Good point Cadet, I've been reading some of the other forums on goal setting before I came back here and saw your reply, it's going to be a goal setting weekend.
Shouldn't be too hard for me to detach as she is already doing that enough for both of us. I now realize that I can sit in the same room with her and feel the tension or I can go do something elsewhere and leave her to do her own thing. Just really hard to do when she's suppose to be thinking about what I could be doing not the other way around...the whole thing just seems counter-intuitive.
Sorry you're here Mike, there are a lot of caring people here who share your pain.
Keep your chin up and listen to Cadet and the vets, what they tell you seems like the exact opposite of what you want to do, especially in the beginning but then it starts to make sense.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
It's a funny thing, the divorce process, it forces us to really be introspective.
It's unnatural because there's a habit or a perspective that's been formed. It's leading you look at the world a certain way. All of us have dysfunctional scripts that we play in our heads to protect us. But they don't always work and set us up for these situations.
I appreciate how weird/unnatural it all feels. You're going against the scripts that have been governing your world for a long time. They may have contributed to the situation as it is as well.
Speaking of learning skills, something I found recently that I appreciate, for me, is a self-help series call "Man Transformation". Google it. There's other stuff on the topic that are worth looking at too. There's a lot of info out there to help, this is just one of mine and there's a lot of interesting discussion that I appreciated. .
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
I am about half-way through the DR book and I have to say I'm not sure if the tactics (180's, LRT) I've read so far will actually work.. It is really hard for me to stay positive and act like nothing is wrong around my W. All she does is ignore me and only responds when she has to with very short answers. So now I am suppose to do the same to her but be happy about it?!? Anybody have any tips for me? This is tough...
Hi Mike - I'm in Michigan too. Must be something in the water here, huh?
To be clear, you aren't supposed to ignore her. You are supposed to not pursue her and to detach from her. Be interested in things she says, have normal conversations (though NOT about your M or R). What you want to avoid is the following her around or feeling forced to have conversations. Keep it light, keep it positive.
She came home after work and said she was packing a few things and staying at a friends house for a while....I appreciate all the comments this far but I don't have much hope right now. Very sad night for me, if it wasn't for my son being here on my lap I'm not sure what I would do.
It just [censored] Mike. Period. Unfortunately it's going to suck for a while.
But, it starts to suck less as time goes on. Everyone here will tell you that this is a long road. During the first few months can't imagine surviving one full day of so start taking lots of long slow breaths.
Reach out to a family member or friends too. Have a buddy come over and watch some TV with you. You're going to have to take it day by day, minute by minute, but you WILL get through this. Be strong for your son.
My heart goes out to you.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
