You have to GAL! It will take your mind off of your sitch for a bit which then gives you a clearer mind. Trust me, it helps. If you read through my sitch you will see that I have a hard time detaching too. It can be done though, even through backslides.
I'm rooting for you!
Swipe,
I second Eirinn's posting!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
seems like love and anger are in a constant battle with one another in my head, I am not believing how people can just get that cold hearted toward someone, next few days it's gonna be absolutely no contact unless about the kids or she text or calls me 1st. I do believe that I've not given her the opportunity to miss me or even be curious about what I'm up to. So I believe no contact for the next few days may make things a little mysterious for her because she is so used to hearing from me a lot during the day and wishing her well all the time.
Why do they push and push till you wanna just give up? Do they think they win if you throw in the towel? When do you know to end the fight?
Cause they are ruled by emotions and not logic. Read up on depression after you finish DR/DB.
I think you end when you are completely detached and can do it from a point where you make a logical decision that it is best for you to keep moving forward. Anytime before that is too soon, and will likely fail and backfire.
You need to be healed and whole before making this decision, standing is first for YOU, not to win back the WAS/MLC'er
Thanks cadet that was exactly what I needed to hear, I've decided to truly live up to the 180s and put my focus primarily on my kids an I, At first I was thinking to myself that I'm the one that caused all this and I have owned up to half of it marriage is 50/50 so I'm taking my 50% of the blame. No more persuing, I told myself that before I made any radical decision that I needed to find my self again and make sure that I'm happy and healthier than ever, but than I relized I don't need to find myself I'm already here, what I need to do is be Who I want to be for the kids and myself. Maybe once I figure the big things out all the small ones will fall into place.
Out of the blue today w says she wants to rebuild that emotional bond and friendship that we once had and try getting along more and than we can go from there as to which way well have to decide that when the times comes, she said she's not going no where and has no intentions of seeing anyone else until we find each other and figure this out. What am I to do now all this sounds great as I keep playing it over in my head that maybe we can do all that while we also focus on ourselfs than when the time comes I'll know what direction to take. Any ideas or suggestions to this?
What have you done to work on yourself since this began? What have you changed about your own behavior/actions in the marriage? The problem is something was "broken" in your M which led up to all of this. Unless you have identified and worked on where you came up short, you will not be any different in your M and will end up in the same place you are now in just a short while.
I am not discouraging you. It is great she seems to want to work on it. That is a big big step. I will defer any advice to others who have been down this path. I just want you to remember that you need to continue to work on you
Good luck!
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
Honestly I'm still an emotional roller coaster and I feel that I still need to work on my self before I can be in any type of relationship right now. I do believe that if we were to start back up tomorrow nothing would really be any different than it was because it hasent been enough time to fix what's broken and it can't just be swept under a rug. She is the was not me but I have to be the one to better myself so she would be an idiot to try and leave.
