Responding Vs Reacting

[Sotto]

Hi Faith. The soap opera comment was from me, and I'm so sorry if I caused any hurt. I read it some time ago, and it has helped me with my sitch. There have certainly been times where, if I had responded to my H differently, we would have gone 'soap opera.'

I think all of our sitches have the potential to enter this territory, unless we get to a place where we are very balanced and centred - because many of our WAS's are all over the place, and may pull us with them if we allow it.

I think this is a great post from you, and that you have come a long way in a short period of time. Any time you have a wobble, this is a good post to go back to....x

[Faith2b]

Thanks toots. This journey is both hurtful and joyful. I'm great full for all the feelings. They help momove me forward. I really appreciate all comments. I need to hear things like this because for a while I would get on his roller coaster than on mine lol. So the fact that yoyou made that comment helped me to change my direction. I feel like I have been in this sitch for a while. I just needed the tools. I know your comment comes from a good place. I can hear your advice better than I would a friend or family who just want to see me out of pain.

[Faith2b]

Very excited will be closing on the house today!!


Things have been going very well. I have been really putting my foot down and it feels great. I have been met with some resistance but I have been handling that well. I spoke with him this morning and we did have a disagreement. He previously asked me if he could take the kids on a trip during my weekend. I told him "No". He asked again today. He was not happy. He spewed. He told me I havent changed listed some things that he has notce. Than he said Im still the same ignorant person I was before. I told him that he is hurting me and causing me pain theirfore I draw the line. I said you are free to make your own desecion but I will not be apart of it. I stayed strong. He said this is the reason why Im not gonna get rid of the ow. I repeated his comment. He quickly realized what he was saying and retracted his comment. I told him Im gonna protect my kids. I told him that his job is his work and my job are the kids.
He was upset but I stood my ground. Im very happy because despite him I am changing for my needs. Im changing to be a better me. Instead of sinking down to his antics I am actually giving him a challenge to come up to my level. I told him he needs to show me. It seems les is more at this point.


GAL ON!!

[Faith2b]

Oh yes,

To all the s that are worried about the oW. Well lets just say that worry is going pretty well. She now does not have a name. The more she has become insignificant to me. The less she is dragged in the sitch. I mean its really true the ow is JUST A SYMPTOM. May be unpleasant but come on...not that relevant. Stick to your guns about what matters to you most. Let them do the work to rid that sitch. Focus on what you need. I know very little but. I have really been in tune with me. I have become better at mastering my emotions. Theirfore I also have been better at watching him spew and staying out the way. I have realized he is going to spew because Im changing.




Any comments much welcome and suggestions. Also this page has been great for me to vent and share my experience. As I write I appreciate feed back. Thanks

[Faith2b]

Im very happy to have found many books about feminine power. I know I have been leading with my emotions. Since really discovering how my emotions have impacted my behavior I can now say that I can actually see my emotions as they come so I can respond rather than react and its a beautiful thing. I have been able to communicate much better with exh. It feels great to be able to recognize my behavior and respond to him. Without feeling attached to my behavior. Its like now if I do get angry I can apologize and say hey Im sorry I acted that way I was feeling upset and hurt. I can now communicate more clearly.

I feel I am the master of my emotions this has been key for me to really enjoy where I am. Just taking more time to enjoy my senses.

Im very thankful for this time given to me by God. I do think about will he actually show me??? Meaning my exh. Lately this has come up alot him showing me. Well he did say to me that I have been showing him. He has not shown me much just more so talking. Well I hope I can get some feed back. He is noticing me. But what will make him show me its one of those things I guess that are out of my hands. I feel that he challenges me alot to see if I will break. I just dont want to become hard. I guess their is a cost to his and my freedom. The cost is uncertainty. I pray I can accept and release all in my life that I do not have control of and all I cannot change.

[Faith2b]

I am having a rough day. I ultimately have been really centering myself well. I have been telling myself I am the master of my emotions and I have felt through them. Today I feel that I am raw its a day of healing and letting go.

I have court on Thursday and Im hoping that I will be able to get this RO off. Im not sure how it will go. But Im definately going to come in holding myself accoountable for my actions. I also glad I was able to genuinely apologize to him.

Ultimately he is in full play mode. I know this its very hard to be face to face with the rollercoaster but I am very happy that I have been able to let him spew and my reaction has been mimimal.

I am happy I can see myself more in this situation. I have been putting boundaries in place for me. It has not been easy but I have been happy with my decisions. Its so hard to know that ow is in picture. I know what the reality is of that but it does weigh on me in times when it involves my children any coping skills??????


Court cant wait. I just hope it will be the end on that day. Anyone know or heard the possibilities on court??


Im in Ohio

[Sotto]

Hi Faith

Sorry you're not having a great day - you've been doing really well, and there are bound to be downs as well as ups. In terms of coping skills, I think it is best to just take each day at a time (not think too long term), treat yourself gently - bubble bath, read a book - whatever you enjoy doing, let yourself feel low sometimes and just accept that. Other days will be better. Also, GAL helps of course.

Good luck with the court date x

[Faith2b]

Last night I took my kids to a event downtown Columbus. We had a great time we waited in line for 2 hours to get on inner tubes toslide down the hill. It was awesome. I was so suprised that all went well. We had such a great time. I made the best of my day. Today I do feel I need to be taken care of. I feel I really need to pamper myself. The thing is I dont even know how too. Any ideas??? Im just gonna take it rally easy. I need to just relax and recieve the glory of this day!!

[Faith2b]

Need some help today advice...this ight just be a woman question. I did start my menstrual and I feel very tired and unarmed for anything that may comemy way. How should I approach anything today?? I mean I am in a position of feeling depleted so how do I make this a day for people to give to me. I need to recieve on days like this.


Help??

[Faith2b]

I have been letting go. I had an incident in the store though. It was like I was being taunted because I have been working so hard to put everything to bed. Im going to focus on me. I have only a couple days until court. He has been calling me but I have noticed he has stopped. I feel like they last thing I said to him was kind of controlling and he will not respond to me because of that. This is an area I need to back off in majorly. I know I need to make him feel free in his choices. At the same time I have also realized I am free as well. I some times let his lack of communication upset me and unravel me. NO MORE!! Their is alot of books about self soothing oneself. I have put my neediness on this relationship and I see that.


Any suggestions??