Need Help 2

[sandi2]

I have not heard from W since dropping off D14 yesterday at 5. That is a long stretch.

If you are still initiating calls to your W, make it your goal to stop calling. Every time you initiate a contact, it is pursuing her and that is totally opposite from what works with a WW.

I want to refer to something you said to your D14 about as long as you had her, everything would be okay. I'm not taking what you said the wrong way, but let me say something here. Be careful not to put too much emotional pressure on your D14, where your welfare is concerned. She is angry at her mom and taking your side, which is understandable, and even normal. However, she does not need to feel that she should take your W's place, emotionally speaking. Young teenage girls in the same shoes as your D can become protective about their dad and if he leans on her too much, it could prove to be a burden too heavy. In other words, if she should begin giving up part of her activities to stay with dad, let it be a flag getting your attention. And, she probably wouldn't tell you she sacrificed being with friends or doing whatever she normally would have been doing, but that is why you need to work at GAL in addition to the time spent with her.

You expressed earlier that you are located in an area that is difficult for you to adapt. Just saying, it could be very easy to look at D14 for all your GAL time.

[errod]

I have not heard from W since dropping off D14 yesterday at 5. That is a long stretch.

If you are still initiating calls to your W, make it your goal to stop calling. Every time you initiate a contact, it is pursuing her and that is totally opposite from what works with a WW.

I want to refer to something you said to your D14 about as long as you had her, everything would be okay. I'm not taking what you said the wrong way, but let me say something here. Be careful not to put too much emotional pressure on your D14, where your welfare is concerned. She is angry at her mom and taking your side, which is understandable, and even normal. However, she does not need to feel that she should take your W's place, emotionally speaking. Young teenage girls in the same shoes as your D can become protective about their dad and if he leans on her too much, it could prove to be a burden too heavy. In other words, if she should begin giving up part of her activities to stay with dad, let it be a flag getting your attention. And, she probably wouldn't tell you she sacrificed being with friends or doing whatever she normally would have been doing, but that is why you need to work at GAL in addition to the time spent with her.

You expressed earlier that you are located in an area that is difficult for you to adapt. Just saying, it could be very easy to look at D14 for all your GAL time.

Sandi2 Everything you said about D14 made perfect sense. I can see where what I wrote has you concerned. The reason we are so close is because I always allow her to have her own life. She knows I am always here for her but I will never hold her back from doing something. She said to me today now keep in mind this is in teen language. "you are going to be jaunt" I said what does that mean she said now that you took your ring off all the girls are going to be looking at you. She said all my friends moms comment about you.

One thing that held me back for GAL is my W is the one that worked and brought in an income. I was afraid to go out and spend her money. Well my attorney clarified that it is not her money and I can't forget all the things I did behind the seens that have a monetary value. So hopefully now I will start doing things and not feeling guilty.

I will repeat myself I do not want this D. But I can not force someone to stay with me either. My attorney commented on that today. He said he could tell in my body language and responses that I am not ready to close the door. I told I am here only to protect myself.

I don't usually send the first text or call.

[errod]

At 6:00 W texts D14 and says I guess we are not going to dinner tonight. She said she tried texting me at 1:45 and I never responded so she takes it that I don't want to take her. I honestly never got the message and that is probably a good thing because it made her feel rejected.

We did end up going out to dinner after we got that straightened out. It was kind of awkward. We really are going different directions, with me being out of the loop with the office, not being able to talk about any meaningful topics, and not being able to talk about the future. It really is just small talk.

W said she had fun though and kept thanking me for taking her. D14 was not happy, she said to me why did we have to take her. I said because she isn't going to see you for a few days so I wanted her to have the chance to see you for an hour.

I am so looking forward to tomorrow. Just a chance to get away and let loose. I am not really worried about what W is doing because I already imagined worse case scenerio.

I said nothing that I shouldn't of. I showed absolutely no emotion. I am proud of myself.

[errod]

Got up this morning ordered my real estate signs I needed to order. Picked up donuts for my D14 for breakfast. We cleaned the house and now we are packing up to hit the road at 10:30.

No contact with W. I have not initiated contact with her since Sunday. Which may not seem like long to many but anyone that has been following my journey they would see that is a step in the right direction.

I was always right there and never gave her a chance to miss me. I may finally understand what I should have been doing but I may have waited to long and we may to far gone at this point. If I only gave her space months ago when she wanted it when she was just sitting home upset, rather then only now getting the message because she is living a life that does not include me.

Going to the tournament today is emotional for me in another way. My best friend who was 50 years older then me but we talked everyday and went to every High School ball game together passed away last year. This is my first year ever going to States without him with me. I miss him everyday.

[errod]

W did end up texting me saying have a safe trip. So I will wait about an hour and just right Thank You.

[PatientMan]

Well done - keep it up!

-PM

[errod]

Made it to Charleston. W tried texting me twice about logistics and I waited both times before responding and then 1 worded my answer.

The cheer squad begged me to go with them to dinner so I am going to go with them and then go watch some basketball. I am have fun.

I do miss having my W with me though. But if she was here I wouldn't have been invited to go to dinner because the coaches and her hate each other.

[errod]

This not initiating contact or being short is really getting hard. There is so much that happened today and I can't share it with my W. I know doing this is better for the future but it doesn't make it easier.

[EyeTie]

Stick to the NO CONTACT errod! It will pay off! My WW asks people all the time what I am up to, I tell her NOTHING.

[errod]

I am going through absolute with drawl right now. I have not contacted wife first since Sunday. She has contacted me less and less each day from there. I miss her so much!!! She texted me all day Monday. She texted me once on Tuesday but we went out to eat. Yesterday she only texted me 3 times but now her texts are only one liners like my responses.