No, you did not NH. I do still think it would be good for you to get away for a few days. Why not coral the guys and have a guy's weekend?! You do need it for your own sanity.
Good and strong marriages can withstand a few days apart. Hey, Ms. Wonka and I were apart for 5 days when she went away for a specialized training. We survived it.
If she knows you are going on a guys weekend, she'll think you are being a jerk for doing it while she's getting over her surgery. IMO, she needs to believe she's pushed you too far. She should know no details. And tell her not to contact you unless it's an emergency.
It is important that you get some leverage in this R, b/c she has continued to play the same old song & dance much too long. It's time to put a screeching halt to it (if you haven't waited too long). That is why you don't tell her any more than you are leaving for a few days, maybe longer. Her questions should be answered with you saying, "IDK".
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I'll cop to that. I'm afraid of breaking up my family for temporary reasons, and I'm afraid of spending the rest of my life with the wrong person, and neither one of us are happy.
Fear is just a reminder that what you're about to do is important. So don't let fear cripple you - everything you want is on the other side of it.
And my goodness, if you're going to go down, don't go down cowering, go down swinging.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Calibri & PM... I just read this fear quote. This is a great quote and this spoke to me. I was just racing a kayak and asked a veteran for advice. He stated... Don't hold back go down paddling with a smile on your face.
NH... You got some good quotes. Sorry for the short hijack. How are you doing? What is the latest?
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
I flubbed the temp separation. As positive as things have been around here, it would be strange for me to just up and announce that I was leaving for a few days.
We had our first MC session in a few weeks yesterday. The C was very encouraged by what she saw. This morning W told me she felt closer to me, like we were reconnecting. I still don't feel it yet on my end, but I'm slowing down to give things time. After all, it's what I asked for from her.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Glad to see you post. I have been wondering about you and how things were going. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Sometimes things seem slow but they're fast and vice versa. There's no rhyme or reason to this process at times. Keep going and I am glad that your W is starting to see things a bit more clearer.
You cannot depend on W for your own happiness. For many happily married people, there's a balance between pursuing their own interests and having shared interests. I still think it would be good for you to get away for a while with the boys or whatnot.
NH, During this period of time are you doing anything for yourself? GAL'ing? Or are you totally consumed with the current situation?
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
