Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 6 of 11 1 2 4 5 6 7 8 10 11
Train #2546507 03/11/15 11:01 AM
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 788
N
NH115 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 788
Originally Posted By: Train
... if he doesn't already ...

What a douchebag.


Douchebag is just about the nicest thing I've called him laugh

He travels a lot, I bet he's got a new GF. Probably used the same "frigid wife" story too.

W tried to tell me last night that he's not really a bad person. Keeping my food down is a challenge sometimes.

She had a panic attack when we got home from the gym last night. Not cruel, just panicky. But I kept my cool. Ended up being one of the most respectful and productive R talks we've had in a long time. She says she doesn't feel progress, but I see little bits and pieces all the time. If she doesn't feel connection with me, why does she always run to me when she's freaking out?

Last edited by Rzrback; 03/11/15 11:03 AM.

Ex Rzrback
Me 43 Her 44
D11, D15
T21, M19
BD 9/9/2014
Piecing

Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood

NH115 #2546514 03/11/15 11:51 AM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 924
U
Member
Offline
Member
U
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 924
Hey Rzr,
Been selfishly quiet lately, but still ready everyone's story. I still see much promise in yours. I am trying to wade through similar waters.

Hey - would you rather her run to someone else when she's freaking out?


Me-45 W-44
S21, S18, D15
T-27, M-21
BD Jan 2014
PA revealed March 2014
In-house separation - April 2015
I filed - Aug 2015
She moved out Oct 2015
u-turn #2546517 03/11/15 12:02 PM
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 788
N
NH115 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 788
Originally Posted By: u-turn
Hey Rzr,
Been selfishly quiet lately, but still ready everyone's story. I still see much promise in yours. I am trying to wade through similar waters.

Hey - would you rather her run to someone else when she's freaking out?


Oh, don't think I'm complaining, u-turn. Just find it curious, that's all smile


Ex Rzrback
Me 43 Her 44
D11, D15
T21, M19
BD 9/9/2014
Piecing

Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood

NH115 #2546787 03/11/15 09:45 PM
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 788
N
NH115 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 788
Getting ready to go home for the day...


I know that W has seen OM today at work. I also fully expect another panic like she had yesterday. She literally had her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath. She's terrified of staying with me and staying unhappy, she's terrified of letting me go and being unhappy, she's terrified of being alone, she's terrified of everything. She hasn't done anything wrong that I know of, but I know the fact that he's in town this week is stressing her out. Any ideas on how I should handle this?


Ex Rzrback
Me 43 Her 44
D11, D15
T21, M19
BD 9/9/2014
Piecing

Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood

NH115 #2546795 03/11/15 10:01 PM
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
Rzr,

You can empathize with W and leave it alone. "I can only imagine how rough and confusing this is for you. I know that you'll figure things out." Smile and then turn to the kitchen to cook...whatever.

Might want to read up on the Boundaries Cheat Sheet to prevent your talks from going off the rails AGAIN. smile Boundaries: Cheat Sheet

Wonka #2546854 03/12/15 01:41 AM
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 788
N
NH115 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 788
I'm keeping that link Wonka, it's great stuff. Thanks!

I got home, she had dinner ready and a smile on her face. We had dinner and then played board games with the Ds. No mention of OM or R.

We're curled up watching Big Bang Theory right now.

She's such an enigma, but I'll run with it. confused


Ex Rzrback
Me 43 Her 44
D11, D15
T21, M19
BD 9/9/2014
Piecing

Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood

NH115 #2546913 03/12/15 11:21 AM
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 788
N
NH115 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 788
Unexpected good night last night. Had dinner, board games with our Ds, we curled up in bed to watch TV.

Neither one of us mentioned OM or our R, not even obliquely.

I'm sure she's trying to live "as if", like our C recommended. I agree that we need to lay off each other. I liked it, but of course I second-guess everything I do. Am I letting her back too easily? I do feel like she's really trying.

Last edited by Rzrback; 03/12/15 11:21 AM.

Ex Rzrback
Me 43 Her 44
D11, D15
T21, M19
BD 9/9/2014
Piecing

Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood

NH115 #2547737 03/15/15 12:40 AM
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 788
N
NH115 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 788
I got back from the gym and she had another emotional crash. Out of nowhere. I know she's not doing anything wrong; she's not contacting him, but I know it's all about him. How do I handle this? I'm not willing to cheerlead her where he's concerned, but I want to be there for her. I know she's trying. I'm just trying to keep things up at this point. I'm sick of living my life around her and her unstable moods and by extension, him.


Ex Rzrback
Me 43 Her 44
D11, D15
T21, M19
BD 9/9/2014
Piecing

Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood

NH115 #2547740 03/15/15 12:48 AM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
What does she say and do during these crashes? Is she respectful at least towards you, remorseful at all? Or is it spew?

It's the re-contact. It's going to affect her.


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
NH115 #2547744 03/15/15 12:52 AM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 924
U
Member
Offline
Member
U
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 924
Remember bad is good. Her emotional crashes may indicate that she is actually "kicking the habit". This cannot last forever - right?

Just be the solid man that you know how to be. She will find you.

Patience


Me-45 W-44
S21, S18, D15
T-27, M-21
BD Jan 2014
PA revealed March 2014
In-house separation - April 2015
I filed - Aug 2015
She moved out Oct 2015
Page 6 of 11 1 2 4 5 6 7 8 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard