raliced -- I hear you! The thought of living with another person (knowing how that can lead to the slow death of a relationship) is not appealing to me in the least. But do yourself a favor, and promise yourself that you will stay open to what life has in store for you. You may be surprised. Also, your next partner will not be your current H, and you have likely learned a lot from this experience that you can apply to future relationships. But, yes, you would also be fine on your own -- and that's nice to realize!
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Thanks Ahoy! I like to think that I would be open to new experiences and relationships. I'm just nowhere near there yet. I am a practical creature by nature. When I think about merging households, the romantic portion isn't even entering into the equation. I'm thinking about how much I love this house (it was purchased with the idea of living in it for the next 40 years - and I'm not giving up on that dream regardless of what happened with STBX), how its furnished just the way I like with lots of sentimental pieces from parents, granparents and other dear family members, probably a few too many pets etc., and its just hard to think of potentially altering any of that, or mixing finances or changing household routines, etc.
Then truthfully, I can't imagine exposing my daughters to any more changes for years. Who knows what is going to happen with their father? I say this without rancor, the odds of his current relationship working out are not good. Other than the oft quoted statistics, his family is not accepting of the relationship, they work together, I imagine the divorce causes stress on their end too, etc. So if it ends, what happens? He moves somewhere else, which the girls have to adjust to or potentially has another relationship. I guess I feel like its extra important for me to be stable and predictable while he's working through whatever he works through. I've had the thought that if this relationship burns out, he might even decide to move out of state since he claims to hate it here (he's crazy by the way - its an awesome place to live).
Not that there aren't possibilities. I think I'm giving up some sort of scent (eau de divorce?), I haven't been hit on this much since the 90s. I'm just not up for anything right now, and can't envision being so for a long time.
Well, I haven't noticed the amount of laundry decreasing since H left, but for some reason, the toilet paper seems to last longer! We were constantly running out of TP before and I attributed it to having a preschooler who probably takes more than he needs. But nope! I don't think our TP has ever lasted this long! Maybe we an MLC/Toilet Paper category too!
Me: 38 H: 43 Kids: 2,4 T10 M6 BD: 1/14 11/14: H moves out
raliced -- I felt the same way about my house -- I personally did all the work on it to fix it up, scraped off every inch of wallpaper, repainted every inch, furnished it with care, sewed drapes. And now? Six months later? I am walking away from this house that I thought I might spend the rest of my life in -- happily walking away. And I plan to sell everything that isn't a family heirloom in terms of furnishings -- cheaper than moving. And the release that has given me has been great. It's a lesson in letting go for me, of not being afraid of starting from scratch, of not being attached to objects, ideas, my plans for the future. It took a while for me to get here though. Also, I hear you about wanting to provide a stable place for your kids, and I see why that might be the most important reason for you to keep your house as it is. I agree that you are likely the most stable and sane of the two of you right now. I too am working to provide a stable plan for my D14 for the next 4 years, but that happens to take me out of state and into a new life. This will be a year of transitions for many of us, I suspect. Wishing you strength and peace for the New Year!
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Then truthfully, I can't imagine exposing my daughters to any more changes for years. Who knows what is going to happen with their father? I say this without rancor, the odds of his current relationship working out are not good.
I guess I feel like its extra important for me to be stable and predictable while he's working through whatever he works through.
Raliced I understand this completely. I'd actually like to have another R, but just don't see that happening anytime soon. So far H has stuck to the agreement not to expose the kids to the duck, but that won't last forever. And then if they don't make it that will be another change. And who knows how many GFs he might parade in front of them. Someone has to be stable, and I'm the only one I can count on. So unless Mr. Perfect lands in my lap, I'll have to wait it out for a while.
The theme of this week seems to be tough times with D6.
She seems to be under the impression that if I just tell Daddy that I miss him that he will come home and has stated this repeatedly. She also shared that she thought the only reason that he is staying with OW is because she was lonely living all by herself. It's really hard to respond to all this in a way that doesn't make him look bad. I try to answer briefly and then go right into emphasizing how much he loves her.
I got myself a corny little necklace for Christmas (from Santa)of a mother figure with two children. D6 took one look at it and said - "There's no Daddy".
Yesterday her teacher sent home a thank you note addressed to "D6 and Family" for the Christmas gift we gave her. D6 wanted to give it to her dad, and I said it wasn't necessary since he didn't give the present and wouldn't know what it was about. So she immediately wailed that it was addressed to D6 and Family. Crum. I hate that I can't make this one better for her. Gotta watch what I say more closely.
Anyway- I'm coaching her Pee Wee basketball team and our first practice is tonight. Unlike soccer, at least I actually played basketball in my youth. Looking forward to showcasing my skills in front of a bunch of 1st and 2nd graders on that 6 foot rim!
Pee Wee hoops sounds like fun! My kids gave me a body spray advertised as "irresistable" to any man. Unfortunately, Ryan Gosling doesn't live in the hood. However, I'll let everyone know if this mesmerizing spray works.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Pee Wee hoops sounds like fun! My kids gave me a body spray advertised as "irresistable" to any man. Unfortunately, Ryan Gosling doesn't live in the hood. However, I'll let everyone know if this mesmerizing spray works.
