WAW Filed for D the Next Day Part 9 (Bob)

[Bob723]

Small suggestion Bob. I would rephrase the "it's difficult when you have that sort of health issue".

When I first read it, I took it to mean that it's difficult for YOU that she has a health issue. If I can make that mistake, she surely can too.

I would make it clearer that you are validating and not complaining.

I so hope I'm making sense.

Hi Ralphy,

Thank you my friend, I do see what you mean!! That wasn't in Wonka's message and I think I misundersttod someone else's suggestion.

I see that Toots has a suggestion, which I will probably use, and it is basically the first part of the "Amazing Wonka's" orignal advised text.

Thank you for having my back, buddy!

Bob

[Bob723]

Hi Bob....a few suggested edits from me...T xx

Hi Toots!

I truly love you like a sister. You are so generous of your time to all of us on this forum. I completey agree wth you and may even take out the "I'm so thrilled for the Blackhawks" because my W knows I am and I'm trying so hard to keep all my feeling (yes, even about my beloved Hawks) out of this.)

I made that small change. Wonka originally suggested something like "How thrilling for the Blackhawks..." which I should've stuck with. Sorry, Wonka, not sure why I changed it. But reading it many times now, it starts out sounding like the text is about me -- and it truly is not. I want to help W so I can become a "Better Bob" and because it's the right thing to do.

Toots, like I write to so many others here...what would I (we) do without you??

Thank you so much. I hope you're having a good day.

xoxo

Bob

[Bob723]

Bob, that's the final edit from Toots. It's an important communication.

keep the cd until later in the process.

Because this will be a slow train journey there will be plenty of stopping stations and junctions to include it.V

Hello V,

Oh my, I am so happy you stopped by again! I had a feeling you would suggest holding onto the CD. I will. It's not something that was already here before she left. I will see if I can add one or two surprises that I'm sure she would like with her now.

V, you are a wonderful, loving woman. Thanks for following my sitch so closely. This is an important response to my W, especially since she did admit that her TM to me a week ago was "vicious." At least she owned up to it. You may recall me posting that it "came out of the blue" and it made me cry.

Thanks for all you do for all of us here. I am going to dedicate a very special prayer for you after I post this.

So it's in one post, I will add both of my W's TMs from yesterday and my (hopefully) final draft of what I will send her today.

xoxo

Bob

[Bob723]

Hi again Toots,

I'm curious...why did you remove the part Wonka had where I mention I'm proud of my stepson, too?

Is it so I don't add my feelings in the message? Maybe it would seem like I'm complimenting her son to win her love back? Besides the Hawks, I found it as a common interest we can agree on. But I'm sure you had a good reasom for editing that out. Like Wonka, you are so good at this, too.

I know Wonka's usually busy with GAL over the weekend, so I doubt she'll be online.

Thanks Toots!

[Bob723]

All, in case you are new to my sitch or not, I thought I'd re-post my W's "vicious" TM (her description later) from Fri 6/12, her 2 TMs from yestrday Fri 6/19 (I had gone dark) and my draft TM reply to her. This way, it's all here in 1 place to refresh all our memories.

Fri June 12:
W: "You know I just came home from the grocery store drove myself there and back as usual. I'm starting to make new friends who are nice, not controlling and actually seem to like me for who I am, without conditions placed on everything . I realize how much you took from me over the last 13 years and I makes me want to vomit. You tried so hard to control me ever since the start and all you did was bring me down. You are an absolute control freak, you make me sick."

*** No contact between this period. ***

Fri June 19:
Text #1:
W: "Sorry to have sounded so vicious, but that's how I felt that day. With Collection Agencies calling all the time over things that I do not think are wholly my responsibility, I am angry quite often."

Text #2:
W: "Anyhow, Congratulations on the Blackhawks Victory!!! I've been sick with Pancreatitis since Monday so I didn't get to see much of it. I'm very proud of them, they are still my team. Another funny thing is that I haven't cut the back part of my hair since I got here, so now my pony tail is so long it would fit great through my Sox cap. CAN YOU DO ME A FAVOR? I will PAY YOU BACK for the POSTAGE!!! Could you send me my summer dresses, sundresses, shorts in my third and fourth drawers, the hand carved knife in the top drawer next to my side of the bed and my baseball cap to wear in the sun? I got a bad sun burn through the car glass coming down for (her S's) graduation . He has chosen to go to (same college as W) this fall. Like mother, like son! If you could send those things, I would greatly appreciate it and pay you back for the postage & hassle. If not, I'll have to make other arrangements. Please let me know if you can or not. Thank you so very much. W"

Wonka's loving, caring text she wrote for me---without me even asking. What a true friend! I'm still so overwhelmed wth her and everyone's willingness to take so much time on me. xoxo
"W,

Yeah, I am so thrilled for Blackhawks...about time! What a thrilling series.

Drats about pancreatitis...ugh that cannot be fun at all. Hope you're better by now. How wonderful that SName is going to college...how exciting for him. I can imagine that you must be very proud of him. I am too for all he's accomplished up to now.

Sure, I can send out the items. Knife?? Are you chasing bears in your backyard?? Ha!

Have a good day.

Bob"

Finally (drum roll) my draft text with a few tweaks I made based on how I speak and suggesions from V and Toots:

"W,

What a thrilling time to be a Blackhawks fan. What an epic series! I am sorry about the pancreatitis. That’s no fun at all. Hope you're better by now.

It’s wonderful that (S) is going to (W’s college)...how exciting for him. You must be proud of all he’s accomplished.

Yes, I can check on your things and respond in a couple of days.

Take care, Bob"

Then, in a few days. I'll send W this, written by Wonka:

"Sure, I can send out the items. Knife?? Are you chasing bears in your backyard?? Ha!" (I love that line SO much and W will, too.)

I'll wait some to hear what the group thinks.

Thank you one and all.

Bob

[Bob723]

Sorry to post again....anyone have any thoughts on this? See my previous post for recent history.

My draft text (I added the word "so" before wonderful about her S) since my last post. A tiny word just to let W know how cool I think it is -- without actually saying it.

"W,

What a thrilling time to be a Blackhawks fan. What an epic series! I am sorry about the pancreatitis. That’s no fun at all. Hope you're better by now.

It’s so wonderful that (S) is going to (W’s college)...how exciting for him. You must be proud of all he’s accomplished.

Yes, I can check on your things and respond in a couple of days.

Take care, Bob"

Group, should I press the shiny "Send" button? Any vets out there?

Sandi, I would love your opinion.

Bob

[Sotto]

Hi Bob, I was just trimming really. I think it's worth saying as little as you can as best you can. And I thought it was enough to say how proud she must be and not make it about you at all.

With that second part of the message, I would gather the stuff together, post it and just let her know you have done that...you can get the bear line in too I'm sure. Can you post knives over there?? Our postal service is pretty strict on anything 'dangerous' going in the post..

Thanks for posting on my thread...hope you're having a good weekend

[Bob723]

Hi Toots, you are very welcome! That's what I thought. Less is more. Okay, I am going to send her the message I last posted.

You have a good question about the knife. I'm sure our P.O. in the USA x-rays all packages. It is in a cover, and I was going to place it in the middle of her clothes, but I don't believe I should send it. Still, once I have her stuff together and ready to go, I can use the "knife" joke by Wonka. I'll have to also let W know the P.O. would not let me ship it, if that's the case.

I'll call and ask the P.O. I don't need the police knocking at the door.

I sent the TM. Her phone is off now.

Thank you, Toots!

*hugs*

Bob

[sandi2]

"W,

What a thrilling time to be a Blackhawks fan. What an epic series! I am sorry about the pancreatitis. That’s no fun at all. Hope you're better by now.

It’s so wonderful that (S) is going to (W’s college)...how exciting for him. You must be proud of all he’s accomplished.

Yes, I can check on your things and respond in a couple of days.

Take care, Bob"

Personally, I prefer this text. It may be your nature to show a lot of excitement and eagerness in your written conversations, but IMHO, maybe you need to be watchful right now and work on toning it down just a little. That is why I like this last version, b/c the previous ones were just a little too over the top, if you know what I mean.

[Bob723]

Hello Sandi,

Aww, thank you so much for checking in on me. I know, all LBH's who have a WW spouse ask for your advice, and I know you try to keep up with as many sitches as you can. But, there's only so much time in a day and you have your own life to live.

That's the exact text I sent. When I sent it, it did not get "Delivered" so her phone is off. That's nothing unusal for my W, especially if she is still recovering from pancreatitis. I am NOT going to keep checking if it got delivered. Eventually, she'll turn her phone on and see my reply.

Any thought at all on her TMs from the other day, Fri 6/19? Where she apologized for her mean-spirited TM and even referred to it as "vicious" and then asked a favor of me (the clothes, etc). About the only time I hear from her is when she needs a favor. I re-posted it a little above your reply on page 3 of this thread.

In the meantime, I'll keep working on myself and I have placed this is God's hands -- thanks to your advice.

Sandi, I sincerely mean this: You are a blessing to all of us, especially the LBHs.

You're on my daily prayer list of people I give thanks for.

I hope you can check back in on me when you have some time.

Thank you and friendly *hugs* coming your way.

Bob