Yeah, W is being a nightmare. She's in full runaway, no logic, selfish, not caring mode.
So, here's the thing. In two weeks I've gone from being miserable and needy into being somebody who only sees the kids as a priority and to hell with the W. I'm applying Sandi2's rules/LRT to myself and feel better.
I can't control her, but I can control my part of the situation and I HAVE TO look after my kids and their needs regardless of what W has to say about it.
I feel a bit harsh about it but my W isn't the W she was ten weeks ago. Deep down I want 'her' but not 'her' as she is now. I probably haven't explained that well but if she can't/won't return to be a loving spouse to me, I have to let go.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
I feel a bit harsh about it but my W isn't the W she was ten weeks ago. Deep down I want 'her' but not 'her' as she is now. I probably haven't explained that well but if she can't/won't return to be a loving spouse to me, I have to let go.
you don't need to explain that part. I recon 99% of us on here want that as well.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
So, another brisk walk back up the hill. That's four miles + per day of walking I'm getting through now. Haven't done that since I met W so feeling pretty fit.
Still practicing NC and she's now resorted to covering her face on the side I sit so she can't see me. Kids really wanted to do hugs etc. when I got in, so that felt good.
Ticking off my DB rule list, I've done the 180 by getting fit, lean and mean, I've practiced NC for about two weeks and I have shown W that I am quite capable of living on my own. Will all this bring her back? I don't know. What signs will I look for? No idea. How long will it take? Haven't a clue. Have I got it wrong and she's so stubborn that all this is pushing her further away? Maybe I should go palm reading!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
So, another brisk walk back up the hill. That's four miles + per day of walking I'm getting through now. Haven't done that since I met W so feeling pretty fit.
Still practicing NC and she's now resorted to covering her face on the side I sit so she can't see me. Kids really wanted to do hugs etc. when I got in, so that felt good.
Ticking off my DB rule list, I've done the 180 by getting fit, lean and mean, I've practiced NC for about two weeks and I have shown W that I am quite capable of living on my own. Will all this bring her back? I don't know. What signs will I look for? No idea. How long will it take? Haven't a clue. Have I got it wrong and she's so stubborn that all this is pushing her further away? Maybe I should go palm reading!
Dude, take it from a man that knows. She is nowhere near bottoming out yet. I can't believe she covers her face. Lol. That is the first time I've heard that and I've heard some pretty crazy stuff of this journey.
Want to know what I do in the house when she's spewing? I either whistle, hum or sing a tune. But in a low voice. I click my fingers in time to the tune. Not in front of her but when I'm moving about doing stuff. Now does that sound like a needy broken man?
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Hi Huddy. Your last post is completely right. When it's comes to W and her thoughts you have no idea so why even try because you'll more than likely get it wrong. Get on with your life , improve yourself , make yourself someone only a fool would leave and cherish those kids.
She started doing that a couple of weeks ago, but only does it when she's trying not to see me playing/kissing the kids. I've been whistling and she looks bemused. Maybe that's good.
Hi rd500
Only a fool would leave! Ha ha, I like that.That's made my evening.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
She started doing that a couple of weeks ago, but only does it when she's trying not to see me playing/kissing the kids. I've been whistling and she looks bemused. Maybe that's good.
Hi rd500
Only a fool would leave! Ha ha, I like that.That's made my evening.
I would say so. Seems like a guilt thing to me but hey, no mind reading right? I'd do more of it if you can. She will eventually look.
And whistling? Yea. The whole 'not bothered' thing. That's also a good one.
I always have this nagging feeling that our WAS's are punishing us. You get the feeling that they want to make us suffer. Crikey, mine did. But when the pain stops? Who know perhaps they start to look at things differently.
I know your just into this situation mate. But man you are progressing well. I'm actually at the stage where I believe there is very little she can do to hurt me now. IDK, she can be very creative in that department but everything she has done strikes me as her wanting to get back at me rather than a WAS that's had enough. Reading sandi2's posts on the WW rather than the WAS has led me to conclude this. She has been very cruel. Someone that just wants out isn't that cruel.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
OK, I see what you mean. My W treats me incredibly cruelly and vindictive, but due to some of the things she's put in place, she classifies as a WAS.
The only thing that I really fear is loss of the kids. That really feels like a punishment. But what for? I've always worked, always provided, sacrificed all my hobbies to be with the kids, provided her with everything she's asked for. The only thing I haven't been able to do is allow her to endless pots of money. As the only real earner it doesn't really stretch round that much when there are five mouths to feed.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
OK, I see what you mean. My W treats me incredibly cruelly and vindictive, but due to some of the things she's put in place, she classifies as a WAS.
The only thing that I really fear is loss of the kids. That really feels like a punishment. But what for? I've always worked, always provided, sacrificed all my hobbies to be with the kids, provided her with everything she's asked for. The only thing I haven't been able to do is allow her to endless pots of money. As the only real earner it doesn't really stretch round that much when there are five mouths to feed.
What did she tell you were her reasons for wanting the D? And drop the fear. She can smell it. It didn't work for me wrt S9 so it won't work for you. That's not what she's thinking right now.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
