Without a doubt. She has refused to unfriend him on FB or block and delete him on her phone, saying she doesn't do that to her friends.
She even tries to spin it; tells me that she deliberately posts pics of her and I being close and affectionate, out with friends, etc. to show him that she's OK and moving on, and show him what he can't have. She tries to tell me that in her mind she knows he's just a friend and not an option to her.
My question always is, if he's not that important to you, then why do you feel the need to show him that you're over him? So if he's not an option, does that mean that I'm her default? What happens when the next "option" pops into her life?
Sounds like high-school ex-girlfriend behavior to me. Which just tells me that she's still not 100% into our marriage.
I get giving her time to grieve, but I'm having to seriously ask myself how much time to give, or even if it's worth it.
At least she's not talking about seeing him again after-hours when he comes into town next week.
Last edited by Rzrback; 01/15/1506:28 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Well it would be a positive step if she would unfriend him. But it would be even more positive if she did it without any pressure from you.
I well remember the day I blocked my OM. I sat there bawling like a fool, but I was determined I was going to get through the withdrawal and folks on the board had told me I needed to end all sources of contact. Right now, I can't remember what email name I used or the password.......nothing. But I'm not trying very hard b/c it actually makes me a little sick to recall those memories of when I was a crazy lunatic.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
To be clear, I haven't asked her to unfriend or block him, at least in the last couple of months. For her to take positive steps like that will require her to decide that it's important enough. She's not there yet.
Ironically, her friending him on FB was one of the first times that cracks started to appear in her fantasy. She started seeing all these pictures of OM and his W together, affectionate comments, etc. She started to realize that OM was married to an actual human being. It spurred her first attempt to go NC with him.
Still not a good idea to keep him on FB. The MC even said something about it last session. It'll be a decision W has to make, though.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
