Those of you who know my sitch know that I have been here since April of 2004, and just about this time of year in 2007 I took the gut blow that we all call "the Bomb Drop" around here, and discovered my wife of then-22 years and the mother of our four children was having an affair.
I'm posting this in Newcomers to let you guys know that while we can't ever guarantee that this is all going to work, THERE IS HOPE, and that thru this forum's support and concepts, and with God's help and a whole lot of hard work . . . it *is* possible to put your marriage back together.
Ours was a hot mess. Years and years of a sex-starved marriage, followed by distance and resentment and then finally Resentment + Entitlement + Neglect + Opportunity = INFIDELITY.
Ugggh.
Well it took us fully two years (and of course a couple is NEVER done truly working at their marriage!), but today, me and the fetching Mrs. Starsky celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary, and this summer when our entire family can be with us we're going to celebrate with the renewing of our wedding vows.
Since that ugly Spring of 2007, we have reconciled and seen the birth of two granddaughters (and another one on the way), celebrated our 25th and now our 30th wedding anniversaries, and many other family milestones that never would have been possible.
Make no mistake . . . to God be the glory. I am nothing short of humbled and amazed by what He was able to do with the total MESS that my wife and I had created, but He healed our marriage and today it is stronger than ever.
It takes work, guys. THERE ARE NO MAGIC SILVER BULLETS. Piecing, particularly, is a long slog and not always fun, but it is SO worth it.
Anyway, I just wanted to share a success story, and give my Lord His proper glory, and encourage you all. And I hope the mods and admins will indulge me with a link (it's just a song video) -- it's perfect for the occasion. If not, just take that link portion down and I'll just leave the lyrics.
When I look into your eyes It's like watching the night sky Or a beautiful sunrise Well, there's so much they hold And just like them old stars I see that you've come so far To be right where you are How old is your soul?
Well, I won't give up on us Even if the skies get rough I'm giving you all my love I'm still looking up
And when you're needing your space To do some navigating I'll be here patiently waiting To see what you find
'Cause even the stars they burn Some even fall to the earth We've got a lot to learn God knows we're worth it No, I won't give up
I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am
I won't give up on us Even if the skies get rough I'm giving you all my love I'm still looking up, I'm still looking up.
Well, I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up) God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved) We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved) God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)
I won't give up on us Even if the skies get rough I'm giving you all my love I'm still looking up
I love success stories! Yours is an inspiring story of persistence. Thanks for still being around all these years later. I've two questions, if you don't mind.
1. Does your W know about DB and these forums? If so, when and how did she learn about them? She knows you're still around here?
2. How come you were here in 2004, three years before BD? You saw it coming?
Thanks!
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Praise be to God for getting you through such a difficult time!!
Me:33 W:34 T:13 M:8.5 D mentioned & S 2/13/15 "We can never get back together" 4/2/15 Visited & Mentioned she hasn't filed 4/20/15 "I want to have cats back" 5/4/15 Served D papers 5/8/15
I love success stories! Yours is an inspiring story of persistence. Thanks for still being around all these years later. I've two questions, if you don't mind.
1. Does your W know about DB and these forums? If so, when and how did she learn about them? She knows you're still around here?
2. How come you were here in 2004, three years before BD? You saw it coming?
Thanks!
Hi Mozz. Yes, my wife knows I post regularly on a marriage support forum. She'll see a post from a FB friend and say "and where do you know him from?" and I'll say "That marriage support site where I post." She knows I come on to "pay it forward," as it were.
I originally posted on the Sex-Starved Marriage forum, and remained there even thru our sitch because that's where I had formed all of my friendships and people knew my background. It was thru us neglecting that part of our marriage -- and my poor response to it . . . and then my wife's poor response to MY response -- that led to the conditions that made her ripe for another man's attention. Many, MANY posters tried to warn me (so you could say that THEY saw it coming), but I ignored their warnings, and then paid the price.
