Good Job!! Remember he is not the man you married. Step back and look at him is he the way he is now the person you would want to spend the rest of your life with? Lots of times I think we get so wrapped up in the memories of what they were and no what they are. Would you marry him as he is now?
Sorry my dearest friends, I am so, so busy that I feel good not being married these days. Work has picked up and I have been putting a few extra hours every day.
Have a lot of extra stuff to do and my social life is pretty busy lately. In between kids, friends, class, work, dancing, gym, etc. there is no time for any H in my life.
So, my crying baby H knocked the door at 4pm - came in, a little hug (friendly), no kisses. He was limping and told me that he hit a tree during the time he was snowboarding. H was looking down, very depressed, he looks older every time I see him.
I asked if he was tired and he said he was not so tired. Then he sat there, looking at me doing my stuff. He asked how I was doing and I said I was doing fine. I asked how he was doing and he said that he does not know much.
So he start with the tears, then I asked him what was going on. He said that it is very difficult. He said that some days are not so bad but some other days are horrible. I waited a little then I asked him why he is so unhappy all the time, that he is doing what he wants, that he is free and no one is bothering him.
He said that he does not know and that is what he is trying to figure it out lately. He said that part of him is confused and part of him feels that he is doing the right thing. That he took my decision and now I need to live with it.
Then I said that would be better if he does not cry anymore, that it is not good for me, for the kids and not even for himself. I said that if coming to the house remind him of such unhappy time in in life and he feels very depressed, that he could leave the tax prep to me and would do it and then he could just leave the house.
The I did not stop and said that if he would prefer I could leave the house and only come back when he was gone, so he wouldn't be reminded of the many years of unhappiness that is written on my front head.
He stood up and said that I was understanding everything wrong and that he did not feel this way at all. That things are very different inside him. That the reason he feels bad is because he miss me, he misses his kids, misses his family, his house. That there is not even a day go by that he does not think about us, about me, then he went to the restroom to cry for awhile. I did not go after him at all.
So, I just stood there, didn't say anything. Didn't even know what to say. He does not want me, but misses me?
Then I left, went to the garage, H was after me. Stood there and start telling me about one of our friend that got divorced about 3 years ago. This guy's wife cheated on him, left him heart broken and now she is back. He still loves her and they start dating, then they decided to go to MC to give it another try.
H told me all this and then asked my opinion about it. I said that it's nice they are giving another opportunity. H said that our friend's heart was really broken when the W had the affair and left and it will take a lot of work to heal the R, and then asked me what I think about. I said that people change, things happen and we are forced to change. We lose our innocence and some things will be there, just that, we learn.
Got back inside the house and said to H that while he was doing the taxes that I would go to the supermarket to get some propane, H started helping me and came to the door. I asked if he was going to the super and he said that if I did not have any issue against it that he would like.
We went and he was ho helpful the entire time. It was the H I wanted my whole marriage, it was so nice. But I kept my cool.
Back home and he helped with the groceries. We were putting things away and he tried to hug me. I said no and did a few steps back, he tried again and I said no, not for us anymore. You have people to hug, you won't hug me. He said OK, you know I will always respect you.
Then he finally started doing taxes. Calling me to check on some things. Always saying "You can came here and see". I said that it was OK, I knew he was doing it right, and that it would be OK. I did not want to get close to him in any way, so I avoided any paper checking.
I made dinner, called everyone including him, we had dinner together and he was quiet, he thanked me for dinner and said that the food was amazing delicious as always. He then sat on the cough and start observing us, talking, laughing, the boys were telling about the movie they watched on saturday. He was there, looking at us, the outsider.
The kids helped to clean up and left. H finished the taxes. He was still down. I said to him that next time he came to the house that he can maybe try a smile for a change. He said that he is not always so sad, that sometimes he is OK. Then he said: I don't know, I have a person that I care in one country and my kids here.
So, great, I heard that. And that is when you just realize that it is all about him, OW and maybe the kids. Not me, not at all me.
I got a cup of coffee and went outside, then in two minutes H was there. He start saying that he has a few friends and that they do not understand him very well. That sometimes he catch himself wondering, looking at the walls. Then he said: You understand what I mean. You understand me. He said it is difficult for him to know what is going on with him and that he just stare at walls.
I said to him that maybe he needs to get some help. That I did for myself and I am feeling better. That I start understanding a lot of things on myself. That I felt like going back and being myself again, that I lost my identity and that I am becoming the person I was long ago. That I am a strong person, I love myself and I don't take crap from no one. He said that it is. That's who I was and I was not being myself for a long time.
It was getting late, almost midnight. He start getting ready to leave because he was going to Texas the next morning. I asked him then, if he could spend some time with the kids, because he has been very absent. That I was looking forward for some time on my own and asked if he could stay with the kids next weekend and he said yes. I told him I will leave saturday and come back on sunday and he said I do not need to do that. That I can come back around midnight and he can leave or sleep on the cough. I said no, I will just go and spend some time with my friends, he insisted I could come back earlier and then I did not say more.
So, I don't know, H won't commit to anything. He is in a R with his OW and enjoying it. He is just breaking away from many years in a M, that all. I still feel he loves me. The way he looks at me, the way he treats me and talk to me. But he doesn't want to be with me. He is there, if the opportunity presents itself, then he will be there, but he is not trying.
I just wish to detach and don't feel anything for him anymore. I am tired of this pain. It's hard that now he treats me the way it always should be in the first place. Now, that he has someone else in his life.
Hi Pink. I think you have said it In your last paragraph. While he is with OW you have to carry on and go back to being the passionate , fun loving , caring , dancing , Pink that any man would love to have in their life. You and your boys have had to deal with a massive upset in your lives but you are dealing with it. Life will go on and Pink will live that life to the full
Your H seems to be in the affair fog big time but you showed great strength with how you dealt with H Carry on like this Pink and H will stsrt to realise that he could lose Pink for good and that might clear the fog for him
I'm really pleased for you , you showed great strength and courage. Well done Pink
