always hopeful but I have no expectations at this point. I'm just observing. Things definitely appear to be on an upswing. I had dreaded the holidays but we managed to get through them fairly smoothly.


Just blogging here:

She stopped by last night after picking up the girls to grab their backpacks and school stuff so she could take them to school this morning and was flirting and making comments and innuendos, talking about how the kids weren't here and so on.

Just observations.

[Hope414]

"I never received an answer to my question "Moderators", why is it that Hope414 is STILL on lockdown? Seriously, almost a solid week to review a response?*

Jefe, I broke the rules when I posted a link. When you break the rules there are consequences. This site is a service not a right. I can understand your frustration but the moderators don't owe you an explanation. Please don't treat them as if they do.

That being said, you need to take a moment and look at how good your are doing. You have developed the ability to detach without becoming distant. You have learned to deflect without disengaging.

You have really come a long way.

[PeterV2]

As for Grandma: yeah my dad had hit his head and a couple months later didn't know what year it was. Turned out he had a subdermal hemotoma and once they drilled a hole in his skull and drained it he was back to his normal self. That was 13 years ago and he's been fine ever since. Just sayin'

Keep up the PMA. Let the process play itself out. You're doing great.

[Jefe]

Thanks, Peter.

You are correct Hope. I did not mean to come off as "demanding". I appreciate the free use of this site. I definitely understand that it is both a benevolent offering for those who cannot afford the cost of a DB coach (like myself) as well as an excellent marketing tool for those who can. Which means they can choose who and what can be posted here and owe none of us anything. So, that being said, I do apologize for the terse post. My PMA has not been quite up to par on a few days in the past month.

On a lighter note, thank you for the comments, that means a lot.

Happy New Year, Hope.

[Jefe]

Blogging

Wife called last night to let me know that she was going to be stopping by right after her AlAnon meeting so I could fix her window. I don't know if she slipped, just force of habit, or what, but when I answered she said "Hey babe".

While she was here, she was helping me fix it and getting close. She even made mention of how good I smelled.

Today, she called just to talk while she was at work. Pleasant conversation. She mentioned how unhappy her life is, or something to that effect during the call. When we were hanging up she said "Well, I just was calling to check on the dogs and kids and stuff."
I replied: "No you didn't, you called to talk to me, and that's okay."
She responded: "Yes, that's true. I enjoy talking to you and hearing your voice."

After we hung up, I emailed her one of those funny video greeting cards where you can paste face photos of yourselves onto the characters. I included the 4 of us and told her that I hoped this would put a smile on her face.

She responded shortly after that it made her laugh.

We were supposed to go to the mediator this past Tues which I had forgotten about until she reminded me on Mon. I told her to reschedule it please because I had to work. I believe she just canceled it and blew it off or she went without me (I seriously doubt it) as not another word was mentioned.

I have a busy weekend planed for myself and the kids. Dinner / Bible study tonight, breakfast / band meeting tomorrow, etc, etc.

I'm in a much better place today than just 2 weeks ago. Yes, the positive movement is putting a smile on my face too, but I'm not putting a lot of stock into it at the moment or changing my plans.

TwinMom, I manage to make it at least an hour these days without thinking about her, so yay me.