I read Cadet encouraged you to focus on yourself and I want to re-iterate that. Your posts are all about how she is doing but I see very little about you as to what you are doing to work on yourself. Ex. she this, she that.
You rely on her behavior and then try to analyze it. You try to see if it is because of something you did or didnt do. STOP! thats my 2X4.
Journal about YOUR thoughts not YOUR thoughts on what she is or isnt doing. What do these feelings remind you of. Go back to your childhood. Reflect on your own experiences.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Wow. Thanks 2chiquitos. You are right. I am so damned worried about what's going on in her head, I am again losing focus on me, I am striving to be the best father and person I can be. If I am changing for her, this won't end well. Thanks again.
Me: 44 Her: 42 T: 22, M: 20 D:18, S:16, S:11 Sep: 6 months in 2002 Sep again: March 15, 2015 (5 months) WAW talk again: January 21, 2019
Yes, I am in IC. The main focus now is me disconnecting from external things (work, devices, kids coaching) and tryin to be in the moment with conversations, moments with the kids, etc.
Last edited by Miler; 03/23/1512:02 AM.
Me: 44 Her: 42 T: 22, M: 20 D:18, S:16, S:11 Sep: 6 months in 2002 Sep again: March 15, 2015 (5 months) WAW talk again: January 21, 2019
Interaction was nice last night. I kept it all about her. She initiated some discussion, which was great. We shared eye contact on several occasions. She thanked me for picking her up at the airport. Before we left the kitchen, I told her how great it was she got to have that weekend experience with her family. She smiled and looked me in the eyes and agreed. I could totally be reading into this with rose colored glasses, but it was almost as if she paused and wanted to hug me. I said, hope you have a good night...see you in the morning and walked upstairs.
Today, I will work on my positive thoughts, words, and actions. I will continue to learn to focus on what's in front of me. My biggest hurdle right now is detaching. I will get it!
Me: 44 Her: 42 T: 22, M: 20 D:18, S:16, S:11 Sep: 6 months in 2002 Sep again: March 15, 2015 (5 months) WAW talk again: January 21, 2019
Im interested to know what strategies your IC told you about to practice working on yourself?
I learned something recently about practicing living in the moment. Observe your five senses. What do you smell? What do you taste? What do you hear? What can you feel? What can you see?
Also honing in on your location. Example. I am here on Earth, Northern Hemisphere, North America, United States, etc...
Food for thought.
How about journaling about how you practiced
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
My IC has me focusing on first my internal sensations, like can I feel or hear my heartbeat, then working outward...noticing my breathing, noticing my surroundings, noticing my partner. After I take internal stock, I fully engage in the activity that I a participating. For example, when I am playing a board game with one of the kids, my mind wondering about work prevents me from fully connecting with my child. I don't fully engage in the moment and lose opportunities for connection and bonding. This most certainly happens with the W. The phone is a big distrator that prevents me from living in the moment, as well as spending time in my head (thinking about work, etc). So I have to put all of that aside (external things like the device are easy enough to leave in the other room), but thought control is much more difficult. Hard not to think 30 minutes in the future while doing something or talking with others.
Me: 44 Her: 42 T: 22, M: 20 D:18, S:16, S:11 Sep: 6 months in 2002 Sep again: March 15, 2015 (5 months) WAW talk again: January 21, 2019
I have definitely had my best day yet today, I took a road trip for business with my partner. We laughed, cut up, and even had some serious moments of discussion about the R (he has been through a D). It did sort of click that my happiness isn't dependent on the marriage. That's a big mistake I've been making for years. I'm independent of the marriage. I can be happy with or without her. Was the craziest feeling...something I haven't had in 15 years. Also the first time I finished a full meal in a week! Lol. Anyway, detached from W when I got home...she continues to pull away and act pissed. I'll be patient with her because I know she's hurt, angry and upset (and she just buried her uncle). I also continue to show her unconditional love, and contribute happily to household chores, etc, But I am working on me and my relationship with my kids...ain't nobody got time for that negativity she's showing me.
Me: 44 Her: 42 T: 22, M: 20 D:18, S:16, S:11 Sep: 6 months in 2002 Sep again: March 15, 2015 (5 months) WAW talk again: January 21, 2019
