Yes, one could say we are already having an emotional affair. I can live with that without feeling bad about myself because I know I can’t change my feelings… but I CAN change my behavior. As excruciatingly difficult as it is, I don’t believe we should touch beyond holding hands until we are truly free to be in a relationship and celebrate that. I can wait 2-3 months for that day, E. And if it comes, I will be the happiest woman on earth and do everything in my power to make you happy too!
This is my favorite part...she's right, she can't control her feelings, just her behavior...only isn't sending a profession of love to a committed woman and encouraging her to leave her family a 'behavior'?
If she really believed in this "can't control feelings only behavior" she would've had a moment of silence for the desire she couldn't fulfill and backed the #_^U_( off...
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
After our talk today, I believe your intention is to end your relationship with Dif after the boys leave. Yeah, PLANT that darn seed in W's mind that leaving Diff is the BEST path forward. Yesss...let's hit the TNT button. I'm not really sure, so if that isn’t true, let me know! Oops...the opening line was just pure evil. Better show my "good-girl" side just to keep things balanced here. I don’t want to be in a relationship with you if it isn’t. That is hard to say, BELIEVE ME, but is the right thing to do if you won’t be leaving Dif within 2-3 months. If I compromise my values, I won’t be someone worth your love or mine. Gee, I ought to show that I am a neutral and concerned friend that is supportive of W. Nah, let me just serve W some more Koolaid here with the carrot dangling enticement of forbidden fruit here. Meet Eve and the snake.
If it IS true that you intend to leave Dif, I would like to suggest you start changing your interactions with her as soon as possible so she begins to feel some distancing. We know that you DO plan to leave Diff. Let's cut to the chase here. You don't want to mess with me so you better listen to what I say here. It isn’t fair to her to go on talking about future plans together and act as if the two of you have a solid relationship if you don’t. That sets her up for a bigger fall – and I think will make you feel even worse. If my intention was to leave someone, but to wait for a better time before doing it, I would try to treat who I was leaving more like a very close friend instead of a partner. Better stop having sex with the W! No way, no how! It is all about US. This could be especially hard because your lives are deeply intertwined and you two have some very comfortable habits only couples have. Nope. Not that hard now that I've dangled the forbidden fruit in front of your eyes.
As much as I want to see you as often as possible, I don’t think we should plan any more things after this week that involve all 3 of us. Let me tease you a bit here. Let me play hard to get here. That feels wrong. Nah, my moral compass has long passed the cracking point here. Nevermind..pay no heed to that "moral high ground" comment. When the 3 of us are together, there will always be an elephant in the room, one that Dif may feel but not understand. Translation: There will be sexual tension between us and we don't want Diff to see that! No. It is so special that only two of us can understand each other. And if she does find out later we were “pretending” to just be friends, she will be deeply hurt and angry. Don't worry. We will just play "pull the wool over Diff's eyes" game here. Follow my lead, baby. I'll take care of it for you. I still want to see you as much as I can, but I also know that is difficult. I want to F@CK you so bad, but Diff is in the way. Ya know...
I dream about an incredible life with you, E! Oohh...la la. Our life together will be rainbows, cotton candy, and popsciles! No laundry, no bills, no conflicts, no stress. And if that is to be, I don’t want to do anything now we will regret. Yeah, come on....cut your arm off. Ignore the blood. Heck, I like drinking blood. Just do it!Yes, one could say we are already having an emotional affair. I can live with that without feeling bad about myself because I know I can’t change my feelings… but I CAN change my behavior. Forget about the "moral high ground", I just want to f@ck your brains. My behavior is screaming "Eat the darn apple!!!" As excruciatingly difficult as it is, I don’t believe we should touch beyond holding hands until we are truly free to be in a relationship and celebrate that. Gosh, my halo just fell off. I better pick it up so I can come across as an innocent Goody-Good Two Shoes Sally for appearances sake. I can wait 2-3 months for that day, E. Jeez, we 'have to' maintain this fake facade to the world that we are two upstanding citizens. Then we can rip apart your family because we're two uncontrollable bunnies. And if it comes, I will be the happiest woman on earth and do everything in my power to make you happy too! Ohh...I am so glad you decided to take a bite of that poisoned apple. I will do everything to feed into that addiction. No worries. My motto is this: "making my customers happy."
My W called me this afternoon wanting to know where I was, because I was driving the car she wanted to trade in for a hybrid. (We'd already discussed who gets what car, and I happened to have "hers" at the time, so all was good.) She found me, we exchanged cars, and she asked before proceeding, "Is that okay, babe?" Not sure why she asked, but yeah, I actually thought it was a good move. She kissed me.
A bit later, I sent a text asking if she had already traded the car in. She called right away to ask again if I had a problem with it. I said no, just was wondering. But I also was wondering where she had stashed away a certain pair of pants I was hoping to wear to my first day on the job tomorrow. She showed up unexpectedly to help me find them.
I cut a phone conversation short to go out and see the car. Afterwards, she asked AGAIN what is it I know about the OW that she doesn't. That seed has really taken root, but I refuse to give it any more life of my own doing.
I will miss the old car, though.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Well, today is my first day on the new job and I can't say I'm really excited about it. I'm feeling ambivalent about this particular line of work, but like I said, it's going to keep me busy and occupied, so I'm grateful for that. It's storming here, and gloomy. Kind of like my life. I can't help but feel this morning, in spite of all my prayers and the signs here and there of cracks in their fantasy world, that I'm tilting at windmills, and that I really have lost her for good. It's a just a feeling, but it's hard for me to find hope today for coming out the other side of all this reconciled.
After work, I'm meeting someone for a drink. She's much younger than I am and interested in "older women," so I'm hoping she doesn't see it as more than that. But she did go out of her way to invite me to do this with her alone. My W also plans to be home tonight, so when I get back, I suspect there will be another round of "what do you know that I don't know" questions.
What I know is what she knows but chooses not to acknowledge: that the OW is a sociopath and a predator.
Wishing everyone here a good day.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Well, that is an 'interesting' letter, to say the least and disturbing as well. I think Wonka has got the measure of it. Unfortunately, if your W goes ahead and leaves for good, her life will not be 'fantastic'. OW is a praying mantis b1tch.
A date with another person, whilst not recommended DB procedure, might just curb her attitude a bit. You don't actually have to do anything, it's just a drink.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Dif ... hang in there, its not all doom and gloom.... you need to look in your dresser for the emergency PMA pouch.
Just a couple things reading you .... obvious thinhgs you might shake your head at with me ... you really need to detach more, get out of her scrambled head and focus on you and what you need to do... but more than that, do not allow her to cake eat... she seems like she is making sure, checking with you to make certain what she is doing is ok with you .... sure the car thing you might have had no issue with but rather than assure her... if it were me I would toss a truth dart and just state "You can do whatever you feel is right, you do not need my permission" and leave it at that.
I think the guilt and the inner gut talk might start wearing at her, when she asks you what you know about OW that she doesn't ... I would not be the "BFF" here. Let her know her A .... and its still an A is her circus to run and you will not be involved. Time to pull the cake off the table a little I think here ... I do not feel she thinks she would ever loose you .. what happens when she thinks she might?
HUDDY... yeah, disturbing letter. She is a preying mantis, a "mate poacher," and the "date" turned out to be very laid back. Even if there were more overt flirting, it would be a going nowhere situation. She's 16 years younger than me. Her mom? Four years older... yeesh...
MATT... Thanks for your kind words, as always. This is really just going to be a job for now, I think. When I'm in a better place mentally and emotionally, I will need to figure out what to do with the rest of my life.
CALI... you are very right... I am not detached enough. She was here tonight, and again kept asking what I know that she doesn't know. On and on... "you don't know anything, you're just making things up, trying to keep me, etc. etc." We got into it... I just don't know how to stop these arguments when she starts them. Sometime, like tonight, I think she does want me to disappear. The thought of losing me seems to be less of an issue for her... at least for now.
I know I can't make decisions based on her reactions. But today was a long and sad day where I just really missed what we had, and I'm trying so hard to detach and just work on me. Sometimes, that's easier said than done.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
It's always easier said than done Dif. Always. That's because you care and didn't deserve to have your life and heart turned inside out.
Keep working on you Dif, keep praying and giving the whole thing to God. When you're feeling weak, put your hands together, take some deep breaths and feel the divine that surrounds you at all times. Especially now.
I'm sending you love and strength.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
