Had an interesting R talk yesterday...she was actually complimentary for a change...said she liked my stable, better mood. She characterized the way I handled my parents in this last email exchange as "beautiful", and called my willingness to take the lead in the family as "attractive" and "sexy".
It was just words, but she's not good at blowing sunshine if she doesn't feel it. Improvement? Maybe
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Beautiful!! The MIL was a major factor in our M problems. No, let me correct that statement. It was my H's inability or refusal to take a stand in supporting me whenever she threw me under the bus. There was this one time, however, that she thought he would actually choose her over his W (long story), and when she placed him in that situation, he told her he supported his W. She about fainted. She immediately left our house, and as soon as the shock wore off.....I proceeded in seducing him!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Beautiful!! The MIL was a major factor in our M problems. No, let me correct that statement. It was my H's inability or refusal to take a stand in supporting me whenever she threw me under the bus. There was this one time, however, that she thought he would actually choose her over his W (long story), and when she placed him in that situation, he told her he supported his W. She about fainted. She immediately left our house, and as soon as the shock wore off.....I proceeded in seducing him!
Had an interesting R talk yesterday...she was actually complimentary for a change...said she liked my stable, better mood. She characterized the way I handled my parents in this last email exchange as "beautiful", and called my willingness to take the lead in the family as "attractive" and "sexy".
It was just words, but she's not good at blowing sunshine if she doesn't feel it. Improvement? Maybe
What?! You cannot accept a genuine compliment from your W, NH?! Especially when it's been the main source of friction between the two of you and you finally stood up to your parents. It's a HUGE thing for you and your M.
Keep going....
Sandi, wow...you are some lil' seducer under that straight-laced shirt!
Oh, I took the compliment! I always have that grain of doubt in the back of my head, but it was a positive thing for sure. I'll call yesterday a win.
I guess I'm still wary, because 5 minutes before she said those things, she was still saying she still wasn't sure "where she belonged". She wasn't referring to OM; he's becoming less of a factor everyday, but just where she belonged in general. I loved her compliment but was still a little confused.
Last edited by NH115; 04/02/1506:43 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Beautiful!! The MIL was a major factor in our M problems. No, let me correct that statement. It was my H's inability or refusal to take a stand in supporting me whenever she threw me under the bus. There was this one time, however, that she thought he would actually choose her over his W (long story), and when she placed him in that situation, he told her he supported his W. She about fainted. She immediately left our house, and as soon as the shock wore off.....I proceeded in seducing him!
Check again, Sandi...are you sure you're not a redhead from Oklahoma? My primary failure as a husband was my inability to stand up to my parents. She lost her attraction to me because she wanted to feel like her man could protect her (she actually said that almost verbatim last night)...a quality I didn't exactly demonstrate very well when it came to them. When they pulled the bathtub incident (I talked about that in detail many threads ago), my inability to present an ultimatum to them...stop the intrusion and bullying or forget about a relationship with us...was the final nail in the coffin to her attraction to me. It's a great example of the damage a "nice guy" mentality can do to someone. I was classic nice guy in that regard.
I have very little relationship with my parents because I think they're bat**** crazy. They told me they were coming to our state in a couple of weeks and tried to arrange for us to come and visit. I told them not just no but hell no and BCC'd my wife. She loved my response
She didn't try to seduce me last night, unfortunately, but all good things in time
Last edited by NH115; 04/02/1506:56 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Sandi, you and my W sound so similar. How did you work past the resentment over your H's weakness with MIL, and how did you regain that attraction for him?
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Wow, time flies. I realized I hadn't posted in a while.
W came out of surgery just fine today, she's got a couple of weeks of recovery, but she should be fine.
The last couple of weeks have been a real shift in attitude for me...I'm really struggling to stay motivated to keep this marriage going. I'm not angry, about the A or anything else, I'm just finding myself becoming more and more detached....not sure where to go from here.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
My primary failure as a husband was my inability to stand up to my parents. She lost her attraction to me because she wanted to feel like her man could protect her (she actually said that almost verbatim last night)...a quality I didn't exactly demonstrate very well when it came to them. When they pulled the bathtub incident (I talked about that in detail many threads ago), my inability to present an ultimatum to them...stop the intrusion and bullying or forget about a relationship with us...was the final nail in the coffin to her attraction to me. It's a great example of the damage a "nice guy" mentality can do to someone. I was classic nice guy in that regard.