Actually, that does make more sense. That way, posters can click on the link and have all of the resources there. The link could be used by the readers in both the Newcomers and MLC forums.
Good idea!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
This post was exactly what I needed to read today. I'm finally getting a better grasp on what my wife is going through. I guess I need to look through these forums better to see all it has to offer.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Please do not tell your spouses that they are depressed. They will not listen to you. They must figure this out on their own.
This for me is one of the most frustrating aspects of this. I can see so many of the signs of depression in my MLC W, but I can't suggest to her that she go see her doctor. Her mother made the suggestion, mentioned that she sees signs of depression, and W just blew her off. I don't even dare mention the subject with her -- but it's so sad to see her struggling with all of this and pushing me away. I'm the only person in her life who can actually see all of these signs because she masks them very well around others.
The line about a connection between untreated depression and upper respiratory illnesses also struck a cord with me this week -- W has had a pretty severe upper respiratory illness this week that seems to be lingering longer and harder than these things usually do with her.
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
job, it would be great if Cadet can add this. It is so informative!
I know that newbies desperately seeking help & answers appreciate any resources & information that is available to them. Thanks for posting!
pbetra ---- M: 15 yrs (in 2014) BD: 6/03/2014 Infidelity ('known' from July 2014) Denied PA Feb 2015 2 leave Mar 2015 (left early Summer). Some contact. Back briefly 2017 (after family death) Separated 2017
I feel very silly now. I have spent some time pouring over the resources, hit the vast majority on that list, but missed this one completely.
If I may add a few things, this is for people dealing with depression in their spouse.
First and foremost, you need to recognize that it isn't your fault. This truly is a disease. Would you blame yourself if your spouse was diagnosed with cancer? The same applies here.
Second, understand that you can't "fix" your spouses depressive moods. You can be supportive yes, but do so with no expectations of them recovering.
Will post more later, running out of time.
M: 38 W: 37 T: 20 M: 19 Kids: Stepson?20, S19, S16, D12 BD: 02/19/2015 (She moved out) PA Confirmed: 02/22/2015 (She is now living with OM) Dazed and confused: 09/13/2015
This is so true. My STBX suffers from depression, OCD, hoarding etc. He has a strong family history, which he hid from me before we got married. I did everything I could go to help him and get him help. It did not work. He has to figure it out on his own. Maybe he will. Maybe he won't.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
Always remember, you didn't break them, therefore you can't fix them. Yes, you can be a friend and listen, but when it comes to "fixing" them...THEY have to do the work and want to be fixed.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
