You've all been such a support. One thing that occurred to me, as we all have taken on our half (and more) of the failures in our marriages...
For the most part, the kind of people who gravitate here to save their marriages are not the kind that never cared, or failed constantly, or gave up.
We are (okay, were, if D already happened) still seeking a miracle and busting our tail ends to allow that miracle space to happen.
So when you are sitting alone, a little more down than usual, but with your dignity intact...
Hold your head up. You didn't quit and you probably did the best that you could with the tools that you had. You are still fighting for what's right. And for your own sanity, you need to know, that fight counts.
P.S. Wonka's right...once I get my own stuff together, I have a very full life left in front of me. New dreams are being allowed to form, and I hope for things that I would not have dreamed of while still married to my former spouse.
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
Shakes, just wanted to drop you a line of support. You're right about keeping your dignity, being the best person you can be in spite of all the ridiculous nonsense. I am glad that you see a new life and possibilities on the horizon. You deserve the kind of love that your XW is unable to give. I have seen you grow and learn a lot in this process, and I hope you can see that too.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Shakspr - I'm always very grateful when people come back to provide an update. I hope you'll set up a calendar reminder to come back every few months. I'm very interested to see what's next for you... but also for your XW! It sounds so outlandish (maybe not on these boards though...).
Thanks for the message of hope. All of us will be happy in the end and it's always nice to hear from someone who's starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
She is unwell, in my estimation, and will go through this cycle again. New guy is divorced twice, w/ 1 child from each previous marriage. I put the over/under for their M at 3 years.
^^This is so sad. 2 people who only care about themselves and a string of children left in the wake of destruction they've caused who are now set on a pre-determined course of repeating the same actions it they are not careful. So many children. These are the real victims.
Shake, my heart aches for you, but you'll come out stronger. More aware. Who ever is in your future (possibly even the ex) is going to be a lucky person.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Who ever is in your future (possibly even the ex) is going to be a lucky person.
You know, I would still consider it. She's shacked up, but not remarried yet. And who knows how OM will take to the reality of her extended and up-close drama? But once she remarries, I must say I am officially done.
We had an unpleasant conversation today about SS15 (she dropped some things off at my house that had been mixed up in the move) - apparently he's refusing to move back in with her, and there are more than a few reasons that we fought to get him back from his Dad's house a few years ago. I don't know what to expect next with him, and it hurts. Anyway, she was putting the whole mess on him. I basically said, getting into a disagreement with him about his education (and it escalating to the physical) is not the only reason he is upset. And I let her fill in the blanks. She left my house fuming. Apparently, she doesn't like the consequences of her actions to be mentioned out loud.
Meanwhile, the hits keep on coming - car trouble, etc. I am definitely building some character in 2015!
On the plus side, it's my second weekend in a row with my young ones. We have been putting away Christmas (broken collarbone slowed that down last month), playing a tactical board game called Heroscape and acting silly. Great day for bike riding in DFW, too! D22 stopped by, and we discussed the current situation a little more calmly than we did last Tuesday (I just realized that I didn't log that here, suffice it to say I am trying to teach healthy boundaries. She's getting it, slowly.)
Jefe, I want to apologize and let you know that your story AMAZES me! I dropped off your thread in November because my own pain was just awful, and yours seemed endless. It was too raw for me to stand. You are the lighthouse. The fog is lifting, and yeah, there's a mess. But your W is slowly owning it, and you will be there along side her with a broom and a shovel for as long as it takes.
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
