Thank you for the extra reading. It is a great idea. I have only scratched the surface and find it to be a gold mine.
When toots does the GAL thread, it could be interesting to include a) activities on a budget as this restricts some people and b) GAL at home. Clarify the diff between GAL at home and getting busy.i
One concept I feel most newcomers find hard to grasp, is the concept of time. From DR and many of the success stories in blocked thread seem to have rather quick results. As everyone is eager to succeed quivkly , I find from reading the threads here that most do not grasp just how long it can be to get the result desired .......if that does happen. Maybe it would be useful if someone could indicate averages or some other data about that. I know all situations are different, but it may help newbies detach quicker if they really grasped the nature of this marathon.
Look forward to going through this thread. Good job cadet.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
One concept I feel most newcomers find hard to grasp, is the concept of time. From DR and many of the success stories in blocked thread seem to have rather quick results. As everyone is eager to succeed quivkly , I find from reading the threads here that most do not grasp just how long it can be to get the result desired .......if that does happen. Maybe it would be useful if someone could indicate averages or some other data about that. I know all situations are different, but it may help newbies detach quicker if they really grasped the nature of this marathon.
This is a great suggestion, and I'm not entirely sure about what's the best way to better prepare folks who wash up on our beaches here. We do glibly throw out the phrase "That's why we say 'it's a marathon and not a sprint'" a lot, but rarely do you see a better assessment of just what that LOOKS like.
I've also seen it said "about one month per every year you've been married" as a realistic piecing time-frame, and while that seems about right to me that's referring to reconciliation and not the initial DBing phase.
Maybe it would be useful if someone could indicate averages or some other data about that. I know all situations are different, but it may help newbies detach quicker if they really grasped the nature of this marathon.
You know, as a researcher in my regular life, I've always thought that it could be interesting to set up some sort of survey and poll people on their experiences. The statistics on D are so poor, in large part because people don't want to talk about their experiences. But here we have committed group of people, eager for more information, and probably more than willing to contribute to the knowledge base. I have ideas for how this could be done... anonymously of course...but it probably gets into a whole other realm of issues and I'm not sure MWD would approve. Also, it's not at all my area of research!
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Maybe it would be useful if someone could indicate averages or some other data about that. I know all situations are different, but it may help newbies detach quicker if they really grasped the nature of this marathon.
You know, as a researcher in my regular life, I've always thought that it could be interesting to set up some sort of survey and poll people on their experiences. The statistics on D are so poor, in large part because people don't want to talk about their experiences. But here we have committed group of people, eager for more information, and probably more than willing to contribute to the knowledge base. I have ideas for how this could be done... anonymously of course...but it probably gets into a whole other realm of issues and I'm not sure MWD would approve. Also, it's not at all my area of research!
Well I was about to say we couldnt do it however, I just created a test poll much to my own surprise.
I am not sure what we would ask or poll and I am not sure how scientific it would be, as almost everyone here is biased as having read DB/DR. Interesting idea though. Lets test this poll as I think it is anonymous, unless someone comments on how they voted.
Hi Cadet. Yep - agree it's biased if the aim is to get an idea about Rs in general. But if we do it with a disclaimer that the aim is to know a bit more about who is on here and where they are at in the process then I think it could still be useful.
Let me think on the questions. They key is being able to match the responses to particular questions (e.g. map "how do you feel now?" back to "how long have you been at it?") I doubt the forum polling function will allow it, but let's give it a go and see.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
FWIW I have been editing most of the newbies threads and replacing the welcome post with the one on this thread that includes the resources thread, so if you have not yet read all of the NEW NEWCOMERS resources I suggest you do so, lots of good stuff on there and I have added to it.
Also check back because I plan on continuing to add to it and am still hoping to get some other contributions from the other VETS. YEA I mean YOU STARSKY, MR BOND, 25MLC, Wonka(already contributed), Sandi (already contributed)or any one else I am leaving out!
