Cherry, I am about ready to cry. I spent nearly two hours working on a post to send you, and on the last sentence my clumsy finger hit something wrong.....and I lost the whole thing. Yeah, it was pretty long. It just nearly makes me sick to put that much time into typing up a post, then lose it. Anyway, I will have to take another go at it, and maybe shorten it a lot!
suggestion next time that happens try hitting the back button and see if you can get your post back. That works for me sometimes
I am back, head down but still hopeful. I would like to share and get some feedback.
From what I understand, the PA is over since Dec (?) They still chat but I'm not aware of the frequency and she has lied about chatting with him. She has made statements like:
"I hate lying and that's why I want to separate so I can be free to chat with him and not lie to you". "I will never give him up as a friend". "He doesn't want me that way (PA), there is no future for us".
She wants to separate. How she wants to go about this is to first sell our house, move to a different city, live together first. If things work out hey, we may still be together. I don't really believe that. I think that by me going along with all this, she gets help in moving and setting up. At that point, she is free to dump me quite easily as things are all wrapped up.
"You're not my backup plan, you're my potential plan".
She still wants me to spend time with her, have sex, and generally speak her love language. She has stated that she doesn't love me. I believe that. She get upset when I don't cater to her emotional needs. She throws out hope at times. She wants me to sleep in the MBR.
If we separate, we'd have to move to the other city anyways and get 2 different apartments. I won't lie to you, I want to keep the house. She hates it here and said that she has never been attached to "things".
She says that living with me means no freedom. I asked her what does that mean, and she said that she wouldn't be able to chat with her friend as long as she is with me. I said, you want to give up everything just for chat? She said yes. Other people have told her she is crazy but she doesn't believe it.
TB, your W sounds deep in fog at the moment. I certainly wouldn't engage in any of her plans to 'save' your R somewhere down the line. If you want to stay in the house, stay in the house. Further down the line if she comes out of the fog, and you guys want to try again, that's the time to think about moving perhaps.
If she is still in touch with OM in this way, and still wanting him - those are big danger signs, and you need to make you number one priority. Not entertain these 'mad plans' that she has.
Personally, I would go pretty dark and live your own life for now. Your W may or may not choose to join you at some point down the line...
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Tenbook, it would be very risky for you to pull up roots and follow her to another town. She says she doesn't love you, and is upfront that she won't give up OM. You mights as well keep your home and stay where you have friends, family, work, etc.
Why follow after a WW who doesn't love you? If she changes her mind, she'll know how to find you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I would not be able to keep the house on my own and we could not share custody. We work in the same city and her complaint is that the commute is murder.
Do I go along with it? Hang onto the slim hope that if we move and we live together that we may get back together? If so, there is no reason for her to give up her OM.
I am afraid. Afraid that she lives on her own and changing her mind as being the only way to get her back. But I know she will be happy on her own. She's a tough gal.
Cherry, I am about ready to cry. I spent nearly two hours working on a post to send you, and on the last sentence my clumsy finger hit something wrong.....and I lost the whole thing. Yeah, it was pretty long. It just nearly makes me sick to put that much time into typing up a post, then lose it. Anyway, I will have to take another go at it, and maybe shorten it a lot!
suggestion next time that happens try hitting the back button and see if you can get your post back. That works for me sometimes
I quite often hit the "Go" button instead of the "Submit" button. I think it's a significant a usability flaw.
Cadet is right though, you can usually retrieve what you've written if you go back a page using the browser back button at the top left of the screen.
Perhaps they can remove or move the "Go" button.
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
I think the DB approach for LBWs should differ slightly from the LBHs. Because the female and male dynamic is quite different.
Case in point.
For WAWs, the connection to the OM is emotional.
For WAHs, the connection is visual and sexual.
For DBing to be successful, the LBH needs to come down HARD on the WAW because the emotional allure is like a powerful riptide tearing her and the M asunder.
For DBing to be successful, the LBW needs to re-attract her WAH for men really like the chase and are visually-oriented.
Sandi & Wonka. I've done my best to employ LRT and the 37 Rules. I've done well in some areas and less in others. That is the price of learning and changing. Regardless, I am moving forward.
The above addresses a WAW with OM. What about a WAW without OM? How does the thinking change if at all?
Also, I don't fully understand the connection of the idea that "...the LBH needs to come down HARD on the WAW..." and the LRT/37 rules. How are we to "come down hard" when we don't have much contact?
If this is covered in the other posts let me know.
Thank you for the help & guidance!
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
I do have a desire to pay forward a little of the help I received in those dark days for me.
I would encourage everyone to PAY IT FORWARD. The people that helped me like Jack3Beans,HB,Mach1,Cat04,Job, and many others no longer need help. So the only way I can pay them back is to help others.
Bravo to you Sandi2 for also being in this mindset!
I hope the people that we are helping can also one day help many others!
