My late night thoughts. I feel as though the elastic has snapped.
I don't want her to pick me up from the station tomorrow, I'd rather wait an hour and get the bus. I don't want to talk to her or be with her. We are not friends. I will act with civility but I will not initiate any conversation. Passive aggressive? Maybe not if I keep a PMA.
And I will keep that PMA rock solid for S14's 15th birthday on Saturday On Sunday me and the boys will go out to my mum's and maybe somewhere else. And I will time it so we're back just in time for my bus back to the land of work so I don't have to see her.
I will be totting up what I've got at home with a view to moving all my stuff out and also totting up what we spend jointly with a view to pay half of the bills.
I have arranged call to coach Chuck next week so I won't do anything hasty but I've got to pull back from this, not be a doormat, stand up for what I want, what I am prepared to put up with and say no to what I am not.
Telling me she's got a date is like giving me advance warning that she is going to cheat on me though she'd say she is free to do what she likes as she has decided it's over. Well sod that. Do what you like then but be aware you must face the consequences.
However, having said that. I must do what works. I will listen to any vets who pass by and of course to coach Chuck next Thursday.
Last edited by Old Dog; 01/16/1512:13 AM.
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
I will be totting up what I've got at home with a view to moving all my stuff out and also totting up what we spend jointly with a view to pay half of the bills.
I'm kind of glad to hear you say this. I've been wondering what's in this arrangement for you and why you would go along with it. This is the one instance where I'd say the W is eating CAKE and I find it frustrating. She has no reason at all to change her ways or come back to you because she's getting all her material needs have met, nothing has really changed for her (so far as I can tell) except that she's getting away with absolutely RIDICULOUS behavior and you're still feeding her need to feel desirable by being so clear you want to work things out.
It's ok to let go. I don't know if it will bring her back or not because I really have no sense of her issues except that she was lonely -- DUH, you're going to be lonely when you live apart. But I feel like she ought to say "living apart doesn't work for me," not "our relationship has run its course."
You have done AMAZING things, OD. You don't get enough credit for how brave you've been or how far you've come. Yoga! Pedicure! Feel the fear workshop! London and Lord knows what all! She's wrong about you. I hope you feel proud of yourself.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Thank you Maybell. You, and many other friends on here are an inspiration to me with your strength, wisdom and analytical skills. You get so wrapped up in yourself sometimes that you don't realise how far you've come or what you've learnt.
For me, it's still hard to analyse it and figure out what is the best way forward. This morning, for example, I don't feel so angry and think I could live with this. Do I want to? No. I know the school of thought that say do not move out etc, but every situation is different and daft lass is just as resolute, showing no chinks in her armour.
There are more things I can do to GAL though, and more 180s I can practice. I has been difficult for me to identify what I can do as far as 180s are concerned. I'm not one of those people who can recognise specific behaviour and therefore when asked what can you change, will not usually have the first idea.
I have also contacted the lovely feel the fear workshop lady to arrange a follow up call. She emailed me after the workshop and said "I think you are a very brave man and it is refreshing to know that there are men out there becoming more self aware and who are willing to reflect and make changes when something in their life isn't working out." It's sometimes hard to accept compliments. You know, that is a 180 of mine: I do now acknowlege such compliments. If someone can see this in you and share it with you, I am pleased to hear it and not mumble something self deprecating. Americans propbably don't have such a hard time with this as we Brits. I'm following her on twitter as well.
I can heartily recommend attending a workshop to anyone on here. You don't need to have read the book, though I'd also urge you to do that as well. It gives a wider perspective as it covers your whole life it's all about GAL: your relationship is just one aspect of your life, but when it is the major one and then falls apart, that spells trouble with a captal T.
Right, off to work. Have a great day everyone.
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
But I love how much your latest posts focus on you. Maybell is right, you have made great strides! And I hope that British reserve you mention won't keep you from accepting the compliment.
Old Dog- I read your thread pretty regulalry but I may havemissed it. Have you ever spoken with a solicitor about all of this and your rights regarding the house etc?
On the way home now. Just texted daft lass saying I don't need picking up but she shopping in the city anyway. I don't really want too much contact with her this weekend. Oh well. Pump up that PMA.
Last edited by Old Dog; 01/16/1506:54 PM.
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
Back home. Had a nice chat with S12 on the drive back. Daft lass was in the back so can't really hear too much of our convo.
I've hijacked our bedroom rather than sitting in the living room. Now there's a 180 :-)
I feel much calmer now a couple of days has passed since she announced she was going to go on a date. I feel more like 'whatever, it's none of my business. Do what you like.' I can't change your mind, so I won't try and I'll just get on with my life.
Think mindfulness. Live in the moment. The only things that can hurt you are your own thoughts and you do not have to believe them. Ask yourself, is this true?
Holy cow I sound like some new age spiritualist hippie when normally I'll argue until the cows come home against stuff like astrology and homeopathy.
Last edited by Old Dog; 01/16/1509:57 PM.
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
Old Dog, I was going to reply last night to your 8.13am post - something the to effect that it felt like I was witnessing a turning point from you. You sounded stronger and more determined than ever. But I was feeling kinda low myself and couldn't muster the words.
But now I've woken to ^^^^ post!!! Holy cow indeed. Go you! I'm so excited to hear what's next for you.
BTW I've not yet read FtheF but have already recommended it to a friend on the basis of knowing it did wonders for another friend. Must pick up my own copy soon.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Where's my higher power? I need some inner strength.
I've been lying awake thinking about bagging up all my stuff and moving out while she's on this date. And then I thought, no I'll put all her stuff in bin liners outside the front door, like you used to see in cartoons when someone had been caught cheating e.g. Andy Capp in the Daily Mirror.
Now I'm sitting downstairs at 4 in the morning trying to put into action what I said previously about living in the moment. Approach everything with love. Yes I lovingly packed all your clothes up, neatly I might add.
The cat has somehow managed to escape the kitchen and is now sitting on me. That's a 180 for her: she's so antisocial usually.
25's super post on Raliced's fab thread has given me a little strength to carry on, but I could do with a coach or IC at the moment.
It's S15 now. A year older. There are presents on the table. I have had nothing to do with them. I don't know what's in any of them. I am just shut out. I should have made myself be more involved but I didnt. Argh! Daft lass was up really late last night. She must have been wrapping them. I didn't know and she didn't tell me.
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
I'm going to remind you of something I know you know.
Its S15s birthday. Let this time be about him. You aren't going to instigate any move out this weekend, ok?
After that, well, I have to say I like this alpha Old Dog who is rearing his head!
If DB is about doing what works - I guess I would ask if living together right now is working for you?
Funny- as I write this - I am watching one of my enormous felines snuggle up with my even more massive dog. Just like you!
Old Dog - When you get in these moments - there's something about your posts that always makes me want to reach through the computer and make you put your chin up!
