Errod, get out! Go out and do something to take your mind off of things! Get out of your comfort zone! Take your daughter out to a movie, sign up for a class that you always wanted to do or one that you were "afraid" to do. I have been taking ballroom dancing classes and cooking classes. I just signed up for a class to help me brush up on my Italia (I want to go back to Italy in the future). Whatever it takes to get your mind moving away from her, do it.
My WW moved out, I work from home every day. Our home, our dream home we bought together 5 years ago. It kills me to sit here day in and day out, for the first few weeks I was super depressed, but then I said "ENOUGH" and started focusing on ME and not HER. Do the same, you will get through this.
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
So W texted us when we were driving home and asked if she could stop by and see D14 when we got home. I said no problem, she said great she will pick up dinner for us since we will be hungry after our 5 hour drive.
When she came over she cooked us dinner instead of picking us dinner up. That is better in my books. She sat down and stayed about 20 minutes and talked.
She said bye to us and was walking down the step to leave. My heart started raising and I ran out behind her. I then said to her "Is there something wrong with me. Why won't you kiss me". She looked at me like I was crazy. I said don't you remember when we first started dating thats exactly what you said to me, when we had our first kiss. She then said she can't because I would get the wrong message and she does not love me and we have to follow through with the divorce.
So yes I backpedaled again. I don't feel to bad about it because I don't think it was a horrible attempt on my part.
I know I probably shouldn't have done what I did. Are short visits a good or bad thing. We find away to bump into each other everyday but no more than like 15 minutes. Is that because she has enough at that point or is it a defense mechanism.
I still am not positive if she actually filed for a divorce yet. I know she had a proposal prepared and she handed it to me but I have not been served yet. Also I hired an attorney on Tuesday and he was going to call and request that her attorney send it to him and he will let me know when he gets it. He still hasn't.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
I know I probably shouldn't have done what I did. Are short visits a good or bad thing. We find away to bump into each other everyday but no more than like 15 minutes. Is that because she has enough at that point or is it a defense mechanism.
Errod. Correct, you shouldn't have done that. Its pursuing to her and just setting yourself up for disappointment. You wanted to test to see if you get a certain reaction from her, and then you don't. Even if you excepted the exact reaction she had, your still setting yourself up for disappointment because of hidden expectations you might not even realize you have.
Much like you I think about W all the time and obsess about every action she may be doing. Trying to understand why she does this and piece actions/words together so I can get an idea of what shes really thinking. Its not good, it leads to your sanity taking massive dives and it only gets worse the more you do it. You will notice things that shes does, you cant stop that, but trying to put meaning to them only hurts you over time.
Detach.
Short visits or long visits, at the end of the day it really doesn't matter. Until she actually says the words and makes a commitment to rebuilding your marriage, nothing she does or says means anything concrete.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
You are correct. It became a chance of was the risk worth the reward. Since I want the reward so bad I took the risk and loss. It's all good though tomorrow is another day.
I am just getting antsy because on Tuesday I am setting up a retainer with my Divorce Attorney. I don't really want to spend another $3000, plus I know once these attorneys start going at it. Things are going to get ugly.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
It's like a drug, isn't it? Just say "NO!" You will get better at it with practice; it will get easier; you will feel more confident in your actions and reactions over time.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
I was just looking at my credit card online after getting back and just noticed about an hour ago my wife took her car to the shop and got a rental. I am nervous if everything is ok, but also know if I call and ask her it would taken as controlling. I guess if it was really bad she would have called me.
The worse part is she is just blowing money. Like I said before she has no idea the value of a dollar. We have cards that would of gotten us a big discount on that rental but due to her not telling about the situation she just paid $100 more.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
Your thinking and reactions were 100% correct. Keep it up!
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
She did call me about an hour later and told me her car broke down and is in the shop and she had to get a rental for the weekend.
It just kills me that she will do anything to not ask me for help. This stuff was always my role in the relationship. But like she reminds me everyday there is no relationship anymore.
A local coffee shop around the corner has karaoke on Friday nights from 7:30-10. I am planning on going and checking that out to get out of the house. I told my W I was going and she is more then welcome to join me. She said that my D14 has multiple friends at her house so she won't be able to get out. I said no problem I am going either way I was just curious if you wanted to join me. I kind of gave her the option to hang out with me if she wants to but at the same time let her know that her answer was not going to effect my plans.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
It just kills me that she will do anything to not ask me for help. This stuff was always my role in the relationship. But like she reminds me everyday there is no relationship anymore.
I know - it hurts.
It's very likely her just trying to feel like she can be 'okay' on her own. I know that isn't what you signed up for, but it's what she has convinced herself she needs.
And it's quite possible that the sooner that itch gets scratched, the sooner she begins to think with a clear head. That isn't a call to manipulate the situation, and it isn't a guarantee of behavior, but knowing that may make it easier to endure.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
