Went dark today when husband was trying to engage in an upbeat conversation with me. He asked if I was ok and what was wrong. I said I was fine. Left to go to gym. Then I got home also went dark and answered him with one word and went upstairs with kids to watch a movie. Leaving him alone downstairs. He left just now and didn't tell me where he was going or when he would be back. I want nothing more than act normal with him and be pleasent but I am trying this technique and LR. Did I do something wrong? Can this change push him away?
Update, he got really upset at me today and said I have been inconsiderate and not clear about where I have been going and not taking into consideration his time and his plans. He was angry at me and said it has been inconvenient for him as I'm vague about when I will be home etc. I stayed calm and told him I wasn't aware that he was feeling this way and that I would be more mindful in the future of this. I walked away and he came back in the room I was in and apologized and said he overreacted and that he's still angry and probably needs counselling for himself. I listened and said that it sounds like a good idea and then he hugged me anaaaaannnd.... kissed me on the lips! I smiled and said goodbye to my kids as I have a coffee date with a girlfriend. And left. He followed me to the door and said bye....is this progress???
HMC - i can kind of relate to you. The more I go dark and back off the more he becomes available. He is available but still distant. I feel like I want to whole heartedly respond to his attempts to be kind, but I know this will backfire. Sometimes I think who cares. I should open myself up to vulnerability and see wheat happens. But I continue to listen to the advice of this group. I am 1 1/2 weeks of dark. He went away for the weekend, so that was easy. He has been asking me how I am, if I am ok, etc. alot. I just respond "i'm fine". Even asked if I wanted to talk once. I said "no". So he continues to go along every day as if all is ok. Cold but his normal routine of coming and going when he chooses.
I am one of those people caught in the challenge. I did pull back emotionally and intimacy so it would be more of the same. I am trying to find a middle ground. I try to steer clear of anything personal etc. I am working on the GAL. But when he does talk to me about those daily work and kid things I am far more present which is also different.
The downside is that I feel like i am learning to compartmentalize which is not good. And of course the energy this takes is exhausting. Patience is not one of my things.
BD Sept 9 2017 Age 54 H53 m 18 years 4 kids blended and adopted all grown OW still on scene
