Good, you met with a friend and got out of the house.
The more you step back, the more your W will pull toward you. Like a dance.
For now, when she texts with kids stuff that seems to be just an excuse to contact you, learn to answer with one to three words. B/c the more words you use, the more she sees your emotional attachment to her.
Good job!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thank you sandi. She had texted "do kids have money on lunch acct?" and i responded "idk, if so not much".
I have heard of the pull back and they move towards you "dance" but I am not sure if that will work on my W as she is super strong willed so I fear what approach generally works for most women might not for her.
I want her to keep trying to contact me just so I have a sense she gives a damn but I know I need to stay the course with regards to my responses hoping it gives me the best chance for eventual reconciliation.
Thinking too much today I guess :-(
M: 44 W: 45 Married 26 Together 28 D: 22, S: 18, S: 9, D: 7 S: 12/2013, seperate houses OM revealed first 10/2013, stopped seeing him OM revealed 1/2015, been going on for quite some time
" I am not sure if that will work on my W as she is super strong willed so I fear what approach generally works for most women might not for her."
Hi Vdubber - re: the above...many DBers say this about their WAS. You need to trust the process on this one. Whilst WAS's all have their differences, there are some things that seem to work pretty much universally. Try it for a week or so and see how it goes.
Last edited by Toots; 02/03/1506:57 PM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I am not sure if that will work on my W as she is super strong willed so I fear what approach generally works for most women might not for her.
Toots is right, there have been tons of men to say the very same thing about their WAW'S. Just as the similarities exists in the LBH'S, so it does with the WAW'S. You may have to trust us on some of this until you see for yourself.
Right now, your fear is talking to you. If you will conquer the fear of losing her, you will have won the battle for the most part. I want to tell you something that I hope will stick in your mind. Ready? I have my first time to ever read a newcomer LBH's thoughts of what his WAW was thinking.....that was ever correct. And if you'll notice, I have quite a few posts by my name.....and I have read even more.
There are a couple of reasons you will not be able to think like her. One, b/c she isn't like she use to be.....she has changed. Two, men and women are different in most things, and especially this area of trying to think like she would.
Yes, you know your W, but we know about the WAW. I promise the more you pursue her, the further away she'll get. The more you pull back, the more she will pursue you.
Make yourself less available and especially less eager to engage in a conversation. Remember, use as few words as possible.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thank you so much Toots and Sandi. I need to convince myself to stay the course. And ur right I don't know how she thinks anymore. She has changed so much it's incredible and disturbing. I feel she's been spiraling out of control for a long time and has landed in a place and with friends that are all similar and support who she is now. I cant help but think it will take a miracle for her to break out of where she is enough to see a path forward with me. But I truly love her and I'm nowhere near ready to give up hope.
M: 44 W: 45 Married 26 Together 28 D: 22, S: 18, S: 9, D: 7 S: 12/2013, seperate houses OM revealed first 10/2013, stopped seeing him OM revealed 1/2015, been going on for quite some time
Hi MrBond. I checked and they should both be delivered today. Is there a particular order in which I should read them? DB then DR?
M: 44 W: 45 Married 26 Together 28 D: 22, S: 18, S: 9, D: 7 S: 12/2013, seperate houses OM revealed first 10/2013, stopped seeing him OM revealed 1/2015, been going on for quite some time
M: 44 W: 45 Married 26 Together 28 D: 22, S: 18, S: 9, D: 7 S: 12/2013, seperate houses OM revealed first 10/2013, stopped seeing him OM revealed 1/2015, been going on for quite some time
Home from work and my DB/DR books arrived so that is good news. I was kind of disappointed my W didn't text me again today asking if I wanted to meet. I was prepared to say no but was still hoping for the text. There is a place that plays music tonight, an open mic night kind of thing so I might go have a bite to eat, listen for a bit, and then come home and read.
Too much thinking today is getting to me. I'm in this for the long haul, in it to win it...i just wish she could get on board but her life is so dramatically different now I don't know how she could make the changes she needs to even if i plan on making the ones I need to.
I'm gonna try to put it out of my mind the rest of the night if possible and try to enjoy myself. Easier said than done.
M: 44 W: 45 Married 26 Together 28 D: 22, S: 18, S: 9, D: 7 S: 12/2013, seperate houses OM revealed first 10/2013, stopped seeing him OM revealed 1/2015, been going on for quite some time
