one more thing......during our discussion last night W stated that "i will have an easier time finding someone else, than she will." I told her that Im not even thinking of that at this point and that it doesnt matter to me. W said it two separate times during our discussion. What do you vets think about that statement?
Please place no stock in these type of statements from her. She is baiting you. She wanted to check your emotional status and get the assurance she still has you attached. You assured her the last thing you were considering was finding someone else. Of course, if she were a "normal" W, this would be what you should tell her. But she's not. She is a WAW, and I think she's playing games with you.
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I don't know if W is happy to be moving on or she is happy that i am changing.
Too soon to tell if she's happy about your changes. Usually, it makes a WAW mad that it took her leaving for him to finally change. If there really is no waywardness in her heart, she may be glad about your improvements, but I think she's keeping something covered up. Time will tell.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Back Sandi up here (when are you going to visit NDY, me and Pyrite - we miss you!) my W has used that line on me. When I asked if she was going to try and get somebody else, I couldn't ask personal questions. Then she asked me and I told her I would; her face could have started a riot in a nunnery. It was if I'd told her the world was going to end.
Welcome to the rollercoaster from hell. Buckle up. Spew will come at you from all angles. Enjoy your ride.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Sandi2 W did bait me. I wish i would've seen it coming, but now I know. Thanks, Sandi2! In regards to her happiness, I think you are right. She is hiding something and i have a this gut feeling that she is talking to OM. I try to not think about it too much because i know i have no control over what W does or who she sees. So i really try not to think about it at all in order to keep me from trying to figure out what's going on in W's mind. Ugh, now my mind is racing. STOP SIGN! i have to just keep focusing on myself and continue to improve how i am and how i think about things. Continuing to GAL. Going to adventure city tomorrow with S2 and my brother and his S3. looking forward to another fun day! Thanks again, Sandi2!
Huddy, i dont know if i am ready for the ride,but i will hang on!
Me-35 W-34 Married 6/2011 T-6 years S-2 BD-3/22/2015
In the end, I keep thinking to myself how all of my actions and words over the past 3 1/2 years have pushed my W away and maybe to OM. I truly accept a lot of responsibility for my W getting to this point. I really wasn't there for her when i was depressed after my Mom passed away. I wasn't there at all. I stayed on the couch most weekends, and i was never there for her emotionally or physically. Over these past few weeks, i have realized a lot and i hope that i can show W through my actions that its not worth it to give up on our M. I hope we can fall in love again!
Me-35 W-34 Married 6/2011 T-6 years S-2 BD-3/22/2015
Had an ok weekend. Took S2 to Adventure City with his cousin and Uncle. Our house is painted and ready to sell. We are putting the house up for sale this friday.
Yesterday, W and i were talking about my Auntie who is very sick. She was telling me how my cousin's wife will be learning how to cook the traditional food for our family on special occasions, and i mentioned that maybe i might find someone who will help her do the cooking. W gave me a dirty look and two minutes later she told me she was going outside to make a phone call. She went all the way across the street to talk, which she has never done. Later that night i see a new event that she put on our calendar which is a birthday of a male co-worker. I know this co worker is recently divorced and he works in the same department as W. What should i do? I know i shouldn't let it bother me, but it does and i dont know how to handle it if she is talking to OM.
Me-35 W-34 Married 6/2011 T-6 years S-2 BD-3/22/2015
If there is an OM .. and thats an IF from what I can tell ... anything you do will only add fuel to the fire, you just proved as much by even mentioning someone 'possibly' helping cook , that in return gave your W the 'ok' to be a bit more brandish about the possiblity of her exploring 'others' or a replacement for you. Do not play that game.
As far as OM's are concerned .... I was giving this some thought over the weekend ... I too had issues with this area, still do ... I think us guys focus so much more on the OM as a threat to our M that we fail to look at the big picture ... sure if OM were gone our M would be all daiseys and rainbows right?? NO ... the fact we allowed the M to get to a level the W might go that way is the bigger issue, we failed to meet her needs so she went elsewhere to have them met, and while she is with a OM those needs are being met by another ... thats what kills, being replaced, but nothing we can do at this point about that other than working on ourselves to be a man who could meet those needs if the WAW chooses to return, these changes take time, longer still for the WAW to believe they are real and will stick.
Take my advice .. do not waste the energy on the OM, you will only make her want that more .. .instead turn that energy inward and work on you. I know its hard ... trust me ... but its the only way.
Thank you so much CaliGuy! I understand what you mean by adding fuel to the fire. I will not say those types of things to W.
In regards to OM (if there is one), I see what you mean about the big picture. In the end, it falls on me and i really can just focus on myself and improving my life. I know my actions brought W to this point of wanting to find OM, but it does kill inside. The thought of it is painful, but i need to look at myself. Thanks again, CaliGuy for the advice!
Me-35 W-34 Married 6/2011 T-6 years S-2 BD-3/22/2015
its been almost 2 months since W BD. I feel good on some days, but today i feel as if im not making progress. W and I will talk to each other about S2, but we don't interact much other than that. W and I go to separate rooms once S2 goes to bed. W is online or texting on her phone throughout the night. I try to stay away from her, but its hard when she is downstairs all the time. W will be very cold one minute, and then the next minute she will tell me something nice about S2 or our dog.
I dont know what to think anymore. I know i have to be patient and just focus on myself. I wake up a lot during the night and its hard to go back to sleep when i start thinking about our sitch.
I also noticed that W put a co-worker's birthday on our calendar. Im not sure if he is OM, but i have a little feeling inside that he is. I saw some weight loss pills on the counter that W is taking and she has been very conscious about her weight lately. I know, i should let what W does affect me, but its hard.
W also told me this weekend that she is now going to move out of our house in June and i will stay until it is sold. W will be going to her mom's. This is her 3rd time changing her mind on this issue.
As far as my progress, i have been GAL a little bit, but not as much as id like. I workout 3 times a week. I hang out with friends on Thursdays and sometimes Fridays. I usually take S2 to the park or some event on saturdays with his cousin and uncle. I journal everyday and i meditate. I find that meditating is very beneficial to how i think and how i feel, so i really want to improve on my meditating.
Oh and W will be going out of town somewhere with someone. I asked her where she was going and she said it was none of my business. She just stated that S2 will be with me that weekend and she will be gone. Should I even are where she is going? I think i should at least know where she is at in case something happens?
Me-35 W-34 Married 6/2011 T-6 years S-2 BD-3/22/2015
