Old dog seeks new trick 6

[Ahoy]

Old Dog, you won't always feel this way. Let this pass. Also, get out there and start dating -- even if it's just platonic. Really. That's the only thing that's going to make a difference. Either it will help your W realize that she might lose you, or it might make you realize that there are other people out there who might treat you with love and respect, and that's what you deserve. I don't want to date romantically at this point, but forcing myself to go out as friends with people and get outside of my comfort zone has really helped me to move on emotionally. We are all rooting for you.

[Maybell]

So I know you said you want to be a good man, but here's where you start deciding in detail what that really means.

Why are all those gifts from daft lass (kinda like the phrasing... I'm a sucker for British English) and none from you?

Why are you so undecided about what to do about your living conditions?

What is the status of your job hunt?

I do not believe your PMA will improve in a real way till you start taking charge of yourself, making things happen, and stop being a doormat for the Mussolini running your household. I think when you stand up and act, your whole attitude will change.

I understand the kind of steady courage that requires. But your situation has been declining steadily for months and you're still acting hurt that she doesn't want to even see a movie with you. She can not be any clearer than she's been. I'm not saying she's right or reasonable, but you are not facing reality, and that, more than anything, is making it hard for you to discern what actions are helpful/harmful to you and what will impact the tattered relationship.

You've done a LOT in the last few months. Stretched yourself more than MANY on this forum. But somehow I always think of you as stuck. You more than anyone I follow needs to be prodded out of his inertia.

I say this with a LOT of understanding. That was me. Very stuck for a long time (hence the large number of threads.) so please recognize my kind intent when I say GET OUT OF THE MUD!! Take a step! Any step. make a decision that makes it easier to work the life you've got comfortably and then move in that direction. If it's wrong, backtrack and try something different. But move ON.

And happy birthday to your boy.

[Old Dog]

Thanks once again for reaching out to me.

Yes, it is S15's day today. The presents will be from both of us, it's just I have had no input. And no I won't be doing anything rash until I've spoken to Chuck on Thursday.

I feel though that if I'm not exactly stuck, I am wading through treacle. There is nothing moving on the relationship front and if anything she is moving further away. I need to do something, hence the thoughts about bagging up clothes.

I've been speaking to my flatmates about thus as well who I think are wise, and am considering moving out. I don't know if to is a good idea, it'll certainly shake things up a bit.

I really don't know about dating. I have never been any good, and I really mean no good, at it and the thought just scares me. I'm not really interested in it, I just want daft lass.

Must try and get some sleep now.

[Maybell]

Buy your son's gifts yourself (self-sufficient men = irresistible).

Don't move till you've gotten legal advice.

Don't date till you're ready but maybe try not to look taken when you're out.

Get some sleep.

The man cave thread has been deleted. Mr. Incredible packed up his marbles and went home. You Snooze you lose, man, find the banks of that marshland and find your full stride length.

[Old Dog]

It's been a good day so far. S15 is now ... er 15 and we all went ice skating. Yes a birthday in the family means I am allowed to go. Oh dear cynicism rears it's ugly head.

What was I saying? Oh yes, good day. This morning, I rose late because I was up for 3 hours in the night. I went downstairs to find daft lass baking a cake. I said I would have helped wrap the presents last night if I'd known and made us a cup one tea. We wrote the card and I made her laugh with a comment I wrote in it.

When the time came to open them, they were just as much a surprise to as they were to him. I was quite emotional and had to hide a tear in my eyes as I realised what may happen in the near future.

Then we all piled in the car and went ice skating. This is only the seconds time I have tried it and I have to say I rock! I was soon belting round the rink, without falling over and helping the others. The boys managed quite well, S15 did better than S12, but they both had a go and listened to what I told them about how to do it. Dat lass though was very timid, couldn't leave the safety of the side and only managed 2 laps holding tightly onto my sleeve. I offered her my hand it she chose try sleeve. Don't want to get too close now, who knows what I may deduce from it. I learn by watching others, so I figured you have to keep your head up, choose a destination and skate for it, but not try to walk and lean slightly forward. My only problem is stopping. I clattered into a woman right at the end, apologising profusely. We were both OK though.

We then went for a pizza where for once the background music was really nice: some 60s easy listening. Good songs though not cheesy or too comfortable cardigan type songs.

Finally, I picked up S15's MacBook from the repair man after he'd broken the screen.

I have kept another rock solid PMA throughout (apart from the present opening when I was a little quiet). I am quite proud of myself. This is S15's day and it going well.

-----------

Legal advice. I suppose that makes sense but my goodness, has it come to this?

Dating is so far into the future, I can't think about it. I wouldn't have the first idea about how to not look taken when out. All I an think of is take y ring off. Will that do?

And oh well, it didn't sound like I was missing much in the man cave. There's a reason why we all have our own man caves, not a communal one. We don't want to fight to be top dog in our own caves, we decide what what gives.

[Sotto]

Good for you with the PMA Old Dog. Just focus on getting throught the weekend intact, and you can think about things next week.

Probably not a good idea to make big decisions right now - IMHO. Just aim to get yourself more 'settled' and then you can have a think. There's no rush.

Also, Dating? That's the least of your worries right now IMO! I would put that right out of your head for the time-being, regardless of what your W might be doing.

[Old Dog]

Toots, I was just responding to others suggesting I might think about it.

I am nowhere near thinking about it, let alone doing anything about it.

As you say, there's no rush. It's a marathon. And I've got a couple of calls lined up with my Feel the fear coach and my DB coach.

[Sotto]

Hi OD - glad to hear it! And very wise to appreciate you're not close to that point right now.

Hope you have another good day, and hope the calls go well! ((OD))

[Old Dog]

Thanks Toots.

Just another quick update on the rest of S15's birthday. Once we got home, everything reverted to type. I spent the evening on my own downstairs and she was upstairs with her iPad and phone. I made her a cup of tea around 9pm and the boys would stop by sporadically.

Something has to change. This isn't working but that is scary. Mind you, this year, I will mostly be feeling the fear but doing it anyway.*

* for our chums across the seas, this is paraphrasing a catchphrase from 'The Fast Show' a brilliant comedy sketch show from a few years ago.

[Old Dog]

I woke up this morning feeling dread about daft lass's decision to go on a date today. I got up, made a cup of tea for us, had breakfast and went for a walk for an hour and a half.

When I came back, I only saw her for about 10 seconds before she left. She'd got dolled up for her date: something she didn't bother to do yesterday for S15's birthday. She said 'see you next week as she left' obviously not planning to be back before my bus leaves then. I didn't reply.

I took the boys up to my mum's where my brother, his wife and her son were and we had some more birthday cake and S15 had a couple more presents.

I'm back at my work flat now and related the sorry affair to my flatmates. It's good to have their support.