Starsky - You're right. I've readin DB and DR its wrong, but at my lows and we encounter each other, I sometimes feel it'll do the trick. I really have to change that like you said.
Arcola, when you learn to stop operating based on your FEELINGS, and instead have a wise PLAN based on what you've read in the books, then you will begin to make progress.
It's okay to HAVE feelings, but you can't just ACT on them whenever you feel like it when you're trying to re-attract your wayward wife. It leads to setback after setback.
Sat. W invited me to go to a nearby city with her and kids on Sun. I accepted. We took the kids to the zoo, mall, and out to eat. All interactions between W and I were well, and not much was said by either of us of importance.
I got a hold of W's phone after we finished eating because she ran back inside to tell the manager how nice our waiter was. During this time I got into her phone. I saw that she has been or was talking to some guy and somehow sex was a subject. I was in such a panic to read what I could before W came back that I don't know if she or he said they had sex. I do recall her saying she enjoyed talking to him and expressing how she felt, but that she felt vulnerable and she doesn't want people thinking she is too nice.
On our drive back home we spoke shortly about the waiter and previous times eating at this restaurant as well as other people and how they act towards customer service when they/we eat out. After that W said she enjoyed our time together and I said the same. The remainder of the drive home I had my headphones on and nothing was said and I also didn't touch her once on this outing.
I'm feeling kind of low after coming across those texts. I don't even know who this guy is. Well tomorrow is work so that will have my mind elsewhere. I think I'm going to schedule a phone counseling since its been 2 or 3 months since my first of 3 sessions.
Me:30 W:34 M:8 T:9 D:9 D:4 D:3 S:4 S:1 D bomb: 8/2014 S 12/2014 PA Confirmed in 3/2015 if I recall correctly
W just texted me that she knows she has said this a few times, but that she had a really nice time. I replied that I had a nice time too and thanked her for inviting me. I followed that up with a hope the kids are wore out so you can turn in at a decent time.
Me:30 W:34 M:8 T:9 D:9 D:4 D:3 S:4 S:1 D bomb: 8/2014 S 12/2014 PA Confirmed in 3/2015 if I recall correctly
Just got off the phone with wife. Things turned quick. We were talking about our tax refund and I asked how would she like to spend it. She responded half and half. That was cool with me, so I simply verified with, You get x amount and I get x amount? Then the conversation took another tone and took off. She started with its not like I'm going to spend the money, I'm going to use it on credit card debt. Then she goes on to say how this financial situation makes her angry. How she doesn't like to discuss the finances because it makes her angry, working two jobs, her moving into a new place, her paying on a Lowe's debt for work done on our house she no longer lives in, etc. She also went on to say how our house she pretty much created (back yard, additions).
I let her say what she had to without lashing back. I tried to validate and said I don’t know what its like to have to move into a new place and establish everything new. I don't think I said anything or validated on how she felt about her financial situation. I do know its starting to slim the pockets for me though.
At one point she got to talking about our house and how people who were over complementing it a couple of weekends ago for S1 birthday party. She went on a rant about how she made the house this or that for what it is now and what the kids enjoy. I gave her the credit that the majority of the ideas and actions to get them in motion/completed were hers, however we both funded those things happening. I also went on to say its our house and I don’t look at it or refer to it as "my" house as she does in conversation or to me.
Our convo ended because she had to get back to work. Guess I got to look forward to this more.
Me:30 W:34 M:8 T:9 D:9 D:4 D:3 S:4 S:1 D bomb: 8/2014 S 12/2014 PA Confirmed in 3/2015 if I recall correctly
You should start redecorating a room or two at your house. Making it "yours'. It'll be a good project to occupy your time and your mind on a healthy project of taking ownership of your home as though she isn't coming back. Instead of sulking over her...she'll hear about you doing this and that to "HER" home and wonder what's got into you....maybe. Either way, it's healthy for you to begin transitioning your space into "your" space should this not turn out as you wish.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
Yesterday because I got into WAW phone, I confirmed she has been in a PA with another man. He isn't original OM which I also confirmed she never slept with. Its been running through my mind since the early AM when I read it. I haven't confronted her about it, but I've been pretty silent. We stayed overnight in a city to do things with the kids. Should I confront her or what? Its running through my mind like crazy. I even asked her last night if she slept with someone and she said no, following it up with her and a friend girl talk about self pleasing so so much.
Me:30 W:34 M:8 T:9 D:9 D:4 D:3 S:4 S:1 D bomb: 8/2014 S 12/2014 PA Confirmed in 3/2015 if I recall correctly
Why are you snooping? Aren't you separated? She fired you as her husband and in her eyes most likely views your marriage as over and she is moving on. You should figure out a plan and stick with it.
Originally Posted By: Arcola
Yesterday because I got into WAW phone, I confirmed she has been in a PA with another man. He isn't original OM which I also confirmed she never slept with. Its been running through my mind since the early AM when I read it. I haven't confronted her about it, but I've been pretty silent. We stayed overnight in a city to do things with the kids. Should I confront her or what? Its running through my mind like crazy. I even asked her last night if she slept with someone and she said no, following it up with her and a friend girl talk about self pleasing so so much.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
Why are you snooping? Aren't you separated? She fired you as her husband and in her eyes most likely views your marriage as over and she is moving on. You should figure out a plan and stick with it.
Originally Posted By: Arcola
Yesterday because I got into WAW phone, I confirmed she has been in a PA with another man. He isn't original OM which I also confirmed she never slept with. Its been running through my mind since the early AM when I read it. I haven't confronted her about it, but I've been pretty silent. We stayed overnight in a city to do things with the kids. Should I confront her or what? Its running through my mind like crazy. I even asked her last night if she slept with someone and she said no, following it up with her and a friend girl talk about self pleasing so so much.
Arcola, if you confront her you will set yourself back 10 fold. Stop looking.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
