That is really excellent news. It may appear to you that W is unaffected by this but I am absolutely sure that is not the case. Knowing that there is a possibility that you might meet your maker is more than a few hours influence.
This will take time and of course there is still the tumour to remove. Invasive!
Give the lass some breathing space.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I know it doesn't seem that way Rzr, but her mood right now is actually GOOD NEWS, as it most of her other behaviors and words that you describe. Piecing is DAMNED difficult, and it will be in fits and starts. It took me and my wife a good six months (other than some really good early monkey sex, lol) to even BEGIN to "get there," and probably a good TWO YEARS before things were fully back and then gradually became even better than before.
Hang in there. The "injecting fun and humor" is a GREAT idea!
Rzrback - It looks really difficult, but I agree with Starsky309 that you have to trust the process. From my reading of the success stories, your sitch is following the normal process. You know, many of us would really like to be where you are.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Thank you, and in the light of day I am actually encouraged by some of what I hear out of her. The therapist even said that she saw some positive baby steps. She still says things that are hard to hear; but I'm getting better at staying calm. For the first time I'm starting to feel like we're in piecing. I've said the P-word before, but this time does feel different.
I know she needs to process all this in her own way and her own time; patience is not either of our strong suits, as most of the regular posters on my thread are well aware.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Valentine's Day has been causing a lot of stress for her. It's not that she cares about the holiday itself, she's just tired of being reminded constantly about sex, romance, and happy couples; it makes her feel like a failure because her M is not happy.
We've never celebrated V-day even during better times; it's not really our style. We've already agreed we're going to stay in that night, eat pizza and watch horror movies.
Last edited by Rzrback; 02/11/1510:57 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
The last few nights have been OK. She's not emotionally crashing, at least. She's been somewhat upbeat and I've been making sure I stay that way. She's not particularly warm, either. She doesn't recoil when I touch her but doesn't initiate affection. Maybe it's my perception. If I had to make a comparison, it's about like it was in the last few months leading up to BD, before I knew exactly how off things were. We have not had an R talk in a couple of nights.
I'm not about to ask her anything; I learned my lesson on that. I'm trying to thread the needle between giving her space and not engaging with her enough. I don't want her to feel like we're going back to the old way we used to bury our heads in our computers and ignore each other, but I don't want to smother her either. I'm just trying to figure out the best way to work on that love tank.
She has been 60 days post NC with OM. From everything I can tell she has stuck to that. I know he's coming back to town in late March. I don't think she even knows that yet. I can see the calendar of his contact here at my company.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
I guess I'm trying to figure out if I'm doing this right. I feel like we might be in piecing, she's no longer in an active A and hasn't been for two months. Her mood is better, though she's still going through withdrawal, I'm sure. How do I know if I'm striking the right balance between giving her space and not engaging with her enough?
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
It's ok to have R talks in piecing -- in fact, you'll be having lots of them.
"Honey, I want to ask you something, and please be honest with me. We've been through a lot, and I'm really happy -- but honestly, a little scared, too -- about how things have been going lately. I want to keep making progress, but I don't want to smother you, either, but I don't want to pull away so much that you think I'm being cold, or distant? What works best for you? How can I help you?"
Coach used to say that "How can I help you?" was one of his most powerful things to say to Greek, and she would say that she loved it as well. Very validating, and OFFERING to help fix, but not trying to FIX RIGHT AWAY.
