Need Help 2

[errod]

I am thinking I won't tell her for now. The filter is not going to clog and the system fail right away. At least I can stay on task for a while and see what happens.

W came and dropped D14 off about a half hour ago. She came in and was very pleasant. A lady we new just passed away so I showed her the obituary and we talked about that for a few minutes. I had my coupons on the counter and she saw one for a restaurant that we never tried but always wanted to go to. She asked if I wanted to go sometime. I said that I will have to see her Tuesday night to get D14's clothes before we go away for the rest of the week. We can go that night since she will be missing a few of her nights with D14. She said that sounds good. I know that may not be detaching but at the same time it gives us a rare opportunity to go out as a family. I will then be gone for the rest of the week so if the normal have a good time followed by a bad day, I won't see her for a few days, to get the bad day.

[errod]

How to I link my old topic to this one?

[sandi2]

Old thread:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...222#Post2500222

[errod]

I guess I have been a fool. D14 is here with me and we were talking and she was started telling me how the entire time she is with her mother she is in her room either texting or on the computer. We then started talking and she told me W told her out of the blue that the attorney said she can start dating since the D was filed. D14 said she doesn't respond to her because she only gets yelled at by her.

D14 also told me if she finds out she is dating anyone she wants to live with me 100% and cut her mother out of her life. D14 is very upset by this entire situation, she can't talk to her mother and everything is out of my control.

It makes sense why she does not want me working at the office anymore. She new I was on the trail of catching her.

I am so distraught right now and don't know what to do. I have the guys address and phone number but approaching him is probably not a smart idea.

[sandi2]

Sorry for the pain you and D14 are having today.

[errod]

I need to show W how her choices are affecting our D14. She is insisting that she is not fazed by it. But I see my sweet little 14 year old shutting down. I just don't know how to do it. It was one thing to hurt me but not my daughter.

[sandi2]

You can't show her anything by talking to her. That is what I try to get across to the LBH. She is not going to have any of what you tell her.

All you can do is protect D14 as best you can. You can't make your W be a good parent.

[errod]

Well D14 has really opened up to me today. She told me W told her that she has had hated me since July and once she is finished with someone it is forever.

D14 told me I have taken to much abuse from W the past 8 months and she does not understand why I would even want her back at this point. She said with what W put me through she would not be mad at me for moving on at all. But because W went and asked the attorney if it there was anything she could lose by dating and attorney told her it was ok, she would hate her for doing it.

I told D14 that I made a mistake 10 years ago and had an EA and wife took me back and never brought it up again. It was when we separated due to her not paying me any attention her freshman year of dental school. I only had the EA for 2 weeks and realized how much nobody could replace what I had with my W. So I earned a second chance after 6 weeks and have never even looked at another women. I was always honest though I told her I was talking to someone who she was and everything. I never tried to lie about it.

Now this weekend was the Home Show at the mall and W and D14 went yesterday to walk around. D14 told me W kept waving to people and she was getting ignored. So D14 said W looked upset and wanted to leave. W then said something to D14 in the car and D14 said to her you do know they are all daddy's friends and they are going to side with him. She looked sad then.

With everything I found out today I may just hang low and see what happens. I know I only have so long until the D will be final but in the meantime if I just go on with life she may see what she had before wasn't that bad. But at the same time I am going to protect myself and make sure I get what I am entitled to and not let her manipulate me.

I for the life of me can't see how long a 52 year old man could keep a 36 year old woman happy. Especially since she doesn't need to use him for money or anything. He has kids closer to her age. When I looked at his facebook the only thing they have in common is running so they will have to get bored of each other quickly. He just isn't me right now so that is all she sees.

This may actually give me the wake up call I need, because right now even though my heart still loves her, my brain hates her. So it will be easier to watch her struggle and not go running and chasing every chance I get.

[errod]

Well W is out again. Her attorney gave her the green light and now all she does is go out. It really is amazing how much someone can change.

[Fogg]

Its hard to do but you just have to let her follow her own path and you follow yours. Those paths may come back together, or they may separate forever. You can only control your path so that's what you should be focusing on.

I hate seeing my W do the things shes doing now because I can see how its only going to hurt her in the future, and she cant see it yet. But that's not my concern anymore, its something she has to figure out on her own. All I can do is work on my myself and let her do whats shes going to do, just as you have to.

For me this has been a blessing and a curse at the same time. Its the worst and one of the best things that has ever happened to me as hard as that is to say. I may lose my wife, I may not, only time will tell. The more important part is that I'm finding myself.

As for thinking you need to show her how her actions are affecting D14, Sandi is right. She wouldn't accept anything you have to tell her even if you had a valid point on something and doing it in some covert way will likely only come back to bite you. You don't need to show her anything, you just need to protect D14 as best you can. This is something your W will have to figure out herself or live with the consequences of.