Part 15 - a blue edz rising

[edz]

Just realised I didnt answer your question on initialising non s messages. I try to avoid it as much as possible as I know I'm inclined to start writing essays again! Then its pursuit central if I dont catch myself.

So not often but yes I have. I'm afraid the results are garbled. Sometimes warm chatty funny responses (my w) sometimes nothing followed by a text hours later - sorry phone died with nothing else so I let it go and sometimes curt cold OK's etc.

Not so much mind as body language reading I'd say w is hurting right now, she's hurting financially and whilst her mother enjoys battling with people w hates it she's having issues with her job ending too which I won't go into for her privacy

She has said she feels she's losing s and she is losing aspects of him to me now we've repaired or are repairing our relationship. He asks to come here mid week as well as weekends and she's not enthralled. I haven't nor will I tell w but s told me at the weekend he prefers his room here. That shocked me as his other room is bigger, w has spent a lot on rugs etc as well. We talked about this and he said hes very grateful and likes the room at the flat but he said he just loves the fact his room here reflects him with the action hero canvases and the colours he wanted accented along with minions etc. He said his mum let him pick a colour but only from a range.

Now s has a talent for the overdramatic as I've said before but even taking this as a grain of truth its a suprise.

I also found it interesting that w gave me a selection of S's things to out in his room here but they all involved older activities and our joint big trak I've integrated them here bit his room there..cuddly toys Lego ...

I know other "thing" I believe she's fighting with as well.

Little things she's mentioned, I've talked about my music setup think of a track and I can generally queue it up from the sofa in any room with a player (from the loo if I have a phone or tablet with me not that I'd do such a thing) I got w a Bluetooth speaker for Christmas so she has some music in the kitchen as she was missing it. She said the other day she felt technologically limited but short of building and maintaining it for her (which isn't going to happen) she's using Spotify free and her speaker and thats what she has.

She also looks worn, good, always good to me, but she looks tired and has said she's not sleeping.

So I suppose the damnable nice guy in me just doesn't want to let her get on and feel abandoned. We've all struggled with the illogical logic of dB and creating a sense of being missed but I do worry about her at the moment especially as all her actions are so s related.

As part of thing I know she's doing things that she didnt do in our m (not with other people) and those affect me as well, nothing I can discuss though again.

So why mention all this? Just as a way of journalling why I'm having issues really, if w was just cold getting on socialising and getting on then I'd be hurt and the rest but Id get on getting on and leave her to her devices its knowing how she seems to be struggling and that she seems very undecided that keeps me on the hook from my side.

Anyway thanks for all the poking today guys I know gal is my shortfall and I'm going to have to distance myself if I want a life and not to be a plan b or friend zoned - both of which w well knows but its hard to let my best friend for 16 years appear to be in such a cr@ppy position much as shed deny any problems exist at all.

I know stop trying to save her save yourself...I know.. Nice guy edz has always been a curse of mine!

And what comes on random music play?
Let her cry by hootie and the blowfish, ha!

[Sotto]

I certainly don't think a bit more GAL can harm your sitch Edz, and it may do you a lot of good! You say you don't know what you like - but you've mentioned a few things - movies, photography, pub quiz, pub etc....plenty of scope there potentially....

[edz]

Hi toots agreed it can't and it can help me

Just back in went to a rather nice coffee shop sat on the rather comfy sofas and let the guys outside in the hand car was wash and wax the car and clean and prep the tyres while I read the Sunday papers. Rather a nice afternoon although then it started chucking it down. Was going for a late swim before I realised the pool is shut because of a swimming gala grrr so I'll go tomorrow instead.

Will start thinking about dinner soon but this evening is going to be investigating groups for cinema , photography etc in my area let's see if I can find something this time.

Nothing from w, not expecting anything though and I'm not hanging on her contacting me today been quite a chilled day ( chilly when I went beach side this morning for a walk in fact flipping freezing but at least it only started raining this afternoon!)

[jim0987]

Hi edz, well I'm sat at Heathrow and just catching up (I should be writing a presentation right now mind.)

Sounds like a very relaxing afternoon you had there.

Anyway, you said if she was cold you'd get on getting on. Well you know my wife is pretty cold but I'm not sure its any easier to get on, its just a different kind of tension.

You said you don't want to be her plan B, so I have a question for you

What's your plan B?

[edz]

Evening all

Imagine youre in Italy by now Jim enjoy. What's my plan b? Firstly regroup and get my head straight acknowledging w is moving on (this greatly depends on what w does about thing as thats another story entirely) help settle s behind it all then consider if its time to think about friend only dating I suppose bit its not time nor near it yet.

Anyway after missing out on that jacket the other day I was browsing gumtree and fired off a couple of emails had a call at 7 and just picked it up for £12 not bad.

Haircut in the morning and then off to w to migrate her data. Depending on if anything comes out of that I'll either get on with whatever has presented itself or I'll be off to finish getting the remainder of my wardrobe replacement.

So nice tagletelli and meatballs in a chilli and tomato sauce tonight no wine after a bottle to myself yesterday. Happily chilled this evening, dont know why just know it will be ok for some reason with or without w. I hope for with but its her call right now.

[Sotto]

Sounds good Edz. Hope your GAL research goes well!

[edz]

Nothing so far toots, cinema club but turned out to be for women only aged over 60 so I dont reaaaaly fit that demographic.

[Sotto]

Keep at it my friend...hows about:

Camera/photography club
Search the local paper for clubs/events
Google search - town name/clubs and societies
Have a look at local meetups
Talk to your colleagues about getting that pub quiz team together again
Ask the local cinema if they have groups who visit on Orange Wednesdays

T x

[edz]

Joined meetup.com (not a dating site BTW) going through the groups nearby now.

[Ggrass]

No iPhone here s3 android rooted of course. Can set a silent tone and have thought about doing it I run the risk of missing something to do with s though. Often these text sessions start on something to do with s and then continue. I like them and dont want to stop of course so I make my life harder for myself. But I can hardly complain that this is hurting me and choose to do nothing about it I just need to act to slow down the responses unless they're s related it would seem.

So, when she texts think is this urgent is this about s does it need a response?
A few hours won't hurt unless she texts s is in er about to, have emergency surgery and might die.

When it changes to not about s don't reply. Your, replys encourage Her.

Service clubs and charities are good. You don't need to be too social but can be doing a good turn for others.