Regarding the ache in stomach...mine went away last week when I started to emotionally detached and started to feel some anger about what he is doing. While holding on to anger is not great, it has helped emotional detach. I just have to balance it with empathy and compassion so that is what shows when we interact.
Last edited by BW05; 05/07/1512:34 AM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Thanks Sherman 33. I know it will take time. I have been in the fight mode two weeks ago. Soooo angry. I have calmed down since then. I asked H today if he wasn't doing anything did he want to catch up for coffee? He said yes. Not sure what we will talk about but maybe I should validate that I heard he had a rough time at work on Monday and perhaps say I understand how difficult it is for him living downstairs but thankful he is there. Is that ok???
Me: 39 yrs H:45 yrs M:14 years T:18 years D:10 D:6 BD: 13/04/15 S: in progress
When he told me he wanted to separate he asked if he could stay in the MBR. He said he could sleep on the floor. He didn't it was the worst night of my life. He has refrain from holding hands or giving me a hug. He told me he had lost the right to do that. In the first few weeks it was me who would initiate the holding hands, I gave him a kiss, a hug. I realised doing these actions made it difficult for me to emotionally detach, so I have stopped. He told me he would gladly hold my hand if it made it "easier".
Last edited by EMO1234; 05/07/1512:53 AM.
Me: 39 yrs H:45 yrs M:14 years T:18 years D:10 D:6 BD: 13/04/15 S: in progress
Also I am not going to remind him about making another appointment with the separation counselor. He can make the next call on that. Its just moving too fast. ..
Me: 39 yrs H:45 yrs M:14 years T:18 years D:10 D:6 BD: 13/04/15 S: in progress
So I had coffee with my H. It didn't start well. He started to talk about how the different options with regard to settlement. I explained that for both of us we should try and just let all the emotion subside before we leap into settlement. He didn't seem to hear what I was saying because he then said another option was for him to buy me out. I said is this what you've decided? He said no he was throwing in the mix. He said he hasn't decided what to do. I made a comment on how he made the decision on our marriage. He commented I had an angry\pissed off look which stops him conversing. I told him I am trying to change that. I changed the topic. Asked about his work and how it made him feel. I then asked if he was off to see the doctor again. He said his and told me his doctor told him he should get out before it gets too toxic. I didn't say anything. Earlier in our conversation I validated how difficult it is for him to be downstairs but I've appreciated him being there. I then said last time we spoke he mentioned to the doctor how he was feeling. I asked if the doctor has given him some strategies. He didn't reply. I told him I was here to support him through whatever he is feeling but I can't help him if he is not truthful to himself. I told him I knew he is depressed. He quickly got up stating that his parking runs out. The last thing I said was I am here to listen when you what to talk. I gave him a hug, he was quite cool saying ok thanks for the coffee etc. I didn't have any expectation when I gave the hug but disappointed he was so cool. I even squeezed his hand after he told me his experience at work on Monday. I have refrained from hugging etc. he was open to it the first week or so but is now uncomfortable. Perhaps my behavior has led to his coolness.
Me: 39 yrs H:45 yrs M:14 years T:18 years D:10 D:6 BD: 13/04/15 S: in progress
Oh and one more thing that I failed to mention when I had coffee with my H was during the whole hour conversation he could not look me in the eye. There were fleeting seconds of eye contact, but the majority of our hour catch up his eyes wondered elsewhere. Is this because he feels guilty or is it due to his depression?
Me: 39 yrs H:45 yrs M:14 years T:18 years D:10 D:6 BD: 13/04/15 S: in progress
Emot1234, I wish I was more of a vet to help advise. I think they would say there is no use in trying to decider your H demeanor right now and you should just focus on you. You need to detach from your H's actions to that you are not as affected when they interaction does not go so great. This is something finally sunk in last week.
Sounds the the conversation was more serious than light hearted and you H seems like he has lots of anger right now. My H was like that for the first few weeks, but has softened a bit. I think my H's anger was coming from a place of hurt, pain and fear.
You said in your intro there has been issues in you SL. Are you the LDS or the HDS? I have come to learn that this us big reason for my H's pain.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
