Sandi2's 37 Rules

[MrBond]

Did you actually read the books? Most of the answers are in there.

[alpha99]

Yes, I have read both the books a few times. I haven't seen answers to those questions I asked, hence why I am asking them here in reference to the 37 'rules'. Maybe others too who have read the books may not have gleaned all the information they could have done from them. I'm sorry if I'm being daft here.

[MrBond]

First off, the rules are from the book. Sandi copied these 'rules' from another poster and re-posted it here years ago.

Second, you need to move this over onto your own thread so that people can follow your story and answer the questions as they relate to your personal story.

[alpha99]

I'm sorry, I thought I read earlier Sandi saying she may answer questions about those rules. I understand the rules were taken from the book. I don't always see how they were extracted. Some seem contradictory, at least in this rule format. Maybe that would be a good discussion point. I tried not to personalise my questions. I'm sure if I have had these queries others have too. I post regularly in a more personalised fashion on my own thread should anyone want to follow that.

[kathyw]

I wish I saw this list sooner. In the past month have already broken 1,3,5,6,7,9,10,11,20,30.

I guess the best I can do is to start on the list ASAP.

[sandi2]

Let me try to explain about the list. I did not copy it from anyone. There is no such list in Michele's book. It all started when I was posting to a newcomer LBH and I just started listing things he should and/or should not do. These "rules" are, however, based on Michele's principles. That is what's meant by saying they came from her book. You may not find the exact wording to match the rules, but the principles came from the content of her book. Make sense?

By the bar scene I assume that means going out with the intention to date/pull? How about socialising with new friends/people unknown to WAS. In a relatively small town it is possible to be seen by WAS or their friends whilst out, even if this is in a completely innocent scenario. Any advice on that? Of course you have to get out. Maybe I'm asking also about how to handle any fallout from being seen just being out and about with 'new friends.'

The one about staying away from bars was in the list b/c that particular newcomer had met someone in a bar, and the results caused more complication in his life. I left it in the list b/c of reading posts from vulnerable LBH'S who did not go with intentions of picking up a woman, but was either hit on by a woman, or introduced to a woman, and the flirtation would start (but not necessarily end there). It is just my own opinion about the bars being used as a social atmosphere, due to problems that can easily arise. The man may not be looking for a date, but that doesn't prevent some woman hitting on him.
The bar issue is strictly up to the individual, just as the other 36 are choices.

You say some seem contradictive. Do you mean with what Michele says or the rules in the list?

I will gladly answer questions pertaining to any of the 37 listed, however, I believe it may be less confusing if we don't try to cover too wide a span at one time. Maybe zone in on one question at a time.

[alpha99]

Hi Sandi,

Thanks for your comment.

Personally I don't plan to date or even try and pick up women for the foreseeable future, way post D, should that happen. I was referring to going out GAL, forming new friendships, maybe in a mixed social group, but being seen by S and it being taken the wrong way. Like I said, we have to get out and GAL, it's just that it would seem like that if a W, or one of her friends for example, saw H sat in a bar with a few unknown people (maybe some are the opposite sex) it could be taken the wrong way.

What I meant by being contradictory was this: one rule says to not ask the WAS anything, appear relatively uninterested, but another rule says to focus communication on your W. Now, I understand stopping activities and looking at them, paying full attention when they speak etc, but what I was asking was how to not appear to be pursuing whilst focusing on them in communication. Does that mean asking a general question and then stepping back and letting them roll with it? I wonder because if one asked how was your weekend/day at work/trip/conference etc, it could be seen as pursuit even if the intention was to focus on W rather than yourself.

[sandi2]

8. Do not buy gifts to make "brownie points". (Can't buy his/her love and affection.)

Alpha, make sure you see the entire sentence. If a spouse is trying to score points by buying gifts, then it's a wrong move to make.

I am not sure which rules you may be referencing about being aloof and confusing with focusing on her. Can you give me the number of the rules? It would save time.

[alpha99]

Hi Sandi,

I understand what you're saying about gifts for brownie points. Randomly buying gifts is a form of pursuit and so clearly a bad idea. I guess I was asking what to do when it comes to birthdays, Christmas etc. Do you think it would appear mean or cold hearted not to buy gifts on those occasions if they are bought simply for the occasion, not as a big gesture of love?

With regards to conflict, I think I meant rules 16 and 31. Re-reading 16 makes it clear you're talking about asking (or rather not asking) about whereabouts. I think my question still holds: how to ensure you're not pursuing if you are attempting to focus communication on WAW and not yourself?

[Wonka]

Alpha,

I know that this question is directed to Sandi. I'd like to chime in here to give some perspective.

I think my question still holds: how to ensure you're not pursuing if you are attempting to focus communication on WAW and not yourself?

Asking questions about how their day went, how they are, or anything related to them personally is considered pursuing and your WAW will feel it emanating from your pores.

Communication centers on how you can convey and carry a message across to WAW. Respectful? Cordial? Validating? How you communicate really sets the tone of your interactions with WAW. How you do it is up to you. Want to be a jerk? Then act like one. Want to be upbeat? Then act upbeat.

It's not rocket science.

The problem as I see it around here is that the LBHs try to read waaaay toooo much into what the WAW says or doesn't say. Like trying to read tea leaves. By exhibiting those thought patterns, one does not really deomonsstrate a true detachment. When one's truly detached, then one isn't overly concerned with how or what is being said/done.