In the UK -need help (pt3)

[Huddy]

Hi NDY

OK, obviously my first try at being 'strong' in the face of all the crap that is coming. I know I may have got a few things wrong.

Temp test was weird. It's not like she could have done that by accident. Why send me a message about being f***** over with a kiss on it?

The 50/50 rule will probably come back at some point. Don't know if I should delay 'til later in the week to call L. Do it now or wait?

Told her that I would have to agree to what the estate agents say and she can't sell it with out me. If she does carry on like this, I'm going to insist on at least three agents.

Thought saying I was not going to make it easy sounded tough. Maybe I've read that rule wrong. I though I had to sound like I was moving on. Ah, re-reading that, it sounds like I'm delaying - got it.

I've not seen her that angry for years. Full on, face red, expletive issuing, stomping about angry. I thought I handled it well, because I just sat at the dining table eating my tea whilst this spewfest was ongoing. I tried to seem disengaged. Right/wrong?

Don't want to buy different gifts. She's not talking, so I'll leave it to later in the week.

The love me comment has an angle. When my mother died, my three sisters, the week before she died, took the will and got my mum to change it in to their favour. Long story, but when my father died, I paid my mother's mortgage for eight years and it was agreed that when she died, I'd get the house. As I was now married and not living there, I agreed with my sisters that I would share it with them. They, however, decided that wasn't enough for them, so took the lot. That was 14 years ago, and I never forgave them.

So, what I told my W was, I now saw her as just being like my sisters; you've taken the good stuff, now you're ripping me off, so I need somebody who loves me and if that's not you, I need somebody else. Does that make sense, or is it still needy? The sister comment will have hurt more than anything else as she hated them for what they did to me.

[NDY]

Not sure mate. I get why you said what you said. Again, not a vet or anything but each sitch is different. I've just had a spew fest of my own that I'm going to post later but for now I'd leave her alone.

At least one thing is that she has said she doesn't want this. Perhaps she's looking for you to bail her out? I.e an escape route? Not sure how that would work but worth thinking about.

[Huddy]

No worries. Catch up in the morning, Hang tough.

[sandi2]

I think you may have had the right idea, but It is difficult to word things just right during these times. For example, instead of saying I "need" a woman who loves me, it may have been more powerful to have said, I "deserve" a woman who loves me.

As soon as she believes you have let go of her, the dynamics will change. But as long as you want to remind her how this is not what you want, and make references to her possibly being that woman you need to love you.......she has the upper hand in the stitch. The WW's mind just doesn't work like you think it does, where you assure her she still holds your heart in her hand.

Do not trust her! Do not get excited whenever you see her put a heart or kiss at the end of a text. Don't waste time trying to figure out why. Do not fall for her parading around practically naked. A WW does these things as nothing more than manipulation, and nothing less than old habits.



I have a couple of questions. First, do you have a lawyer representing you? Second, why will you be paying half of the expenses?

[Pyrite]

Huddy, I think you did an excellent job.

YOU are analysing to the letter what words you said, and were they the best possible etc. Guaranteed she is NOT.

She is fuming about what? Do you think she even recalls what you said? Doubtful. IF anything she might remember that you didn't crack and start yelling. But possiblyNOT even this.

My W has zero recollection of some of our conversations. She has vivid recollections of cherry picked half true arguments and events. Mid sentence in a spew fest all about how I make her so angry with my talking etc, I interject that I haven't opened my mouth yet.
i.e. She can't even be consistent, rational from one second to the next

none of what you hear, half of what you see, AND expect that they ARE doing the same by default but with an agenda - to justify their behaviour.

[Pyrite]

me again, your expecting calculated reaction to nuances from a woman that puts kisses on the end of that text.

my W does/has done that sort of crap. To us, and anyone else who is not in a daze - WTF. That just makes no sense on any level. Unless it was like the kiss of death. but i don't think she meant this. maybe she was just excited, and leading from her heart she did this. maybe it was just habit. maybe she has been abducted by aliens and this a half brain dead clone.

[Huddy]

I think you may have had the right idea, but It is difficult to word things just right during these times. For example, instead of saying I "need" a woman who loves me, it may have been more powerful to have said, I "deserve" a woman who loves me.

Hi Sandi2 - good to get your input. This was my first time at following your tough rules without getting emotional, so I am the first to admit I wasn't pitch perfect.

Deserve. Good word. Will use that from now on. Seems more powerful and descriptive.

So, do I take off my wedding ring? She's already ditched hers, so I'm just a bit confused as to what message this will send.

I've told her I don't trust her anymore (hence the comment about being like my sisters - she'll really hate that) and she didn't like that one bit. But I told her as she had gone legal, I can't believe a word she says.

Yes I have an L. It's house expenses I will be paying. I've told her I'm not paying for clothes or meals with her friends etc.

Hi Pyrite

Hope Melbourne is good today and hope you're having fun with the kids.

When she tries to regurgitate something, she only remembers parts of it and fills in the rest with her own story or twists it so that I have said something bad.

Rationallity goes out of the window and I expect noting else. Kisses on texts etc. has been tried before when I was weak and when I mentioned it she said 'I knew you'd get excited'. Stronger now, so I'm not 'that' man anymore!

[Tulo]

I just wish this ride would stop!

Huddy,

You and me both.. I think you handled yourself great! Let her fume and say silly stuff, what was she expecting? For you to roll over and play dead?

I'm having a horrible day here.. Will start new tread soon. And I guess I'm totally being a baby but he changed his status on FB and took our R away and that hurts.. But I guess that comes down to the expectations, I thought he wouldn't do it so fast, and why am I expecting anything to begin with. And an even more childish thing is I wish I'd done it first.. So he could see me detach.

Anyway dear Huddy. I know the feeling with fear all around your stomach, I feel it too. So wish we could just be rid of all this hurt and anxiety but we will be, sooner or later.

All my best, keep it up!

[Huddy]

Morning Tulo

Well, that's an about turn by tour man isn't it? Other day he's liking your pictures on FB now he's changing status? Right, get tough. Have faith. Unfriend him. It'll get his attention and he'll know (despite what you're feeling inside) you are stronger than he thinks.

Just keep telling yourself (i do when I feel rough) that they are the losers.

[Tulo]

Unfriend him.

I know I ought to, but I don't feel I have it in my just yet..

I want to think that he's the looser, but right now, I feel like I wasn't good enough, not sweet enough, not love worthy enough, and all other horrible things I can throw at myself..

I have turned off the chat for him, so I don't see his green light and I will stop checking in on his wall.
So want to text him and say that he could have told me he was going to change this, but I wont. I wont contact him at all, and if he wants to follow me as I run it's up to him to contact me. Doubt it that he will..

Sorry Huddy, for hijacking your tread.. I'll try to shape up!