I've read DR, loved the book it really spoke to me, funny how every time I have been reading it and thinking to myself, "But how does this relate to me" the next paragraph is perfect.
Anyways my wife moved to her parents 1 months ago (been married 12 years), I'm looking for tips on using what I've learned in DR with a W who doesn't live at home right now, it's not easy when you don't talk or see her often. Trying to give her space and not push, since last time we talked she says she just needs her space.
Thanks.
M42 W41 D17 Step-D17 S10 S8 Married 11, Together 14 Separated 1 Month, W living at her parents Bomb: 1/16/2015 "I don't feel close to you, I feel distant."
That I can do, was just thinking it was about the good DR that I have read and the skills learned from the book.
M42 W41 D17 Step-D17 S10 S8 Married 11, Together 14 Separated 1 Month, W living at her parents Bomb: 1/16/2015 "I don't feel close to you, I feel distant."
Has she expressed any interest at all in hearing from you? If not. Has she expressed any interest in you NOT saying anything to her? If she's still interested in hearing from you, don't over do it, but reach out. A simple "hi, how are you, I hope your day goes well" is a good enough and an effective greeting.
I wouldn't go much deeper or mushy than that. It could be counter productive. GL DJ!
Me-35 W- 30 Married Jul 2010
S - 4 BD - 23 Mar 15 I responded to filing 27 Mar 15 OM suspected in Feb OM confirmed 7 Apr
Song Casting crowns - Broken together (amazing song check it out on youtube)
If she is interested in hearing from you, she will contact you. In the meantime, you can still practice DR by focusing on what you want to do with your life without her an active part. What have you always wanted to do, but haven't gotten around to it? Are you exercising? Do you have a hobby that you wish you had more time to enjoy? Do you belong to any groups (e.g., church, hobby, community or issue group) that you could get more involved in? If not, look around and find one or two that interest you. That way, when she does contact, you won't be always instantly available, you will be busy with things that are signs that you have a life, you will be happier and lively, etc. You don't need to even tell her what you are doing, in fact it may be better not to so that it seems truly like something you are doing for you and moving ahead with your life rather than something you are trying to do to impress her or make her feel jealous. It will come out in subtle ways and you will be a bit of a mystery to her, which is always good.
So, don't focus on the parts of DBing that require interaction. Focus on the GAL. If life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Of course, things are difficult and you would prefer the marriage healthy and secure, but getting involved in things you really find interesting (it may feel somewhat forced at first, but if they are things you really think you would like if you felt like liking life right now, it will come) and some joy will seep back in. That will work a lot better than making each little contact a high stress move in a chess game.
Good luck!
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
