Part 15 - a blue edz rising

[edz]

Hi gg

Light rain can be peaceful that was like being in a giant dishwasher!

I dont know on my sitch, who knows I understand and respect the dB ideals but I hate not communicating with w.

Right now though she knows I'm here and that I want to work with her to build a new r between us. She says shes not ruling anything out, not stalling so I suppose I just need to see.

[edz]

Not much happening here today, dreadful night so rearranged thu/Fri will go into the office tomorrow (have calls most of today anyway).

Nothing from w, not expecting her to really after the pressure comment yesterday think shell retreat most likely.

Tired today but will still exercise shortly. No enthusiasm right now so will just go through the motions today. Odd I dont feel upset by w just like I'm burned out, maybe trying too hard but I dont feel I was pursuing or raising expectations maybe hope got a boost as we discussed toots, but nothing more as w is not the warm fuzzy type and likes me to stop chasing.

Well never mind, best get on. Check in later.

[edz]

Wow did I break the forum, nothing posted in the past hour..

Oh well everyone must be sorted bar me

[Ggrass]

Nup, I'm round but wanting to move bottom to head to shower and bed.

Planning a trip to the royal easter show.

[edz]

Sounds good Gg, the easter show i mean, although shower's good too - had a nice hot shower myself after 60 situps.

Have a good one. No idea whats going on here today seems very, very quiet!

[Ggrass]

I should post an update but anywho, too tired and there's tomorrow waiting for the car.

[edz]

No worries Gg we'll wait in nervous anticip................................................................................ation

Have a good evening.

Naff all going on here apart from a lot of conference calls and a bizarre overdue electricity bill I need to query. Feel very down today about a lot of things. Got some GAL plans coming up in the next few weeks but nothing this week it will pass it always does.

Take it easy all.

[Sotto]

Hi Edz - I'm around! Just finished work for the morning and catching up with the boards before I head into town. Got to pay that solicitor's bill!

You are right. It will pass and there's always something useful to be learned from these tough phases. Hope you're keeping busy with your calls etc.

One thing I've found is it's useful to have flexible GAL options - for those weeks that seem a bit bleugh. The bookstore volunteering is flexible for me - and Susana mentioned a lecture programme that she goes to. Are there any flexible GAL options in your area?? I suppose gym is pretty flexible already?

Is S with you from tomorrow?

[edz]

Hi Toots

I've been exercising and walking more when I get blue, doesnt help if like today Im in office or have a stacked sheet of conferences but Its probably helping my fitness level.

Nothing else on the GAL as yet I think its because Im in an uncomfortable gap between trendy young things and the crumbly zone around here (80+) 40+ something activities are all the uber expensive things around here like yachting or for the want to be super fit like windsurfing and landboarding. The more, fitness and financially challenged, like me seem to be left with eating, movies or couples / family activities which is a little limiting but I will find something!

No idea on s as yet, trying not to deluge w after saying I'd back off I then had to contact her with 3 emails regarding her ebay stuff, the last of which was changing the account to her email account and reminding her she'll need to authorise it.

Didnt want to lose the account really as now I have no history but honestly she built up the feedback and I barely use it plus removes a potential aspect of pursuit as her inbox fills up with emails from me forwarded on from ebay!

Last contact I had with w yesterday was a calm one asking had she had a nice dinner (so busy extracting s from video games and I was so bushed I forgot to ask) and saying if I didnt hear from her I would be around saturday morning to pick up s.

I would love to email, text or call but she really needs to reach out to me next. Simply off the back of her comments in "keygate" yesterday and to stop me coming off as pressuring or pursuing. If I have a genuine reason to ping her I will but much as I want to tell her about my day I think I'll probably hold off.

She knows I want to reconcile, knows I was and am here for her and s and knows the offers for family days and indeed 1:1 dinners are on the table (so to speak) any more I do risks me pushing her away.

Have to say though, I dont feel needy like I did, dont feel down as I did before a started detatching but I hate, absolutely loathe not being able to send her little texts and emails like we did about how our day was going. If I miss anything during the day its those moments and the responses. Got me a little blue right now

[edz]

And my Gas / Electricity bill of £340 didnt help my mood either