Board Policies and General Info for Newcomers

[Cadet]

Welcome to divorcebusting.com!

Dear DB'ers,

We would like to remind everyone that our board rules clearly define our policies.

Acceptance of the following terms and conditions is required for everyone who uses this On Line Community:

- Participants shall not post any material that is likely to cause offense, is protected by copyright, trademark or other proprietary right - or that contains names, personal contact information, phone numbers, email addresses, or any other addresses.
- Participants shall treat each other with respect, refraining from rudeness and foul language.
- Participants may not use the On Line Community to post or transmit advertisements or commercial solicitations of any kind.
- The forum Administrators and Moderators have the right to edit, move, censor, delete or otherwise modify any posted message.
- This web site does not verify or guarantee the accuracy of the material posted to the forums or bear any responsibility for any loss, damage, or other liabilities caused by any posted message.
-You agree not to post any copyrighted material, photos, videos, book references, or links to other sites.

This is a public forum. Exchanging private contact information with other users is not allowed. Our purpose in making this On Line Community available to you is to offer you a place to publicly give and receive Divorce Busting help, and to support one another in saving your marriages and keeping your families together. It was never our intention to provide a means of privately connecting with others via the internet. There are many other sites where that is encouraged. This is not one of them. We are here to help and support you via this public forum.

We welcome you and appreciate your cooperation in honoring these policies.

Message from Virginia Peeples
Vice President
The Divorce Busting Center

[Cadet]

The purpose of this site is to help you navigate through the solution-oriented techniques created by Michele Weiner-Davis that have been proven for over 30 years to save marriages. Her techniques are spelled out in the materials linked to this site, but most commonly on this board we are talking about Divorce Busting(DB), Divorce Remedy(DR) and Keeping Love Alive (KLA). Most of the folks here are familiar with one or more of these works, and while it's most helpful if you familiar with the techniques we will help you navigate them. This is not a peer-counseling site, it's a brainstorming solutions site. And yet, some folks will give you 'advice'.

Some of our members are more experienced with the materials than others. Some are not. And sometimes you will find advice that contradicts the principles here. You will find that those who know the principles and are committed to marriage will challenge bad advice. Good advice is about bringing MORE LOVE into your relationship and therefore helps you brainstorm solutions. Bad 'advice' is very self centered and does the opposite.

We don't catch everything, though, so your BEST bet is to compare the advice you receive to the materials (DB/DR/KLA).
And if it's confusing, click NOTIFY. We will help you as soon as we are able.
Better yet--call for an appointment with a DB Coach.
303-444-7004 or 800-664-2435
or click here
COACHING

[Cadet]

Which forum is MOST appropriate for me?

If you are new to this site, and especially if your spouse has a foot out the door--start with Newcomers, at least initially, to learn the basic techniques/skills. You will also want to check out the Divorce Remedy forum. Then:

If you are dealing with the specific issue of Infidelity, you might like to check out that forum.

If you are having trouble with a SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE, you may also like to find some support and creative solutions on that forum.


When your spouse is really willing to work with you, and has stopped talking about leaving, you are PIECING. I'll explain later, but it's important to catch that step and act accordingly. This is the space in which to really build your skill set and strengthen your relationship. You may find you backslide here, that's OK. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off--you're still 'Piecing' unless you really want to join a different forum. There is no need to go back to newcomers. You just begin again with a 'Beginner's Mind' if you need to.


Later, when you feel you are on more solid ground or that you have advanced, we have a forum for you if you'd still like to work on your DB skill set and get support: After Reconciling--Keeping the Changes Going.


We have other forums that you may want to check out, but this is the 'nuts and bolts'.

[Cadet]

What is piecing?

What are your measurements of success? Do you feel you are good at catching the small successes and building on them? Do you feel you need a full melding of the minds / perfect harmony befor you feel you've made it.

Piecing is where you having a willing partner, working with you. You are no longer in the LRT. Your spouse is talking about being with you and not talking about leaving.

This is where you really build your skillset, and the better you do that, the more likely you won't be back at the heartbreak point.




Michele's facebook quote here is a real teaching point:

When things are going right in your marriage, pay special attention to how you and your spouse act, think & feel. Reproduce these traits when things start going downhill.

Experiment, monitor results, modify accordingly.

[Cadet]

Just a reminder to post carefully and to know that once something is out there on the internet, it's forever.

Please also limit your threads to 100 Posts - I will be glad to help people in linking their threads.

For those on moderation we will try for the following
The goal to approve individual posts is 24 hours. There are very few moderators, and they have other full-time jobs. So, there are times that this approval does not happen within 24 hours. We apologize, we are committed to you, sometimes the time frame is unavoidable.
___________________________________________________________

Here is a useful tip on using the forum

How to quote

Simplest method to quote is to use the quote button at the bottom.

Also you can highlight what you want to quote and hit the quote button.

Next method is to copy what you want to quote and use the fifth button from the right in REPLY mode,
insert text between brackets.

Last and hardest method is to type
I have left out the trailing bracket so you can see what to type.

[quote=username]How to quote[/quote

Use the PREVIEW POST button before you hit submit so you can see what your post will look like.

[Cadet]

How to find a user on DB

Go up to
MY STUFF (now it is your name in upper right corner)
Click on Followed List
Click on Followed Users
Click on Edit Followed Users
Click on Add a user to list
Type in user - "Never Give UP"
Select her as a watched user.
Click on her name
Click on show all posts.
Click on Topics
__________________________________________________________________

How to find your thread

Try clicking on YOUR NAME
SHOW POSTS
Then at the top right it says TOPICS CREATED - click there

or

My Stuff
Posts
Then at the top right it says TOPICS CREATED - click there

[Cadet]

If you are reading someones posts, using the SHOW POSTS function.
And they have a lot of posts, you may want to go to a certain page of the listing.
So in the bottom right corner it say pages 1-xxx
Then there is a black downward facing arrow.
If you click on that arrow then you can enter a page number.

Took me about 2 years to figure that out.

Also the forum defaults can be changed to put more or less posts on a page.

Or you can change what is displayed to look at older posts.

There is a lot of information here but it takes some work to find it all.

[Cadet]

Another helpful hint

I do have one question that is related to board operations and not to my situation.

Is there any way that I can set it up to receive e-mail notification when there are new posts in threads that I am following?

OK I have been researching this question as I do not use this function but it DOES work.

I have just tested it and got my first e-mail from DB.

Let me see if I can explain it.

There are quite a few steps to set it all up.

1) At the top of your topic it says - New Reply - and then another box that says topic options.

There is a drop down menu and one of the choices is to "Add topic to your Watched Topics" - select that.

Then go to "MY STUFF" and click on "WATCH LISTS"
Then another page comes up and you must click on "Watched Topics"
and then "Edit Watched Topics"

Then you will get a choice of
E-Mail Notification
None
Immediately

Select Immediately
Then at the bottom hit
UPDATE WATCHED TOPICS.

That should set it up correctly.

[Cadet]

How to get more people to POST on my thread?

To get more replies my suggestion is to ask questions.
Put you post down in a readable fashion. (not one big block of type- ie hit carriage return frequently).
KISS = Keep it simple stupid
Post on other peoples threads and give them support.
You may not think you are qualified but you will be surprised that you may know something
or have some knowledge of something that others know nothing about.
Personally thank each poster that does post on your thread or ask them a follow up question.

Keep posting! - (Most important part)

[Painter]

Cadet,

Could you please clarify the rules for discussing books on this board? I'm a little confused because I quoted a book and it was edited, but I see numerous posts on here, some several years old, that have extensive book references or are entirely about a book...

Thank you!