So last night I did something I shouldn't of but it made me feel better. W said she was out with that girlfriend again. So I went for a ride by the girls house and she was home and W was not there, so obviously she was with a man.
So at that point I came home and D14 and I were hanging out and watching movies. So I took a picture of D14 and I laughing and having a good time and sent it to W. Saying family fun night hope you are having fun.
W did her new thing of not reading my text until the morning like she does now she won't answer even read my messages after like 7:00. At 6:00 this morning she texted me good morning and asked if I can come to the office this afternoon and teach her how to run checks. I never answered her. Then at 10:30 she texted me are we still going out to dinner tomorrow night. And did I call our accountant which I did. She said the accountant called her and told her what to be careful of tax wise if she goes through with the D.
She then texted me again saying how busy she was today. Then brought up the check scanner thing again. Saying am I going to help her or does she have to call the bank. I told her I will be there at some point when I have time.
In that time period D14 texts me asking if I can take her out after school. I told her it is her mothers night. She said but she rather me take her. So I texted W saying that D14 and I are going out after school and I will drop her off when we are finished. D14 has been telling me she wants to stay with me. She says she never thought her mom would tear apart are family without a good reason and she doesn't want to be around her.
W then kept trying to text me for small talk and I finally told her I have a job now and I need to work. I can't just talk to you all day. I did get two listings from a friend who is a property investor for $500,000 in property in my first day.
So yes I still love my wife and yes I am not giving up yet. But I have to say she is really hurting me.
So one other thing that happened last night was when D14 was asking me why I won't give up on mommy and I told I love her and have 19 years with her and I can't just throw it away. She said mommy said she has hated you since July, so you must really love her or be crazy. I said it is funny she says that stuff to you and I showed her emails from January where W was telling me she loved me and missed me.
Tomorrow I meet with my attorney and looking at the laws online I may be able to extend this thing for like 9 more months. I also am going to keep myself busy and not contact W first. We are going out to dinner as a family but I don't see that as a bad thing. It isn't really a date, it is just the 3 of us hanging out before, D14 and I go away for the rest of the week. W says she is coming down for the weekend but she will get her own room. I did not give a response.
I feel much better and controlled today but I just have to see where it goes with her and this guy she is dating. W is very hard to get along with and she can't keep friends or anything for more then a month.
D14 told me last night that mommy always told her to do well in school so she can marry for looks and not have to rely on a man. But now she is dating Grandpa, because he has money.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
Sometimes doing what you aren't suppose to do helps you prepare for something. Just looked at W's phone bill and she called her D attorney at lunch. At least now when she hits me with something I am emotionally prepared and will just be like whatever.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
We are going out to dinner as a family but I don't see that as a bad thing. It isn't really a date, it is just the 3 of us hanging out before, D14 and I go away for the rest of the week.
Ever heard of cake eating?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Well I just finished doing picking D14 up from school, taking her for ice cream, teaching W how to run checks, taking D14 to Target for some stuff she needs, and then dropping her off at W's
When I dropped her off at W's I was not planning on getting out of the car. But our German Shephard was out there circling the car so I said hi to him. W came over to me and said what are my plans for tonight. I said nothing that I know of. Said have a goodnight and left.
D14 just texted me and said W walked in the house and said why is he acting so happy and weird.. D14 said I don't know but I like it.
W is also confused why D14 asked me to take her to the store on her day.
Yes I heard of cake eating. And yes it crosses my mind but when I dwell on the negatives I get all messed up. For example when I first came on here and everyone was telling me she was having an A, I went into panic mode and kept slipping up.
Like I just told my D14 I love my W. I explained to her the reasons I love my W. I can honestly say this is the first time in 10 months even though I want things to work out more than anything, I will be ok if they don't. I have a support group reaching out to me and I have my D14, who is all I need right now.
D14 asked me when I was driving her home when am I going to date again. My answer was no time soon that as long as I have her everything will be ok.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
It's completely normal, but also completely why you must live by what you KNOW to be true and cannot rely on your feelings.
Feelings are real, they just aren't reliable.
-PM
Last edited by PatientMan; 03/17/1503:06 AM.
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Well I got up and went to the gym. I have not heard from W since dropping off D14 yesterday at 5. That is a long stretch.
When detaching does the WAW sometimes take a step back before taking a step forward. I know I am expecting way quicker results than are realistic, but yesterday she texted me all day and came running out when I dropped D14 off. But then she said to D14 something is strange about the way I am acting and why am I so happy.
Suspected OM is her 12:30 appointment today. I can find an excuse to go to the office at that time, but I run the risk of her reading between the lines and flipping out at me.
In my heart I want to save my marriage but by fighting her to extend it by not agreeing to the divorce and making them base it off a 1 year separation (which would be next January) do I run the risk of making her mad and closing the door.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
I just reread Sandi2's Wayward Wife post again. It really hit home this time because event though I wanted to deny there was some type of affair going on, my W at least has her mind on someone, even if it hasn't turned physical. So I need to really implement that plan.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
When detaching does the WAW sometimes take a step back before taking a step forward. I know I am expecting way quicker results than are realistic, but yesterday she texted me all day and came running out when I dropped D14 off. But then she said to D14 something is strange about the way I am acting and why am I so happy.
This is all very typical behavior for the WAW...this is her on her roller-coaster. If you want to regain your sanity, you have to learn how to get off of that ride.
Originally Posted By: errod
Suspected OM is her 12:30 appointment today. I can find an excuse to go to the office at that time, but I run the risk of her reading between the lines and flipping out at me.
In my heart I want to save my marriage but by fighting her to extend it by not agreeing to the divorce and making them base it off a 1 year separation (which would be next January) do I run the risk of making her mad and closing the door.
Don't go to the office. It will only be seen as more controlling behavior (which means you aren't listening to her and respecting her either), it is not conducive to you moving forward in this process, nor does it help you reach any goal you may have. There is nothing good to come out of it.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Well after talking to my attorney today and having some old friends call me because, I am not with my W who they hated, I am ready to move on with my life.
Yes I still love her and I would still reconcile with her, but I will not be a doormat to get her. I always thought because she was the successful one that everyone would side with her and I would be some type of oddity. But I have people coming from all over reaching out to me. Yes she has Grandpa her old man boyfriend but so be it.
I took down all the pictures of us and took off my wedding ring. D14 came home and smiled and said I am so proud of you. She is not worth the pain she has put you through. I told her, I am going on with life because I need to, but I do still love my W and am not closing any doors for good.
I have not spoken to W all day first time that has ever happened. We are still going to dinner tonight even though D14 said she doesn't want to because I have to keep things amicable because I am going to have D14 the rest of the week.
I found the evidence I was looking for that W was having an A and I know some on here say not to look, but I needed it for closure. But I guess legally it wasn't an affair because she already filed for divorce before ever talking to him. I think I would still be sitting here like a doormat if I didn't know. Now she would have to earn me back.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
