Jim, that's the only way or the highway for me. H did text last night: "Is there any chance we can talk on sunday night? And by the way, I need the tax return papers by then."
I did not answer yet, but I will say yes. This time I need to talk to him about the discounts I want in our house price. We set up the market price, but I want to negotiate with him the sale price.
I will give him a choice, if he agrees with what I am proposing him then we close the deal. If not, my L has a court order to get a professional to evaluate the sale price. It will be up to him to decide what he wants.
And, as hard as it can be, I won't continuous the cycle. I got it. Enabling this cycle is not DB at all. So, I will be pleasant, but distant. No hugs, no kisses and most important, no making love anymore.
He must realize I am moving on with my life and there is no more wife, best friend, or whatever for him.
Sometime in may we have a court date to review financial support and determined how much provision he will need to deposit for me and the kids until the D is final. These are temporary orders, the final orders will come when the D is done.
I asked this because it will give me some sense of independence from him. Will start separating my finances from his.
It may feel like I am at the top of the mountain. But the truth is that I feel very hopeless. The only thing that keeps me trying this M, is the fact that some people go through a lot of trouble for a long, long time, and somehow they save their family.
I don't know if it is my case anymore. H is very disconnected from his family. He is totally ignoring the kids and me. The way I see it, he is loving his single life, his new love, his new freedom. We were just rocks in his shoes and now that he got away from us, he can walk again.
It's sad. It hurts to think that someone that was sharing a life with you for 18 years, gave up on everything. We were just garbage for him.
But life goes on, and I need to face it and make the most for my kids and myself. Time does not stop and there is always tomorrow.
I'm pleased to hear you sounding strong and resolute. I'm quite sure your resolve is going to be tested some point soon.
Please don't feel hopeless though. I don't in any way see your H as striding happily away having removed those pesky rocks in the shoe - AKA family. I see him as lost and confused. That's very different indeed - and your sitch is by no means without hope.
Now then, how are you going to clearly state your boundary with H tomorrow when he breaks down, cries and tells you that you're the only woman in the world for him?
xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
H told the kids that he would spend some time with them this weekend. Now it's 4pm on saturday and the boys did text him to se if he would like to go to a movie with them.
H did not answer any of the boys. Did not contact anyone at all. So it is not about me anymore. He is hurting my kids, they are teenagers, that's when you need more support from your parents and he is not there for them in any way or form.
I am prepare to ask H to leave if he start this cheap game of crying and talking about our R. I will be polite and ask him to leave and tell him that we do not need this anymore, that we deserve respect.
It hurts, I know well how much. But it hurts more if I let him to continue this vicious cycle. H is in disregard of our feelings, our lives, and maybe he is sick or maybe it's his flaw character, I don't know which it is, I just know he has no right to use us this way anymore.
Yesterday, I was feeling very good without him here. Somehow things are changing inside me and I am losing the one of the main admiration I had for him... that he was a good father.
My kids and I are surviving and we are bonding together, like the kids say, we are a pack of wolves. Every decision, every meal, every outings we decide on a vote, we discuss what we want as a group. WE ARE A FAMILY!
I wish H could engage in this kind of life with us, but he made his choice and does not want us around anymore. So, it's time to let him go. He needs his freedom and his own life, that is the only thing that matters for him.
I am hopeless thinking that our M is done. I feel it's not only the old M, he is done with us all. In a way, it is feeling better, I know I need to rebuild my life, look for my own road now, together with my kids. I am growing independent again, the way I was when I met him. I know I am a strong, determined person and I like to live.
I know I will be OK without him. I always said that love is forever but does not need to be with only one person. This love is ending, maybe another one will come some time in the future.
I don't know anymore if I can love him the same way. I am losing all respect, tenderness for him. I feel disgusted.
By other hand I feel proud of myself, I am getting back to my roots and I am still the person I always loved. I have been told lately by many people that I look good, that I am another person, that I look very happy.
Maybe, that is what I need, to be far away from this man and have a life I deserve.
But, be sure and reassured that tomorrow, H will get my cold shoulder and if he start the bull, I will ask him to leave for good. No more dependency, I am a big girl, I do not need him.
Hope you are getting yourself some peaceful time honey. I love you with all my heart and I am praying for the best in your life.
Hi Pink. Great to read about you and your boys. They are very fortunate to have a mother like you. Even if you could be strong tomorrow and see how you feel. At this stage your H needs to stop the words and show what he really wants with actions Whatever your H feels about Pink his children deserve much better and your H is not treating them with the respect they deserve
Sending you positive thoughts for tomorrow Pink. You can do this. Pink can do anything she sets her heart on. H is now a good neighbour until H stops being a WAS.
Love is abundance, you can love this WH without wanting to be with him. Trust and love are entirely separate things.
The difficulty is I think you are saying that your WH is losing your respect and trust in the areas you thought he was reliable as a dad. If WH is true to form then he will be saying pity me Pink, I am crying, please go another round of pain, problem is this involves the kids this time.
Hand him a tissue and say nothing then walk away with your dark sunglasses on.
When he is ready to commit to you fully and give up TauC then different matter I suspect.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 04/12/1512:32 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Hi all... I am super busy at work today, have lots of gossip to tell you all about H's visit yesterday. Will post it later.
But, just a quick note... I STOOD STRONG, DID NOT GIVE IN... NO HUGS, NO KISSES AND NOT MAKING LOVE... I did it, I finally stood for myself. I am happy for what I did.
