I was actually going to reply "Wow, sounds like a nice date." but realized it sounded sarcastic and bitchy so I said nothing instead.
Zues, just thinking about your idea makes me so much happier. You've given me something to chuckle at next time he sends me his date reviews. Thank you!!
I would just not read the reviews. Let him send links, just delete the link before you are even tempted to read it. He is wanting a reaction from you. He wants you to know he is dating or on dates. Why? Who knows, and who cares. Bottom line is you know the game he is playing, so just chose not to play.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
I say make a game of it yourself. Respond like "Thank you, I was looking for a new place to try this weekend and couldn't find something with the right atmosphere, great find!"
Or maybe "Wow, amazing place, I hoped you were thanked for dinner! ;)" Wonder what that would do to him
I could think of others. I agree with pilot, who cares...it just so happens I might play around with this if I didn't care and wasn't in an R with anyone else. In fact, the second reply is really cool because it is kind of teasing, suggestive, and maybe even showcases a different side of you (not sure), yet doesn't have any hint of pursuing as it implies you're totally cool with the idea of him meeting his needs elsewhere...devious, devious...
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Oh boy can I relate...I would love to have more butterflies when it comes to dating. My last date was nice looking but had a trunk of baggage and was not at all comfortable with himself. I would rather be alone than settle or care take.
Tonight I had an amazing night for Mother's Day. My kiddos bought me flowers, chocolates and took me for dinner. My step daughter came for dinner and her Dad sent me chocolates...funny since he always forgot when we were together. He picked her up and stayed a while...ate our leftovers....then hugged me goodbye. I looked damn good too. Lol
Keep your chin up girly..lee will get through this.
Big Hugs
K.
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
Thanks for the update, Lisa. So...you've started dating. Good for you.
The foodie blog posts crack me up actually. I mean, I guess he's sending them to you because you guys used to enjoy doing that and he's trying to be friendly? Or maybe he's trying to get a rise out of you? Who knows. Either how kooky that he thinks it's ok to do that when he's on a date?! Imagine the date finding out that he's chronicling the occasion and sending it to his ex to read. Geez! I would find that really wierd.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Hi friends! Love the suggestions haha! Indeed gan I agree, what does his little girlfriend think when he tells her how he's sharing his reviews of his dates with me? She either very stupidly doesn't let it bother her or is completely annoyed. No matter what the reason he's sharing with me I think it should bother Her. But that's not my problem.
I think sometimes not responding to him at all annoys him more than any clever reply I can come up with. Any hint of irritation from me seems to encourage him. So mostly I say nothing.
I've been trying to get out there and meet guys and date. Honestly I wish there was a forum as wonderful as this one to give me support and feedback about how to date! It's so difficult!!! I'm so uncertain about how much interest to show, how to decide if I like someone or not, how assertive to be...if I even am ready to date yet...its a jungle out there! I'm very cautious about opening up but at the same time I'm worried about being too aggressive.
Good news is that I've met a lot of interesting men lately, bad news is that I don't know how to handle it. I Seem to have lost my ability to be natural and not second guess everything. I think it's a side effect of being hurt. Every time a man shows interest there is a little voice in my head saying well,,,, when he realizes how ugly/awful/boring/pathetic you are he'll run away. I realize that sounds terrible but it's what is happening in my head. I've developed insecurity. Anyone else experiencing this?
Hope everyone is doing fabulous! Thanks for checking in with me!
Yes, Lisa! Even though I'm not really trying to date just yet I think this will be an issue for me, too. Case in point - look at my post just now!
I think what you are describing is what it feels like to be vulnerable - to open yourself to rejection. That's bound to be tough right now because we've just dealt with/are dealing with mega-rejection. I think things have a way of working out though, so in time I bet the right guy will come along and make you feel ok about being the natural you...and those little voices will become barely audible.
Hang in there, LisaA!
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Hi friends! It's around the one year mark where things started to fall apart for me and my H. I'm happy to say I am doing ok. However there are a few things that continue to bother me. Maybe you can help?
OW. He left me for his sexy coworker. She was a friend of mine. I cannot seem to get over it.
I'm still angry with him for comparing me to her and finding her "better". I'm angry that he left what he described as a happy life with me for an uncertain future with her. I try to understand that he was infatuated, and his brain wasn't functioning normally. I try to let it go.
I'm still extremely angry at her. She was my friend. She flirted with my husband in front of my face. I let it go because I trusted them. She stole him from me on purpose to satisfy her ego, not because she actually really liked him. I think that might be what bothers me the most. They didn't fall in love, HE did. She was just using him, manipulating him. As soon as he left me, they had a brief tryst and then she lost interest. She hurt me and then she hurt him - for no reason.
And yet to top it all off, they are still good friends! How can he not see what she did, what kind of person she is?
I'm reminded of her often. I'll hear her common trashy name, I'll see someone who resembles her walk by, and I'm angry. I dream of revenge and I want her to suffer.
I don't want to think about her. But it just pops up.
The other day I imagined running into her and what I would say. The funny thing is, I would actually thank her for what she did. She saved me from a mediocre relationship that was probably headed nowhere. My life is so much more interesting and fulfilling now. I've made myself a better person than I was a year ago. But the way it all happened leaves me angry. Her role in it makes me angry.
Does anyone have advice for how to let it go? I don't dwell on it, but I don't want it to pop into my head. I have seen her around town and we have many friends in common. I will see her again. I don't want to show anger. I don't want to feel anger.
Will time be the only thing that heals?
One thing I have found that helps me a bit is to remember the ways I have hurt people in the past with my own stupid behavior. I didn't mean to hurt them, I was just being selfish and not thinking about the feelings of others. When I realize that I too have hurt people intentionally or unintentionally, it helps me to have compassion for her. Maybe someday she too will regret what she has done.
Does anyone have advice on the magic of "forgive and forget"?
I'm relatively new on here but wanted to express my sorrow for what you've had to go through. That's a double betrayal which has to have a lot more sting in it - so my heart goes out to to you truly.
My only advice for "forgive and forget" is to get violently protective of both your presence and your sense of joy. Both your H and his OW have shown the world their hands. They've shown their lack of respect and integrity for themselves and for you. That's on them and maybe they will wake up one day and realize that they've erred in the worst possible way. You get to decide what you think about though.
Stay present. Whenever you think of her, think on how fulfilling your life is now. It's just like you said, she was the catalyst of your new life. As hard as it was, it happened and there are benefits. Focus on those benefits, list them out loud if you have to.
There's a great TED talk on alcoholism where the speaker talks about getting "the phone call" from her fiancé in which he leaves her forever, never to see her again. Her son made her list out the positives and negatives of what came of that action. Her negative side of the list had "I lost a guy". The positive side of the list was filled with stronger family bonds, more experiences and a whole host of things to be grateful for (I'm not doing this justice). I've made the same list and although some days it doesn't do much to alleviate the pain of loss, it's hard to argue with the tangibles of it.
My W left me and I got sober. Losing her is a hell of a pill to swallow, but every time I get upset with her for leaving, I think, "She didn't do this to you. She did this for herself and you turned it into the inspiration for the greatest change of your life. Focus on that instead of her."
Again, my heart goes out to you. I won't wish ill towards your H and the OW, but wish nothing but the best that life has to offer for you.
Hug back, PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
