You are very lucky to get so much attention from 25, she is amazing and did it all.
She is giving you very good advice, she made the mistakes we all do when we start on this road and she made it right for herself.
So, I can say I am very proud of you... for listening to people that have been there, for trying hard to follow some of the advices the vets are giving you, and follow some you are learning on the DB books.
No one here will ever say that you just do it. Everyone here knows how hard it is, how painful it is to go through the S, D, dealing with kids and all our emotional turmoil.
But one thing you will always hear... the encouragement to become a better person with or without your H, to improve yourself, to treat yourself with gentleness and respect.
It seems you are doing it already. Don't worry if you have good days and everything you planned happen and then you have a bad day and it feels you went backwards. Don't punish yourself, it is just normal. It's time that make it easier, it's time that gives you new perspectives, it's time that makes you see the situation a little more clear.
Keep posting... sharing is a powerful weapon against feeling defeated, hopeless. We will always help each other.
Hi pink. I'm so great full for all of you helping me. I don't know how I where I would be if it wasn't for you all and the friends who have been supporting me.
Last edited by depress; 04/13/1505:17 AM.
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
This week has been so crazy. I don't know what happened and how he realized that he needs to be home and not fathering someone else's kid and not being a husband to someone else. He told me this week he's ready to come home and work on our marriage. He has been crying and praying for this big mess to be over. He says he misses the kids and me. He was in a dark place but he's almost ready to come home. He says he just needs more time to completely be free of the ow. He says that she's not the one for him and he doesn't want the kid to think of him as his dad. I have so much to say I just don't know if I should write it all. But the short version is he's says he wants to come home. He's changed her name from his phone to her name and not baby anymore. He has been showing me the messages she sends which before he didn't. So much going on.
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Hi Depress, I'm pleased to hear that things may be turning with your sitch. My advice would be to be very clear about the terms on which this can happen. What are your deal breakers here? Normally, people suggest:
NC with OW (this includes a NC letter) Full transparency MC if that's what you want
What rings alarm bells with me is 'he just needs more time to be completely free of the OW.' If that means seeing her, that's a big no IMHO. If he wants to be free of her and home again, his actions (NC) need to reinforce that.
Please don't make coming home too easy for him. If he wants to be back with you and his family, there is some heavy lifting for him to do here.
It's good that he misses you all, and feels almost ready to be home though....pleased for you.
T :-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
He's playing this emotional roller coaster with me. Today he's been so off. I thought he was wanted to come home now he's saying he doesn't know what he wants. Is this normal? Everything he told me the last three days seems like he was lying. What now?
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
"I thought he was wanted to come home now he's saying he doesn't know what he wants. Is this normal?"
Yes.
"Everything he told me the last three days seems like he was lying. "
No he wasn't lying, but you have to understand that when people go into the beginning stages of "potentially" reconciling, the WAS will go through several false starts. They will say one thing, one day and then the opposite the next.
That's why they say to believe none of what they SAY and only HALF of what they DO.
You have to be strong enough to weather through the BS that you're going to have to face.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Depress, don't jump the gun. That is a positive but that doesn't mean it is ok for you to stop working on you. You should still be using the Sandi's rules as a guideline and listen to the advice others are giving you, especially the vets. You have a long haul with lots of work to do if he truly does want to come home. Your situation reminds me a little of TO34s, if you haven't read her threads you should.
(())
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
