One of the more difficult things I deal with right now is never really knowing how I feel. Why am I not angrier? Why am I not sadder? I feel mentally tougher and more positive than I did 6 months ago, but how much of it is real and how much is just what I tell myself to pump myself up?
W was cuddling with me last night on the bed. She was apologizing for all the things she's done to mess up our life. She asked me why I loved her. I told her my reasons. I asked her why she loved me. She said (among other things) because it was because I was where she belonged.
I should have been elated to hear those words. Part of her WAW script over the last few months has been that she didn't know where she belonged.
I didn't feel anything. Why not? Did I detach too well? Have I lost my connection to her? Am I just emotionally exhausted? Or am I just wary of what she tells me, the good and the bad? I know she'll have another panic and be back to the same spew.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
W was cuddling with me last night on the bed. She was apologizing for all the things she's done to mess up our life. She asked me why I loved her. I told her my reasons. I asked her why she loved me. She said (among other things) because it was because I was where she belonged.
Well I can see how that answer could be a little less than satisfying. Just the other night she was saying she still loved OM and couldn't feel that way toward you. No wonder your emotions don't jump into high gear.
Starsky has a good script when a WAW is saying similar things, ILY, etc. "I really wish I could believe you".
IMO, it is not the right timing to be reassuring her now much you love her.......and certainly not asking how she loves you (considering she was just professing love for OM). She is still in WAW mode. You said you see her draw in when you pull back.
Is next week the big date with OM?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
it probably wasn't the best time, it was an offhand question that I answered. I didn't dwell on the subject.
OM is due in town next week for business but there's been no mention of them getting together. If she comes up with a sudden 'girl's night' in the next three nights I have ways of verifying her story.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Interesting thing came up in MC today. We both mentioned that our R discussions seem to just go around and around with no resolution and no new revelations. We've pretty much just exhausted what we can say about our core issues. The MC suggested that we break the cycle and stop talking about our issues. When the urge comes up, we need to find something to do together instead. Does not having R talks right now seem like a good idea? I've never felt like R talks are pursuing, because it seems like that's all my W ever wants to talk about.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
OM is in town. In the midst of our R talk tonight, she broached the subject of seeing him again after hours, to get more clarity. Not that there were any plans, just a "what if." I responded with broaching the subject of separating our finances and me moving out.
She's not talking to me at the moment. Oh well.
This woman seems to think that because of the mistakes I made in our marriage that I should just stand by while she goes out with OM. Unbelievable.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Rzr I'm sorry she's continuing to disappoint you. I always look for your updates hoping she will really and finally come through for you. I really hope it doesn't come to you moving out... but I know if you have to you will and you will be much better off. Stay strong and keep going.
Me: 44 W: 45 S: 11 Married: 15 Together: 18 BD: 9/29/2014 OM discovered: 10/16/2014 I left her behind: 12/14/2014
She's talking to me again, and hasn't brought it back up. Like I said before, it was more of a what if than a demand. She may be planning to sneak away and try to see him, and I can't really stop that. But she knows where I stand. We'll see what happens.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
My experience is that you have to let the other relationship play out, as painful as it is. I'm a strict stander and I like the zip-the-lips approach. I know I will know when he is actually back in his own head, and until then I assume that all kinds of darkness is consuming him on every front, that one included, trust God and just pray that hedge of thorns over and over and over. But I cry a lot, it is so so painful.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
