You could always try the ol' rope-a-dope. You know, "Maybe you're right. This might not work, I see it now. I've been pretty positive, but maybe you're right. I certainly hear what you're saying, and I'm starting to have my doubts too. This isn't working for me, either."
It's risky, but since you're actively thinking a formal S anyway, what do you really have to lose?
It's the ol' RobX "You're right, I'm a crappy husband," only without the sarcasm. You really DO just jiu-jitsu it on them.
You could always try the ol' rope-a-dope. You know, "Maybe you're right. This might not work, I see it now. I've been pretty positive, but maybe you're right. I certainly hear what you're saying, and I'm starting to have my doubts too. This isn't working for me, either."
It's risky, but since you're actively thinking a formal S anyway, what do you really have to lose?
It's the ol' RobX "You're right, I'm a crappy husband," only without the sarcasm. You really DO just jiu-jitsu it on them.
That if you can follow through -- start GAL and being mysterious after that.
My basic rhetoric tonight goes something like this:
"I hear you; we have a lot to wade through, and I'm also starting to wonder if it's too much. That said, if you really want to work on our marriage, I'm in 100%. That means IC for you, MC for us, and both doing everything we can to build a new marriage together. If you don't feel like you can commit to working on us, then it's obvious we have some decisions to make. If that's the case, then maybe that's what needs to happen for both of us."
Last edited by Rzrback; 03/19/1509:39 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
This still feels like you're still there no matter what. I don't like it.
If you're looking for an concise way to articulate what your basic position has already been, this is fine. If however you're looking to upset the push-pull dynamic and make her think "oh cr*p -- I've gone too far and I might be losing him," I don't see that here -- at all.
My basic rhetoric tonight goes something like this:
"I hear you; we have a lot to wade through, and I'm also starting to wonder if it's too much. That said, if you really want to work on our marriage, I'm in 100%. That means IC for you, MC for us, and both doing everything we can to build a new marriage together. If you don't feel like you can commit to working on us, then it's obvious we have some decisions to make. If that's the case, then maybe that's what needs to happen for both of us."
I think she's still going to know she has you on the sideline. Change the dynamic. Take charge
Women are attracted to a confident man that doesn't waiver in his decisions. Make your decision, stick through it. Post here if you have doubts.
If she's acting like that you should State a boundary - W I can't talk to you when you're like this. We will talk when you're calm and walk away
I would say something along the lines of,
'W, I've been doing some thinking and I know there are many things I would do differently. Maybe you're right about S. We really both need to move forward.'
I don't want to S, but I'm willing to go through with it. I don't know how I can get a bigger rise out of her now. Haven't heard her this angry in months.. I'm not willing to be an open spew target 24/7
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
