Glad to hear from you. You are a good person. Look how you have fought for your M and you have given me so definite good advice.
You are independent, strong person. I get the sad about H part, but what we all most realize is the H we married is gone, they are treating us badly and we don't deserve it!
Try to think about the good things, independent, you have a job that will let you work extra hours, someday your H will regret what he did, you have your children and your health now.
Keep detaching and GAL (which is very hard for me) but if you are like me you feel better when you do.
Thanks for your kind words Bob and Skhdive... I said it before and I am very convinced that we are the good people. We have high values and we stick to what makes life clean and healthy.
I am very independent since a young girl, but I miss my pillar. H was the one there, I knew if I was feeling weak, uncertain, insecure, I could always lay my head on his shoulder and cry my doubts, he would encourage me to move forward.
Now, I have a H that wants a D, is in a R with OW, and still cares for me, is nice to me, comes around and is like a dog around me. Gives me flowers, attention, all this in his own time. When he wants, he comes around and do all this.
WHY? Because he is crazy, insane, has no sense of respect for me lately, is selfish, feels guilty. He does not care about me, he just care about himself and that's why he does all this.
H visited my mom last Sunday, he told my mom that he loves me with all his heart and this will never change, but he can't see us together anymore and that he won't stop the D. He said that we just don't belong together anymore.
He told my mom that his R with this OW is not going well, that things are more complicated then everyone thinks. That his life is not easy and this D is very hard for him.
My mom asked if he ever think that this will all teach us a lesson and make us better people to each other and he said that he does not think I will ever change, that I did not love him before and won't love him ever. That I changed three times already and now he sees that I am getting farther away from him and realizing he is not the right person for me.
Oh dear God, I just don't know what to do anymore besides the fact that I need to go the darkest I can be and disappear from his life. I need to DETACH... I need to LET GO... and this is all so hard, so hurtful.
I think I am now realizing that we are separated for 6months and there is not a single sign that he will ever even consider we could work in our M. My marriage is dead, I get it. But now my hope is dying too.
I feel so alone. I have my boys, my family, my friends. They are all so good to me. I have you guys, and yet I feel alone at times, it hurts. Finally the pain is getting to me, the betrayal, disappointment, humiliation, sadness, it is all hitting me hard now.
I know who I am, that's the way I detach, I need to face it all straight and digest it with a lot of pain and then let go for good. I will do it, I just need to keep telling myself it's done.
Thanks, I will start going to other people pages soon and try to help others, this will make me feel better.
Thanks for your kind words Bob and Skhdive... I said it before and I am very convinced that we are the good people. We have high values and we stick to what makes life clean and healthy.
Pink,
You're very welcome! I feel so bad for you. My W, although not with OM, sounds so much like your H. It is tough to get through all this, I know.
Here's an inspirational bible verse, whether you are a believer or not. It is one of my favorites. I hope it helps: “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’” (Jeremiah 29:11).
(((Pink)))
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
It really helps me. I am a believer. I have been a catholic my since birth but was struggling with the church position in many issues around the world, also was struggling within the catholic community here in Colorado.
So I decided to look for my faith, my God somewhere else and I found it. I changed to Christian Evangelical and got baptized last Dec 14, 2014. I feel very happy singing and praying for my God, my Father.
I even have a divorce song for myself: "I am not alone" from Kari Jobe. Amazing as it is, last time my H was at the house, he heard I was humming the song and then he said that he heard it in his way from the airport to his car. It was playing on the shuttle radio. He said he tough about me and wrote a long message, then deleted because he tough I would not bother with his stupidities. I just told him that I would always welcome his messages and if it was about my faith I would never dismiss it as stupidities.
So, is you W always nice to you too? This is something that confuses me. I need to detach and when I see him he is always being so nice, so caring and always talking about us, our M, our R, that he is still confused. It makes such a mess in my head.
I am in a mess as you know but I guess I would detach further and not let him do things for you and I wouldn't talk to him about R or each other. Maybe like DB book says do a complete 180. I am not saying be mean but don't be available when he comes around all the time or if he comes to house be busy doing chores or something.
Yes, that is what I am thinking to do tomorrow when he comes to the house around 12:30pm - just disappear.
He can pick up the stuff he left at the house and just leave. I think it is my last poker move... run away from him, don't have any contact unless it is about the kids or finances.
I need to remind myself to take control over my life and my feelings. Use this time to learn and grow as a person.
I hope I can, because this is a much bigger pain then I anticipated.
I find the less I see my H the better I am and the stronger and more independent I am and then the minute he walks in that resolve cracks. It is hard to do this but if you keep being distracted when he is there with other (made up or not) things it seems easier then just standing there facing them.
I truly believe eventually you get to a place where you are just done and you don't need or want them. I just tell myself while he is at my house all the bad things he has said and done to me and that he is a coward and pitiful and it helps.
Hello lovely P! Glad to hear from you, and sorry you had a rough time with illness, but glad you're feeling better. It sounds like your boys have needed some TLC too - even though they are getting older, they still need Mum sometimes! And they know you are always there for them.
"he told my mom that he loves me with all his heart and this will never change, but he can't see us together anymore and that he won't stop the D. He said that we just don't belong together anymore.
He told my mom that his R with this OW is not going well, that things are more complicated then everyone thinks. That his life is not easy and this D is very hard for him.
he said that he does not think I will ever change, that I did not love him before and won't love him ever. That I changed three times already and now he sees that I am getting farther away from him and realizing he is not the right person for me."
Pink, all of the above is just crazy fog talk. If you try and wring a little logic out of that, you'll go a bit bonkers yourself. Your H is all over the place still. But I am glad to hear things aren't going well with OW at least. With the above, you really need to remember three things. One is MLC and two is believe nothing you hear. Three is, you have to detach from that and live your own life for now.
Please don't lose overall faith and hope though. I'm sure neither of our H's can stay where they are forever, and things will work out in whatever way. It just takes a lot of time and patience.
You're doing so well my lovely friend....take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
It really helps me. I am a believer. I have been a catholic my since birth but was struggling with the church position in many issues around the world, also was struggling within the catholic community here in Colorado.
So, is you W always nice to you too? This is something that confuses me. I need to detach and when I see him he is always being so nice, so caring and always talking about us, our M, our R, that he is still confused. It makes such a mess in my head.
How do you deal with it?
Pink
You're welcome Pink,
I hope you find it as insprirational as I do. My WAW filed for D a little over 6 months ago. We do not live together. For the first 2 - 2 1/2 months, she seemed "nice" most of the time. Since then, little by little, she has become the complete opposite.
How do I, or did I, deal with it? Mostly, I've tried not to have any expectations as is always brought up in DB'ing. I did slip up at times, and I got so confused - such mixed messages. I finally decided to just focus on myself, put things in God's hands, and see what happens.
(((Pink)))) and a little X on the cheek, too. You are a dear person.
Hang in there!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Hi Pink. Fantastic to hear from , I missed you. Sorry your boysare having a hard time. Your paragraph about S15 had me tear up.
Pink. You have become a friend of mine. Not a virtual friend , a friend , I wll find a way to contact you one day in the real world. I have said before your H is lost , don't believe a word he is saying he doesn't seem to have any idea what he wants and every statement he makes its contradicti g the last.
Im glad your returning to the real Pink because the world needs Pink back. Your boys need Pink back and we all need Pink back Underneath your post I see great strength and purpose Pink you will come out the other side but it will take time. Give yourself that time H has to do what he wants and you need to carry on with your life AS IF he is out of it. You are to kind and caring when it comes to him. I understand because you love him but now passionate , loving Pink has to put that love for him to one side until Pink decides what is best for Pink.
Again , great to see you back. Get ready for the kisses and hugs. !! !!
