Jim0987 #10 - getting ready for mk8

[edz]

Hi Jim still catching up tonight after a busy day and s being a pickle this evening and being bouncy well well well past bed time. Suffice to say you know I feel for you, didn't happen the same way to me and no one in the wings I'm aware of but every other emotion I know and have experienced.

I'll catch up some more so may post back again but suffice to say I'm with you in spirit, I know its easy to say it will help detatch etc and it will but you're not a robot so I know thats only a comfort to your analyst side, to the other aide I say this it will get better, trust that, it will be horrid, you will be upset and sad and lonely and then you will be happy and optimistic and revved up and back and forth, I havent reached a full plateux yet, its got a lot better there are issues and w is still on full denial and auto pilot with me, no idea what shell decide or if I'll just drop the rope but both you and I will be ok and things will be good, not the same, but good don't fear that hang on, trust in it and take it easy mate.

Edz

And no bother I think I can speak for us all, were all happy to listen

[Vanilla]

Jim

It's a tough day. No 4x4, just love projected to you and you know i have a candle lit for you here. Time for introspection another time.

Just ((((((hugs Jim))))


It's just another milestone day on a long journey.

Your friend
Vanilla

[jim0987]

And she's gone. Next time I see my STBXW she won't live here anymore.

I kept the whole weekend positive and helpful. I was chatty and did any favours she asked. I was friendly and warm and said nothing that even the most twisted interpretation could describe as mean or abusive.

I was perhaps a bit too sad puppy dog as she left but there's a limit to the amount if emotion I can hide.

I didn't say any of the I love yous, I wish we could work it out that I wanted to say. I just said I hope she has a good time at the gig she is going to tonight.

Kids for the rest of the day then a good cry tonight I expect. Then Belgium tomorrow.

[SunnyB]

Jim, my H moved out two months ago. And that was the total,opposite of what I wanted and he knew it. But that's the way it is. And we are friendly and he is helpful around the house and a great co-parent. That may not be how you want it to work out for you, but I consider myself lucky that we are drama free and my kids are ok.

Have yourself a good cry if that's what you need. Personally, I took my girls to dinner and got an additional ear piercing that day. Tomorrow is a new day.

[edz]

Hi Jim, as I said on my thread a mo ago, was thinking of you this weekend. Sorry its so tough. Keep checked in here, my strongest advice is don't hold it all in, write it down here or in private in a journal or wait till your alone and rant at the furniture (my favourite) dont try to shrug it off.

Otherwise know you will be ok, you won't believe it at times but you will be. Take care mate.

[Mozza]

And she's gone. Next time I see my STBXW she won't live here anymore.

I just want to acknowledge this difficult step with you. When it happened to me, I cried in my WAW's arms and I told her, honestly, that it was the worst day of my life. I have etched a scene of it in my head that will follow me for a long time.

The cycle of life involves death before the rebirth. This is a small death, but also the beginning of a new life that will be, I'm sure, easier on you. Let's see in a month or two if I was right.

Enjoy your trip and say hello to the Nervians for me!

[jim0987]

I'm sure you're right and I know my STBXW well enough to know that from the moment she decided she had to move this stopped feeling like her house to her and she lost that basic security she needs.

I know logically I have no more or less chance of the outcome I want but it feels like my hope just died.

I don't want the situation of the last four months but this doesnt feel like it moves me toward my goal.

[Sotto]

Morning Jim. Hope your trip goes well...

One piece of advice I have found helpful is to accept your feelings, but challenge your thoughts at times like these.

You feel low at the moment of course, and that your hope just died. And when you think that, try and add in 'for now, ' things feel hopeless right now. That doesn't mean that they are hopeless, and that things won't improve. Just that you feel that way for now.

Sometimes we talk to ourselves in 'absolutes' - much like the WAS - 'She's moved on' - She doesn't love me - It's hopeless - etc. And our minds really convince ourselves that this is the TRUTH - But actually, it is only our thoughts, not reality....and we don't know what the future holds...

Hoping for better times ahead for you Jim - I'm sure there will be....

[jim0987]

Thanks Toots

Ganb8te put me onto the headspace app which i've found really useful (in fact i needed it to get to sleep last night). Its seems to be helping me to do better recognising this is how i feel now rather than this is how i will always feel or the more absolute this is how it is.

So a few weeks ago i would have posted 'this is definitely the end I have no hope at all' where as now its 'I feel like my hope just died'. Now to you guys reading this that may not seem like much of a change but that 'I feel' element is quite a big deal for me - in a good way.

But unfortunately I do still feel hopeless at the moment so its definitely work in progress.

[Sotto]

Good for you with the Headspace app. I might give that a try...I did have a look, but didn't understand how the cost worked. Do you get a trial, then an automatic charge?

I'm also meditating. I try and do 20mins a day and do think it has really helped. I got a lot out of the Jon Kabat-Zinn books, and there are meditation apps to go with them too.

It's good to know that we can find that calmness, even if our lives are a bit bonkers right now...