Question Zues mentioned about being humble and admit that my H and I are interwoven by an 18 year bond. I get that, but would a WAS see this differently? The fact that he doesn't want reconciliation mean that he has let go off that bond so easily?
On another note my MIL will be here next week...
Me: 39 yrs H:45 yrs M:14 years T:18 years D:10 D:6 BD: 13/04/15 S: in progress
Noooo I am still waiting they are arriving next week. I am living in a regional part of Oz, so service is slow. So looking forward to reading the books, I do feel like I am missing the mark here...
Me: 39 yrs H:45 yrs M:14 years T:18 years D:10 D:6 BD: 13/04/15 S: in progress
I'm no vet, but i dont think anyone can absolutely answer your question. it could be either of your suggested answers, a combination or many others.
that said I suspect guilt, internal conflict. again that said - neither my W nor I can look each other in the eye and she is the WAW here. flaunting OM in my face. So I am neither guilty nor conflicted. Well arguably guilty of ..... in the M, but you kno what I mean.
Detaching with kids - well this is a hard one. Any of the guides you readout detachment from a R - the 1st step is NC. I stumbled on this for a while as although we live apart, we still HAVE to communicate re: the kids. I guess all you can do is set boundaries here. For us this is email only. Although that falls apart occasionally. Definitely when we have scheduled mid-week visit by other parent and kids are dropped off again.
MrBond asked you why you think you need to detach. I dont know what he is driving towards but I'm sure he has more to add. As a non vet I suspect you do need to detach at least to protect yourself and be able to continue with this situation more objectively. Trust me, if you love him detaching will not make you not love him. Detaching from this situation will make it all clearer to you, not less.
best of luck -Py
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
MrBond asked you why you think you need to detach. I dont know what he is driving towards but I'm sure he has more to add. As a non vet I suspect you do need to detach at least to protect yourself and be able to continue with this situation more objectively. Trust me, if you love him detaching will not make you not love him. Detaching from this situation will make it all clearer to you, not less.
You ever notice that you can clearly see what others should do but cant see anything in your own situation.
That is because you are DETACHED from those sichs.
Text from H tonight: "W, I respect you enough to know that you wouldn't intentionally let the Ds overhear you discussing elements of me that you are not happy about but please consider our eldest D bat ear and that she picks up our phones from time to time and could accidentally read messages. Thank you for your time earlier. H"
The fact is I have been very careful not to mention anything bad about H infront of the kids. He is a great father, so where has this come from and how to respond?
EMO, I've been a bit short of time today. I hope all is well and will check in when I can. But if I can still help on this, just let it be water of a duck's back and say something like:
"Thanks for having the courage to address this with me head on. You're absolutely right that it would be destructive for everyone involved if any of the children were hurt by this unneccesarily. You have my word I'll make sure the kids see me treat you only with the respect you deserve, and I appreciate the fact that you've done the same for me all along..."
Wow. I like it.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
You ever notice that you can clearly see what others should do but cant see anything in your own situation.
That is because you are DETACHED from those sichs.
Hello EMO,
I think Cadet has the quote of the year!
This is why, and it took me quite a while to "get it," you need to detach and GAL.
Will it be easy? Probably not. What in life is easy that is really worth something?
Hang in there EMO. I've been thinking about you...you can do this.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
hi Cadet - sorry I am confused again. I agree that it is easier to view other's situates more clearly because I am detached from them - but is your post meant to mean that I am being preachy OR something about MrBond's intention. Maybe you are just highlighting how detachment gives you the objectivity to be able to better "solve" a problem.
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
