Hey Pink - I'm so sorry you haven't been well. That sounds like a horrid bug, and do give yourself a little time to recover. Sometimes GAL just has to go by the by and you need to give yourself some TLC. I hope those boys are looking after you well.
Really pleased for you on the work front - own patients....great!! It's nice that when one aspect of our lives is difficult, there are other aspects where we are moving forward and can enjoy the challenge and achievement.
Thanks for your comments on my thread too. I'm just mulling things over right now. Take care of yourself, and I hope you feel 120% better soon and can go dancing again!!
xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Feeling better today. Almost a 100%. Have a busy week ahead. Not much of GAL but lots of things going on w/my kids. End of school year, finals, spring and all the yard work, getting the kids to see an IC, my own IC apt this Wednesday.
Have to get the equipment to record my kids songs. I have an old friend that have his own band. We have been in contact and once we record my kid's songs, he will check on it and if the material is good he will help him to get a meeting w/an studio. S17 writes his own songs and they are really nice. I still don't understand how a kid 17 years old can write about things and feeling that he never experienced. Well, I thing God gave him the talent, so I need to help and encourage him.
Also, S17 made his decision about college, he is going for music! He is now with a 4.1GPA so very promising. We need to start on job hunting this week, driving lessons with crazy driver "mom" (promise I will tell him all what not to do). And then, summer time will be visiting some colleges too.
Ah, can't forget the whole craziness about submitting for scholarships and volunteer jobs.
S21 is having a hard time getting his business running well. We will see where it goes, but I do not have much hope on that. I think he will get demotivated and will look for something else soon. We will see.
H was absent all week, I really don't know where he was. He told me he would be in Argentina, but there is no trace on airplane tickets or hotels. He called the kids (they did not answer him) last night from Buenos Aires and today he is going to Montevideo/Uruguai. On Wednesday night he gets to Brasil, and is going to where my family lives. Not sure, but I think he will visit my mom again since he will be there during a holiday.
About me, I don't know what to think anymore. So, I think I will get as busy as I can, think about RD and smile, move forward and let the Universe and God be my guidance during this time.
Can't change anything, can't do anything and can't control anything. Getting used to my freedom, getting demotivated about any reconciliation. Lately I just feel I need to step up on my career, I want to feel important for myself again.
Hi Pink. Glad to hear your better. Great news about the recording , we might get to listen to them on the radio one day. !!! Also good news about your work.
About what your thinking re your H , I think you have a long road to travel yet He will realise at some point that he is losing his family and then he will have to face up to his sitch. If your still waiting for him or not that's something only time will tell for you. Im sure we all go through ups and downs when thinking of reconciling Time is all that will help you decide.
Hi RD - I feel better but I am really tired lately. I guess a bit of disappointment with H, kind of put me down.
I think about R and what it would look like if we get back together. I am afraid, really scared that I may not be able to let go all the hurt in my heart.
H is gone for the second week and during this time just texted me once and it was just asking me a favor to pay for something. He tried to contact the kids on last Sunday night, the kids did not answer his call and he did not leave a message for them.
So, totally absent. He does not care about us at all. I even think that it is OK that he does not care about me. But his kids!!!! He is not divorcing his kids and yet he does not care about them as well.
He is just a guy that has no respect, no values, I don't know why I waste my time feeling anything for this idiot.
I am really mad with him. I am getting to the conclusion that I am better off alone.
Hi RD - I feel better but I am really tired lately. I guess a bit of disappointment with H, kind of put me down.
Hi Pink,
Aren't Toots and RD amazing? You may may so tired because you are getting over an illness, Or, it could be all the stress you are under. In someone else's thread (maybe even my own) I posted this about lack of energy:
Ideally, the amount of energy you expend each day is equally balanced across the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual aspects of your life. But during and after a separation or divorce, your energy distribution is much different. As much as 85 percent of your energy can be diverted to dealing with the emotional upheaval, leaving only 15 percent to deal with all your physical, mental, and spiritual demands.
They were notes I took from a D Support Group I attend. What you are feeling sounds very normal to me.
Hang tough!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Hi lovely Pink. I can hear you sounding pretty unhappy with your H. And I can truly understand that. I feel much of what you posted there. Our sitches have many similarities don't they? But, I would encourage you to remember that if he is in MLC, he isn't well and he isn't himself at all at the moment. It certainly helps me to think this way.
I hear what you say about his absence. But I would be very surprised if he doesn't care at all about his family. If he didn't leave a message for the kids, he may well have been thinking - no-one picks up on me. They don't miss me or want me. MLC is characterised by the depression and self pity I think.
Have you read Men in Midlife Crisis by Jim Conway? I found it pretty helpful, and it did help me feel a bit better about some of the awful aspects of it all. Even Jim Conway told his W that he didn't think they should ever have married and it was a big mistake. He wasn't unfaithful like many men in MLC though.
I don't know if any of this helps, and I do understand how you are feeling. You may also not yet be 100% better yet after your illness. On another note, I just had a chat with our old neighbour, and she told me that five couples on our road (including us) have S in the last 12 months. I know three of them (not that well, but to say Hi and have a little chat with.) They are all a similar age to us and with kids - sad....
Take care lovely Pink xx
Last edited by Toots; 04/29/1507:37 PM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Toots has some wonderful points. On a sidenote, it seems to me that marriage troubles are on the rise. I don't have any stats to prove it, but it sure is sad.
As Toots mentioned, there could be a number of reasons for your H's absence. Try not to dwell on H so much right now. I know...easier said than done. Please take care of yourself as best you can.
(((((Pink)))))) and (((((Toots)))))
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. I think i read somewhere that tiredness weakens the immune system and so its easy to see how it can all build up, so take care of yourself.
It seems awful that your H isnt contacting his/your kids but there are so many reasons why this might be the case and as stupid as it seems to you (and us) it might make perfect sense to your H. Toots' post about MLCs may well be spot on. It might be worth having a read around some of the MLC pages to see if there is anything there that helps you.
Originally Posted By: Pink17
He is just a guy that has no respect, no values, I don't know why I waste my time feeling anything for this idiot.
Because you love him.......
its no more complex than that and no rationalisation of it is going to change that. You'll always love him, he's the father of your children and you've been together for too long for that not to be true.
What you have to decide is when he has gone too far for you to want to let him have the kind of intimate relationship with you that you used to have.
You cant control how you feel about him but you can decide whether you will 'waste' any more time worrying about his mess and letting his issues disrupt your life
From what I read Pink is amazing and feisty and strong. Your H knows what he is losing, its whether he believes it yet and whether he can pull himself out of the whole he dug.
(((Pink)))
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Hi Pink. Just to echo Jim , Toots and Bob. Sorry your down and as Jim says your H may have a good ( to him ) reason why he doesn't call. He does sound very confused to me Give Pink time to process and please know that you will be happy again You have to much spirt to be kept down by any thing or anybody
Positive thoughts Pink , your a special lady going through a horrible time , the horrible part will pass but the special lady will always be there. Take care. Rd
Bob - I guess you are right, you make perfect sense. It is all so unclear right now. It is getting to me since I like to resolve stuff.
I called to get an appointment for a blood test. In the past, once going through some stress (like in college), my sugar level was very low and I was always tired and dizzy. Recently I took a Vitamin D supplement (8000 per pill) to make up for my deficiency. For some reason my body uses it all.
Toots - it is hard, isn't it? If at least we could just ignore it for some time and then in some given day look at it again and then try to resolve it. I am trying my best, I guess when H is too far for too long, I go back into my fear, insecurities and disillusions.
Jim - You are right on... "Because you love the fool" Yes, I still love that dog and want to break his nose with a big punch. I have all the reasons to just forget him, and yet here I am, missing him.
And you are right again... who knows what is going on in his head and in his heart. Last time we talked, he said that he thinks about us, his family every single day. That there is not one day that goes by that he does not think a lot about his sitch.
He even said that he has been thinking about our M, about us and what direction he must go from now on, and then said that he is very confused right now.
So, I guess I need to wait and see what happens and try to make the most of my own life.
We will be better tomorrow. Did you guys see the movie Frida? The story of a Mexican painter. I am Frida with a lot of pain.
Thanks you all for your kind words, it makes a big difference to have someone to share the bad days (and good ones too).
